Editor’s Note: Titus 2 lays out a framework for us to understand how women are to gather around each other and support one another throughout the seasons of our lives. It’s our prayer that you connect with the powerful story God is writing with your life right now and know that you are not alone.
August 7, 2017 will always be engrained in my mind. That’s the day we walked joyfully into the sonogram room just to hear the words, “We can’t find a heartbeat.” The grief I felt in that moment is something I struggle to put into words. But at the same time, I knew. I felt in my soul before the doctor told us that the baby was gone. In that moment the Holy Spirit held me and brought to my memory all the times he’d given a stirring to my heart. The internal knowledge that something was different this time around.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cry out, “Why God? Why my child?” It was never in anger, but to ask for answers. The truth is, I may never have those answers, at least not on this side of heaven.
Losing a child in the womb is something no one ever wants to experience but having God within me has made the loss of our baby more bearable. Because I know that on the day Jesus returns, I will hold my Sage for the first time. I continuously rejoice over that reunion. I know that my sweet child is in the arms of Jesus and will never know sadness or pain. One day we will be reunited. I thank God every day for His love, and that he took care of me at my worst and loved me through this time of sadness. That he helped me to find joy in my grieving.
Healing is an ongoing process for me, and who knows, it may always be. I’m blessed to have some great friends and family I can call on at any time. People I can lean on when I’m sad or weak, to let me cry and talk through things. Not long after my miscarriage, Julie Snellgrove gave me a pamphlet on pregnancy loss. It had scriptures and talking points, things to help me and others understand what was going on emotionally. It brought me great comfort. I also read a bunch of good Christian romance/comedy/mystery books. I’ve always loved a good book, but since August I’ve found reading a few chapters that lift your spirits can do wonders. Lastly, journaling has helped me express myself and pour out emotions and feelings at different times the last few months. It’s been a way for me to talk to God and myself even. Writing this today brings to mind this scripture:
Is anyone crying for help? GOD is listening, ready to rescue you. If your heart is broken, you’ll find GOD right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.
Psalm 34:17-18 (The Message Bible)
God is right there with me. He is in the valley carrying me when I am too sad to go on. He feels my pain when my heart hurts. He loves me regardless of where I am, and that is so sweet and healing to my soul.
Whitney Arthur contributed this post.