Your Home, Your People

Your Home, Your People

Editors note: During the month of March, we are focusing on “Beauty in the Home”. Titus 2:3-5 tells us that women should encourage each other in the ways of the Lord. Focusing on bringing beauty to the home, not just in material ways,  is an important part of having a peace-filled family.

I love beauty. I love that God is the ultimate creator and source of beauty. And I love the fact that because we are made in His image, we are, by nature, also creators of beauty.

I also love all things “home.” It’s my very favorite place to be. I could spend hours just looking through picture-perfect homes in magazines. But what the magazines don’t share is that God has given each of us an incredible opportunity to express his rich beauty, love, and hospitality through our homes in a way that’s completely unique to how he has created us and the home that he has given us to share.

In the last 10 years, my husband and I have lived in a tiny university-owned apartment, a sweet, small rent house, and our very own home. Through each of our homes, I’ve gathered some practical ideas for creating a beautiful and welcoming environment (that probably won’t be featured in the next home and garden magazine article).

Decorate with what you like. Instead of trying to fit everything into one particular style, choose pieces that you love and that fit your lifestyle. You might find that, like me, you’re somewhat eclectic. Your home doesn’t have to fit into a box, so don’t try to force it. Our homes should be an expression of who we are and our love for the people in our sphere.

Embrace the process of making a home. Unless you have a huge budget (and probably not even then), a home that fits you and your family doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process—a living, breathing, expression that is built over time. When I try to make everything look designer-put-together and finished all at once, I always end up not completely loving it. Let your home breathe a little. Let it become, over time, a place of retreat for anyone who enters your door.

Display your fondest memories. These probably won’t ever be magazine-worthy. They’re amateur pictures from your favorite vacation. Pictures your babies drew for you as a way to show they love you. Papers and sticky notes filled with scripture that some of your sweetest friends posted all over your house while you were gone for weeks in the hospital with your husband. These things make a home.

Prepare your home for guests. Pick up around the house. Put on some worship music. Brew a pot of coffee. Light a candle. Pray for the people that you will be welcoming into your home. Invite the Holy Spirit to minister to them in your house.

Focus on people. It’s easy to get caught up in whether the house looks perfect enough, or whether everything is done before guests arrive. But your people are much more important than any unfinished task. Don’t feel pressure to point out or apologize for every little thing that you think is wrong or unfinished about your home. They won’t care. They probably won’t even notice. Pay attention to the people in your house more than the tasks or things. It’s such a sweet opportunity to love on them that you don’t want to miss.

Like the author Myquillyn Smith shares in one of my very favorite books, The Nesting Place,

It doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful.

We would like to thank Catherine Dunn for writing this post.

Created to Encourage

Created to Encourage

Editor’s Note: During the month of February, we are focusing on a Call to Femininity. The world often gives women a different idea of what womanhood should look like. Looking to the Word gives us clear direction and instruction on how to be the woman God designed us to be. 

As I sit here writing this post, praying that God guides me with His Word, I think to myself, “What does biblical femininity mean to me?” God gave me the words “unique,” “brave,” and “encourage.” Women are created in God’s image, and with that comes a call to represent God well through our uniqueness, our brave spirit, and our encouraging heart.

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground. So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:26-27).

God has created us all in a unique way. He not only made us beautiful in His image but He has blessed us all with different strengths.

“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come”  (Proverbs 31:25).

Although we are all uniquely designed and gifted, we can trust that God has also given us exactly what we need in order to uniquely fulfill the call He’s placed on our lives.

For example, I’m a mom to 4 amazing kids who need me daily. “Mom I left my bag at home.” “Mom can you help me with my homework?” “Mom I’m hungry. Can you please make me something?” Appointments, therapy, church, bible studies, classes–whew! Sound familiar? Life with littles can be tiring, but God knew exactly what my life would look like in this season. Multi-tasking is one of my strengths, and although my circumstances might sometimes be overwhelming and I don’t always feel like I have the strength, God truly helps me stay positive and gives me the strength and comfort that I need to get  through it all.

When I hear the word “brave” the first thought that comes to mind is trying to get the courage to start something new. Maybe a new business, talking to new people, or going up on a stage. Several times in Scripture, the Lord reminds and commands us to be brave:

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God

will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

My family is blended, and my two older kids–an 8-year-old  and 9-year-old–have hurts from our past. The situation is out of our control, so we bravely pray to the God Who Hears to heal their hearts. My family has also had to be brave as 1-year-old is going through health issues. He’s doing great, but every day is a different battle. I also have a 6-year-old who has Autism and speech delay. Most days are great, but sometimes it gets really hard not knowing how to explain certain things to him. Sometimes I feel as if I’m not doing something right, but that’s when I remember that the enemy is  trying to get at me again. The Holy Spirit helps me find the courage to bravely start praying to God to help me and guide me through the situation. When I thank him for my circumstances, even when they are overwhelming, somehow everything begins to feel peaceful again. The word “brave” reminds me that I am a woman who is facing the difficulties and challenges of every day, and even when I can’t understand why my family goes through these situations, God is always there to help us through it.

So let me encourage you today, whether you’re a mom, grandmother, aunt, sister, cousin, daughter, married or single, kids or no kids: you are strong!

“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘today,’ so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” (Hebrews 3:13).

Remember, you can do this! You’re not alone! We are all here to help! There are so many women going through hard situations. Let’s remember to uplift and encourage one another. Let’s set an example of what it means to be unique and brave. God will help you through any situation you’re dealing with. We understand all of our strengths and situations are different, but God helps us use our unique lives to encourage others. Be you, be brave, and be encouraged to share God’s love with anyone and everyone you can! Feeling at home with God and sharing his love and joy with others: that’s what “biblical femininity” means to me.

We would like to thank Bre Flores for writing this post.

Biblical Feminity

Biblical Feminity

Editor’s Note: During the month of February, we are focusing on a Call to Femininity. The world often gives women a different idea of what womanhood should look like. Looking to the Word gives us clear direction and instruction on how to be the woman God designed us to be. 

What exactly is Biblical Femininity? Femininity is a word that tends to induce one of two polar opposite reactions. As I was preparing to write this, some women I spoke with only associated negative thoughts and feelings with this word, while others took great pride in it. I must admit, I
had mixed feelings when thinking about the word. The first thing that comes to my mind when I hear feminine is being a “girly girl” (which also made me think I am the last person on earth that needs to be writing this post). So, I decided I better start doing some research and find some
definitions to help me understand what femininity really is.


First, I decided to look up the worldly meaning of the word feminine.
adjective
pertaining to a woman or girl: feminine beauty; feminine dress.
having qualities traditionally ascribed to women, such as sensitivity or gentleness.
effeminate; womanish: a man with a feminine walk.
belonging to the female sex; female: feminine staff members.

(obtained from Dictionary.com)


The definition that I would like to focus on is the second one listed, the one regarding the qualities of a woman. For me, this definition is the one that caused such mixed emotions. In the world today, women do not like to feel like they are weak, not good enough, or unequal in any
way. I feel like the world views sensitivity and gentleness as weak qualities. To the world, sensitive women cry too much and gentle women have no backbone. Women are taught, sometimes from an early age, to believe that to get anywhere in this world, they must put these
characteristics aside, toughen up “like a man,” and grab this world by the horns.


Second, I turned to the truth about femininity in God’s word. Of course, the scriptures that every woman turns to on how to become a godly woman are found in Proverbs 31, but these can be very intimidating scriptures. When I used to read the scriptures, I would start having an anxiety attack and get depressed. I kept thinking, “I am supposed to be Wonder Woman, and I am failing miserably.” But in order to really understand the Godly meaning of femininity, we need to go all the way back to the beginning.

In Genesis 2 we read:
And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper
comparable to him”
(Genesis 2:18, NKJV).
Later in that chapter, God created woman. So, if we look at the above scripture closely, we learn that God purposefully made women as we are, and He meant to make us that way! What the world views as weak, God has perfectly made and uses for His Glory. Gentleness and sensitivity are not weak at all but strong and bold in their own way, and they are an important part of how we fulfill our job as helper. These characteristics are not something to be ashamed of but embraced and used!


So now, when we go back to Proverbs 31:10-31, we can read it through different lenses. In the world now, the Proverbs 31 woman looks a little different but still exhibits many of the same qualities. As women, oftentimes we wear many hats: we are wife, mom, doctor, teacher,
disciplinarian, chef, custodian, friend and in some situations, we are dad, too. And God gave us just the right qualities, including the feminine ones, to handle every situation and be the best helpers that we can be. It is time for us to step into and accept the femininity that God gave us.
Gentleness and sensitivity do not make us the weaker vessel; they make us the equal vessel.

A special thanks to Tana Navarette for writing this post.

Husband of the Husbandless

Husband of the Husbandless

Editor’s Note: During the month of February, we are focusing on a Call to Femininity. The world often gives women a different idea of what womanhood should look like. Looking to the Word gives us clear direction and instruction on how to be the woman God designed us to be. 

As I walk into the store, I am surprised by the massive Valentine’s displays. I just got all of my Christmas
decor put up, and already Valentine’s themes appear everywhere I look. But as I look at my calendar, I
realize it IS only a month away. Wow! How quickly the seasons pass!


Although all my closest friends are married, Valentine’s Day is one of the only times of the year when I
am starkly reminded that I’m single. But talking about biblical femininity this month has me thinking
about my purpose and calling as a single woman of God. What is biblical femininity or biblical
womanhood, and how does it apply to the unmarried woman?

The first mention of “woman” in the Bible is Genesis 2:18: “The Lord God said, ‘it is not good for the
man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”
Then Scripture goes on to give the account of
how God made Eve from Adam and for Adam. Eve was created to be a helper, a companion, and a mate
or wife for Adam. This was her purpose.


Women were created to be wives, helpers for their husband, and mothers to their children. This is a grand
and noble calling, and I do believe this can be the primary occupation for some women, at least through a
season of their lives, but I wonder, “is this the only plan and purpose for women?” I think of the Proverbs
31 woman, and I am awed by her amazing character and accomplishments, but to be honest, I am not
really inspired. Actually I think, “Been there and bombed that!” So now what? As a single woman, do I
just live out the rest of my days the best I can, never really having fulfilled my purpose? Or is there a plan
B?


As I continue reading in Genesis, I’m so glad the story of mankind didn’t end in Genesis 3. The rest of the
Bible is the story of God’s plan of redemption. It is the story of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and his twelve
sons or the twelve tribes of Israel. In it the nation of Israel becomes the smaller story through which the
larger story of mankind’s redemption is told. And right there in the middle of that story, God speaks
through the words of Isaiah to the nation of Israel – and to me!


For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth
(Isaiah 54:5).


Your Maker is your husband. These words resound in my heart!


I go back to Genesis and read again the story of creation, but this time I back up to Genesis 1:26: “Then
God said, ‘Let Us make mankind in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish
of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the livestock, and over all the earth, and over every
crawling thing that crawls on the earth.’ So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He
created him; male and female, He created them.”


We – both man and woman – were created by a triune, relational God who wants relationship with us.
Eve was created as a companion for Adam, but we were all created to be in relationship with God. And
we as redeemed believers are called the bride of Christ (Revelation 19:7 & Ephesians 5:32).


So even though I’m single, I can still live with purpose and within the purpose for which I was made. I
am the bride of Christ; I am His helper and His companion; my Maker is my husband!

A special thanks to Sheila Campbell for writing this blog post.

Women are Life Givers

Women are Life Givers

Editor’s Note: During the month of February, we are focusing on a Call to Femininity. The world often gives women a different idea of what womanhood should look like. Looking to the Word gives us clear direction and instruction on how to be the woman God designed us to be. 

When I was a senior in college, due to some major medical trauma of the past year, I began to lose my hair. Losing my hair was quite an identity crisis for me. Even though the head scarves my mom had bought me were very pretty, I still worried what other people thought of me. 

One evening, my sister and a friend of ours told me we were going to get coffee. But when we got to the car, our friend blindfolded me and would not tell me where we were actually going. Finally, we arrived at the destination. They led me carefully up the steps of a house and opened the door. 

One of them took off the blindfold. There, in the middle of the living room, stood nine of my friends from church. 

“SURPRISE!!!” they yelled. 

I gaped at them. “What is this?” I looked over at the girl next to me.

“It’s a surprise party for you!” she said gleefully. 

Each of the girls had a scarf wrapped around her head, and most of them had on their reading glasses—just like me. Each one of them had bought me a brand-new scarf, and at the end of the night, gave them to me. I even got some from a few friends that were not able to make it. 

I didn’t realize it at the time, but this was a turning point for me. These friends ministered to a place deep inside me, even before I knew I needed it. Their presence and their kindness told me that they cared, and I was not alone. 

My own definition of biblical femininity is: what it looks like to be a woman who follows Jesus every day. The women who have taught me the most about this will probably never be recognized publicly for what they do. They just continue to serve those around them and teach by their actions and their words. I have watched how these women have treated their families, their husbands, and me. They are full of kindness and speak life over everyone around them. Proverbs puts it this way: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:26).

Here are a few things I have learned: 

  • Women who follow Jesus are life givers. 

As women, we were created to make things around us better. When we choose to speak life and God’s Word over the people and situations around us, we change things (even when we can’t always see it). 

  • Women who follow Jesus see beauty in the broken. 

Whether it’s seeing the potential in a broken piece of furniture at the antique store or seeing the gifts in a broken and hurting person, women are created to notice beauty. As women, we make our homes places of comfort and welcome for our families and ourselves (whatever that looks like!). We ask God to help us see others the way He sees them, even if they are a bit “messy” on the outside. 

  • Women who follow Jesus are not afraid to set healthy boundaries. 

The more we follow Jesus, the more secure we are in our identity in Christ. We choose to follow His voice first. Sometimes that means narrowing our focus and saying no to good things in order to say yes to the best for a season. Setting healthy boundaries means protecting our time, our health, our marriage, and our family. When these areas are in a healthy place, then we can reach out to others beyond that. 

  • Women who follow Jesus love and serve those around them. 

You may feel like your “circle of influence” is small. But don’t compare yourself to someone else. Who has God put around you today? Wherever God has placed you, the people you are called to love and serve are the ones you bump into every day. 

Maybe you’re like me in the beginning story. You feel like you’ve lost something and you don’t know what it looks like to step into your biblical womanhood. Keep your heart open and keep being faithful with what God has put in front of you. God will show you how, one step at a time. 

A special thanks to Heather Dillard for writing this post.

Beauty.

Beauty.

Editor’s Note: During the month of January, we will be reposting some of the top posts from 2020. I hope these encourage you. We have some great series planned for 2021. Stay tuned for all new posts coming in February!!

Beauty.

When I see that word, I generally think of clear skin, long thick hair, long eyelashes, manicured nails, and a polished smile. But how does God see true beauty?

He looks inside of us.

He looks in our hearts.

None of that outward appearance stuff matters.

We are to adorn ourselves with the lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. This kind of beauty will never disappear.

1 Peter 3:5 says, “For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands.”

To “submit” means to cooperate voluntarily with someone else out of love and respect for God and for that person. Submission is mutual. Peter is telling individual women to submit to their own husbands but not for all women everywhere to be subordinate to men in general.

Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Jesus submitted to death so that we could be saved; we may sometimes have to submit to unpleasant circumstances so that others will see Christ in us. We could not be submissive without the power of the Holy Spirit working in us.

Peter instructs Christian wives to develop inner beauty instead of being overly concerned about their outward appearance. Their husbands will be won over by their love. This does not mean that Christian women should settle on their outward appearances, but strive to let their inward beauty be outwardly seen through their confidence in Christ and themselves.

But far more important is the development of an inner spirit of godliness. Live your Christian faith quietly and consistently in your home, and your family will see Christ in you. True beauty begins inside (Proverbs 31:30). It is not of this world but is instead saturated in the word of God.

I remember the planning meeting Ian and I had just weeks before our wedding, with Matthew, my young adult minister from the church I was attending in college. I remember specifically asking him to read this scripture, 1 Peter 3:5, at our wedding. The minister giggled and looked at Ian to ask if that was okay with him. Matthew questioned me as to why I chose that verse, but without hesitation, I told him about how my parents had modeled such beauty in their submission to one another through a long, Christ-centered marriage.

After eleven years of marriage, and in my “Wonder Woman” skin (as Ian likes to say) God constantly invites me into His way of living, sometimes quietly, sometimes gently, and sometimes persistently. He loves me, and I can trust in obeying His guidance to lead me to His blessings. This kind of obedience shows my husband that he can trust my heart, and he honors me in this way.

I hope that you will look into your own heart and find the beauty that is within you.

I pray that you will see God’s desires for you: a humble attitude softened by knowledge of God’s grace, confidence in the Lord that leads to wise speech and kind action, trust in Christ’s sovereignty, determination to do good and obey God in love, and courage in light of God’s steadfast promises.

–Bonnie McIntosh

We’d like to thank Bonnie McIntosh for writing this post!

Raising Kind Children in an Unkind World

Raising Kind Children in an Unkind World

Editor’s Note: During the month of January, we will be reposting some of the top posts from 2020. I hope these encourage you. We have some great series planned for 2021. Stay tuned for all new posts coming in February!!

I am a mother of four wonderful and beautiful children, but if I am being honest, it’s not always rainbows and sunshine. Some days I feel like I could write a book on parenting, and other days, I would like to crawl in a ball, with my stash of chips (that I hide from the kids), and hide in the closet. We don’t live in a perfect world, but having the responsibility of raising our children to not only be productive members of society but also caring and kind, can be overwhelming at times.

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). One thing I have learned during this pandemic and being quarantined and at home so much is that, number one: six people can get tired of each other, pretty quickly; number two: my children have no choice but to feed off of my attitude. It was a realization of how, even though being stuck at home all the time was irritating, I now had the opportunity to mold my children and to model behavior without having any outside behaviors influence them. I suddenly found myself grateful to the Lord for the lesson through the storm. In Ephesians 6:4 it says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”  The Lord provided me with a time of reflection and a gift of time to mold habits that my children could learn from.

My children are all two years apart, so they fight like crazy. I discovered that being kind to one another had become a very hard thing for them to do. They didn’t understand that words cannot be taken back. They clearly did not know how to control their behavior and think about what they said before they actually said it. 

I think a lot of times, in society now, even adults do not understand that concept. Social Media has become a platform to say anything you’d like, without thinking there may be a consequence for it. This is all learned behavior that is being passed down to our children. We cannot simply sit back and expect our children to learn the gift of kindness from school or friends, because kindness seems to be a forgotten characteristic. It is our responsibility, as parents to instill this quality in our children.  I think about the story of Moses and how he trusted in the Lord to guide him, even against his father’s beliefs.

In our family, we have to actually sit down and explain in detail the lessons that we need our children to understand. We, as parents, cannot expect them to just “know.” If we aren’t careful, someone else will teach them the bad behavior that will have lasting consequences, and eventually habits will be created that will be tough for them to break.

It is an amazing feeling to know that God left these tiny humans in my hands and care. The Lord wants to guide us through raising our children and doesn’t want it to be an overwhelming experience but a gratifying one. I pray daily for my children and that the Lord will give me the guidance to not “mess up” my kids. 

Kindness goes a long way, but it has to be modeled and created in a home because the world is a scary place. Some days I fail, but I am grateful that God blesses us with a new day. I want my children to see that I’m not perfect. I don’t always say the right things. I do hurt their feelings sometimes. But I understand the consequences of my behavior and correct it. I tell them this all the time: It is fine to say that you are sorry, but by apologizing for something you did, that means you are going to intentionally put effort into not making that mistake again. “I am sorry” becomes a meaningless phrase when actions do not follow. Children have to be taught that.  

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth” (3 John 1:4). The peace that brings my heart is such a blessing. I pray that it blesses you, too, as you seek to raise up kind children in this unkind world. 

We would like to thank Brooke Vancleave for writing this post!

Loving Your Husband When It’s Not Easy

Loving Your Husband When It’s Not Easy

Editor’s Note: During the month of January, we will be reposting some of the top posts from 2020. I hope these encourage you. We have some great series planned for 2021. Stay tuned for all new posts coming in February!! The following post is a bit more vulnerable in nature. We’ve chosen to leave the author anonymous in order to protect those involved.  Many of us fight battles behind closed doors and are struggling to find  healing in those dark places.  We pray this will bring hope and encouragement if you’re walking through a similar situation.  As always, Harvest Christian Fellowship is here to help you.  Please reach out at anytime.  We are praying for you and we know God is always working things out for good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose.  Much love, Julie Snellgrove (julie@harvestchristianfellowship.org)

I could’ve easily titled this blog, “Dealing With My Husband’s Porn Journey,” but I’ve realized, this isn’t only about him; it’s our journey. And yes, I’m going to talk about pornography today.  (Insert smile here)

I came into our marriage with trust issues because of choices I made in my past. I was a guarded woman, and fear had taken root in my heart about infidelity and lust. As newlyweds, there were a lot of career and family distractions, so it was easy to shove my pain and my hurt under the rug and pretend I didn’t know my husband had a problem with lust and pornography. I was scared to face it, honestly. I was scared to address it because I knew that meant pain for us both. 

One night, I’d had enough and called him out when I saw him looking at another woman.  We had come to a spot in our marriage I never dreamed we’d find ourselves in: broken.  I’m not sure I will ever forget the pain that I felt that night. Women are emotional beings, and we tend to attach our self-worth to the attention we get from our husbands. And when our husband’s attention is not 100% on us, we get jealous. We feel hurt, inadequate, less than, betrayed, violated, not good enough, ugly. To compensate, we put up walls, cover up, and aren’t as willing to have sex. Is anyone with me? I became very jealous and hyperaware. The enemy had a foothold at this point. 

The evening that I lost it was the night the Lord began healing us both. My husband didn’t change instantly, and I didn’t trust instantly. Things actually got worse before they got better. I had a really hard time trying to understand; I felt so betrayed by these fake images.  It took some hard conversations, some honest evaluations of where we were in our relationship, some boundaries, and a lot of counseling to get through.

The Lord graciously gave me insight to this specific addiction. Desire for the opposite sex in itself is not sinful; it’s what we do with those desires.  I’ve found that pain from old wounds is what drives a man to look at porn. It’s a deep-rooted problem. If this is a struggle your husband is dealing with, he probably hates that he does it. He probably prays for enough strength to not look at those images and asks other men for wisdom and prayer for healing. He probably lives his life in constant shame. Through this process, the Lord brought enough healing to my heart that allowed me to see that my husband was being honest and had a desire to change. I realized that I needed to find a way to help him.

Here are some things that really helped us:

  • HONESTY. One evening, we sat down and my husband allowed me to ask some really tough questions under the agreement that we wouldn’t get mad at each other. I would much rather know and have him be honest with me about where he is than keep it from me. Warning: these conversations are NOT fun. But there is something supernatural that happens in your marriage when you get to this place of honesty (Proverbs 12:22). 
  • BOUNDARIES. We put boundaries in place and made a commitment to stay within them. Boundaries bring safety and cultivate deeper intimacy (1 Corinthians 13:6-7). 
  • COUNSELING. We went to counseling together, and I unloaded a bunch of pain that I had been holding onto. I realized that my husband was wrong for looking at porn, but I was wrong in assuming wayyyyyyyyyyy too much because of pain I had not dealt with in my own life. I had to swallow my pride (Ephesians 4:32). 
  • FRIENDSHIP. I was completely vulnerable with a few friends and they supported me, listened to me, grabbed my hand and told me I was strong and brave and could do hard things. They spoke life into my bones (Proverbs 17:17). 
  • COMMUNICATION. This is the bottom line: had we talked about our struggles years before, they wouldn’t have bled into more than 5 years of marriage. It’s taken a long time to take off each brick that has been put around my heart as a result of lust and porn. Our marriage isn’t perfect; we aren’t perfect. But we have learned some very valuable lessons along the way, and one of the most important is to communicate with your spouse (Proverbs 16:24). 
  • LOVE. I learned to love him through the sin. Together, we didn’t accept or support the sin; we acknowledged the sin and agreed to love each other through the sin. It was hard to love him while I knew he was still struggling with looking at porn. But love conquers all. Even a porn addiction (1 Peter 4:8). 
  • PRAYER. I prayed like crazy over my husband and myself. I prayed for freedom from this addiction. I prayed for empathy to rush over me. I wasn’t perfect, and I had to humble myself and realize I am a sinner, too. I prayed for forgiveness and understanding (1 Peter 3:8-9). 
  • SCRIPTURE. I saturated myself in the Word of God and in His Truth. I did my best to take every evil thought about my husband captive and submit it to the Word of God (Philippians 4:6-9). 
  • SUBMISSION. I learned that my husband was created for intimacy and has a sex drive, and my role as a wife is to submit to him and his needs. If I’m not giving my husband what he needs, it may be a stumbling block. Sex with your husband is a weapon of unity against the enemy (1 Corinthians 7:3-4).

With confidence, I can say the Lord met us in these hard places, and with a lot of hard work, He delivered my husband from his sexual sin, and my heart was healed from jealousy and filled with trust. And I can confidently say that the Lord will meet you. He will walk with you through this valley (Psalm 23:4).  We had some very ugly fights and hard conversations, but the rewards are worth it. We now have an open and honest relationship with more intimacy than I ever thought possible.

Never be ashamed of seeking help; we ALL have issues. You may feel hopeless or feel like the pain is too deep. But know there is always hope! Our God is a God of healing and restoration. Please send an e-mail to the church office if you’d like more information on counseling. We are here for YOU!

Stepping Forward

Stepping Forward

I started blogging in 2007, before blogging was popular. (And I’m now told that it’s dying, like all things print, because people only want to watch or listen. Gosh, I hope this isn’t true.)

When I created this site on Blogspot, before there were other fancier forums, I titled it Obeying the Call because that’s what it felt like. Every post seemed vulnerable to share—and to do so was always my act of obedience. 

I’m an introvert—and not the kind that thrives in virtual spaces where I could have a larger-than-life personality. I’m afraid my online persona is basically the same as me in real life. (To give a slightly embarrassing example, even social media posts that get a lot of comments can sometimes overwhelm me, and I’m always in awe of those who can reply (cleverly) to each person. Meanwhile I’m like—ahh, all. the. people.)

And so, here I go again—sharing and being vulnerable—because I feel God nudging my heart to pick up my pen more in 2021. 

2020 was awful. I think we can all agree. 

I lost two friends.

I had COVID twice.

I had two non-elective surgeries.

You see a pattern there? 

I started studying the significance of the number two, and although not the only symbolism for this number, two can represent division or contrast or opposites. Like a line in the sand—that’s the picture God gave me. 

The number two represents a choice.

Life or death. 

Light or darkness.

Faith or fear.

Spirit or flesh.

Peace or anxiety.

Tree of Life or Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.

Two masters: God or money.

The narrow gate or the wide gate. 

There are always two paths. We always have to choose. 

God continually invites us to go deeper. Writing that sentence reminds me of a dream I had years ago where God opened the door to a staircase and said, “Come.” 

There’s always a new step, a deeper level of discernment, a stronger capacity for faith, a fresh understanding of His Word. 

We’ll never have all the answers.

We’ll never have Him all figured out.

We’ll never know everything there is to know about His Word.

We’ll never not need Him. (Yep—double negative there. That’s how strong this truth is.)

Aren’t you glad? 

In 2021, God is still opening doors to staircases for me, still extending His hand, still saying “Come.”

And He offers you the same invitation. 

Sometimes God doesn’t give us what we asked for, but do you know what He never withholds? His presence. His goodness. His faithfulness. His joy. His love. 

And when we look back, when we reflect, we see that He’s always answering, always working, always making a way. Sometimes it’s a new path. Sometimes it’s the same. But we have to move, participate, engage.  

We have a choice this year, this day, this hour. 

I’m taking a step forward. How about you? 

We would like to thank Laura Brandenburg for writing this post!

A New Year’s Challenge

A New Year’s Challenge

Anybody out there looking forward to closing the door on this year and opening the door to a hopeful and fresh 2021?

Me too!!

As you prepare your heart for the new year, I’d love to share with you a challenge that’s been valuable to me over the last few years. 

Five years ago, I began a practice that seemed like a small thing but has led to big transformation in my life. At the start of a new year, rather than becoming overwhelmed by all I need to do or change, I ask the Lord for one word. This word serves as a focus that I return to countless times from January-December. The word I hear usually bumps around quite a bit in my heart, but eventually settles in my spirit and becomes a marker that helps guide my thoughts, my decisions, and my growth for the year.

Words have power.

Words can change things.

One word from God, if we choose to acknowledge it and allow it to continually lead us back to Him…can change everything.

It’s not so much the word itself, but the fact that if I allow it to, it points me back to my creator again and again for understanding, interpretation, and guidance.  I’m shaped and made as I seek His voice and His interpretation of the world around me and the world inside of me.  

I’m always surprised to see the unexpected ways God is faithful to lead me into a new understanding and experience of the word He’s given me. I usually can’t see it at the time, but looking back, I see how camping on a specific word each year has propelled me toward knowing the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit and in knowing Him more—knowing myself better. He is faithful to form us into all we are meant to be in Christ.

Boldness. Trust. Health. Surrender. Prayer.

These are some of the specific words that have been my one word and have helped form me over the last few years.

Dear ones, God is intimately acquainted with us and is always at work drawing us to Himself, to give us identity, purpose, freedom, and LIFE.  Returning to my word for the year almost always causes me to take steps outside my comfort zone while at the same time being invited to hide in the shelter of His wings as He does His transforming work in me.  

I bet you’d agree with me that more than ever, we are desperate for the Lord this year. I’m desperate to know Him and to be known by Him. I challenge you to seek the Lord like never before in 2021. Be in His written word, the Bible. Listen to His voice in prayer. Tell Him what you want, and trust Him to provide what you need. Worship Him in spirit and in truth. Cry out for a focus and for vision for your life. Write down your word and keep the vision before you. (I even like to put that word into a pretty frame and keep it on my dresser so I see it every day!)

As you meet with Jesus, bring Him your questions and He will reveal what He’s doing in your life. I can’t wait to hear the impact one word can make in your life in 2021.  

“Let us seize and hold tightly the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is reliable and trustworthy and faithful [to His word]” (Hebrews 10:23).

We would like to thank Jill Moudy for writing this post!