Choose Peace

The dictionary defines peace this way: “freedom from disturbance; tranquility.”  But notice that definition does not tell you how to attain it and for sure not how to keep it once it is found.

Let me share with you what I have learned about peace.  If you have never had peace, you don’t know that you don’t have it.  I was fifty years old before I experienced it for the first time.  My life up to that point had been a rollercoaster of ups and downs and bad choices.  I had been a Christian for eighteen years and had experienced many aspects of the “fruit of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22-23).  But the fruit of peace had been missing.

When I met Dan, and we began our relationship, we both were very wounded from past failed relationships.  But I soon realized that there was something different about this friendship that was turning into something very special.  We were experiencing peace for the first time ever.

Once we realized what it was, we began to guard it.  Peace became the foundation for our relationship.  Now, after thirty years, we have not found anything that is worth losing our peace.

When there is a disagreement, we both back off to our neutral corners, and instead of thinking how right we are, we look for what we did or said wrong.  Then we come back together in a spirit of repentance with apologies and asking for forgiveness.  The result is that our peace is still there.

However, what if you are “right,” and you can prove it?  That is the time that you can choose to come into agreement (Matthew 18:19-20) and totally defuse the whole situation.

When we are wrong, we usually know it.  If we are wrong, and the other person is willing to submit, it relieves the pressure and gives us the opportunity to re-think and ask ourselves, “How important is this?”  But when it’s all about winning or being “right,” even when we are wrong, we can never admit it.  If it’s about winning or being “right,” we have to defend our position, even when we know we are wrong.  If it’s about winning, remember…the one who apologizes first wins.

But it’s NOT about winning OR being right.  It’s about peace.

When you find peace, guard it with all your might.  Nothing is worth losing your peace—NOTHING!

When there is conflict, and the battle lines are drawn, both sides begin to defend their position.  So, let’s say you do a really good job, and you WIN!  What have you really won if your relationship is damaged?

I have learned that when there is an opportunity to enter into battle with your spouse, and the objective is to win at all cost, you will leave your spouse bloody and defeated.  Let me remind you this is the one that you vowed to “love, honor, and obey,” not to mention that you became “one flesh” with in God’s eyes.  Look at Mark 10:7-8: “For this reason a man will leave his parents and be wedded to his wife.  And the husband and wife will be joined as one flesh, and after that they no longer exist as two, but one flesh” (TPT).  Could we say that fighting with your spouse is like punching yourself in the face?  

Make a conscious decision to live in peace in all your relationships. Then guard that peace jealously.  Let me say it again…When you find peace, guard it with all your might.  Nothing is worth losing your peace—NOTHING!

We want to thank Di Zeigler for sharing this post.