Author: hcfwomen

When I was four my mother left my father and subsequently her children. My dad, consumed by grief, by all accounts forgot he had children. At the time I was the youngest of five. My brother who was eight stood in that caregiver gap for me. He bathed me, fed me, and got me ready for school. He cared for me. Even now at 33 I can look back and see how much he did. In a world without our parents, where the ache for both of us was so incredibly devastating. There was an eight-year-old being mother and father to a four-year-old. My brother was the light in the dark for me. He gave of himself. He loved. I can’t imagine what it cost him, but he chose to pay it. In all that time I can see God’s hand over us, and I see God’s heart in my brother. My parents worked it out and God called them back together. But for the better part of a year, it was him. I’m forever thankful and grateful for his choice.

When I was first asked to write this blog I initially wanted to talk about the many times (and there have been many) that God has moved mountains. However, I kept going back to His people.

Jesus says “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16 ESV

God is the light in the darkness but sometimes we forget that He calls us to carry that light into the world. What a big responsibility that is. In all my dark times, in all the hurting and the hard, I can look back and see where God used people: a meal, a kind or encouraging word, the space to vent, prayer, a hug, time spent together. Each one like a balm to a wound. Like a cold breeze on a hot day. I will always be thankful to those who used their light for my darkness. How we show His love matters. It stays with people. In a world that can feel heavy with grief, division, and fear, God chooses to shine through us—His people. That means our kindness, our forgiveness, our patience, and our faith all become tiny reflections of His great light. But it also raises an honest question: Are we being that light? Are we showing up in the dark places—with gentleness, with grace? 

This week, I’m asking myself those questions. Maybe we all can. Whether it’s in a conversation, a helping hand, or a quiet prayer—we each carry light that someone else might be desperate to see. Don’t underestimate what your presence, your kindness, or your love might mean to someone else walking through the darkness.

We want to thank Lauran Lancaster for sharing this post.

While writing about my experiences from darkness to light, the words “But God” came to mind and totally changed my first draft of this blog into what this is now. I have seen the saying “But God” on shirts, hats, sweatshirts, there is even a Christian song out that is called “But God”, but I had never really done much studying on specific verses that say, “But God”. So, I decided I was going to do some studying about the words “But God” in the Bible. I looked up around 20 verses with the words “But God” and it was so powerful to see how a person or a group of people could be overcome with so much darkness, BUT GOD stepped in and did what only He can do, turn it to light.

Before I started digging, I wanted to first look up the meaning of the word “but” and this is what I found.

It is used to introduce a phrase or clause contrasting what has already been mentioned.

As I was reading, if I saw the words, “But God”, I knew the situation I was reading about was about to change and for the better. The situation was dark, But God was about to turn it into light. Below are some of the verses that were the most impactful to me while looking up verses with the words, “But God”.

Side note: These are just single verses taken out of whole chapters in the Bible. If one of these verses is stirring inside you, I encourage you to look it up and read the whole chapter and even the chapter before and after for more context of the entirety of the darkness that God has turned to light

1 Samuel 23:14 – “David then stayed in the wilderness strongholds and in the hill country of the Wilderness of Ziph. Saul searched for him every day, but God did not hand David over to him.”

David was on the run from Saul and I’m sure he was dismayed, BUT GOD did not forsake him.

Psalm 73:26 – “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Oh, how our heart can be so deceitful and put us in total darkness sometimes, BUT GOD is where we should get our strength and value, not in the world.

Romans 5:8 – “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Do you ever have the thoughts of, “Why would God love me? I’m a sinner”, BUT GOD loved you while you were still sinning, while you were at your lowest. He loved you even then.

1 Corinthians 3:6 – “I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.”

Paul and Apollos had taught people about Jesus, BUT GOD is where the real growth happens.

Do you rely on something or someone to pull you out of the darkness? I know I have. I have found myself indulging on the world’s idea of happiness instead of God, but there was no growth in that, no true light. Spending time with God is the only way to turn your darkness into light. We are all going to have a dark day, dark week, or even a dark season, BUT GOD says “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life”. John 8:12

Follow him ladies, keep spending time with Him because eventually the light in this world will turn off, but the light of God never will.

We want to thank Bethany Williams for sharing this post.

Then God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and God separated light from the darkness.

I have been in dark places at different times in my life and could fill up pages and hours of stories. I will tell of some of them but will not elaborate much for reasons of time and space. 

Some of you know my story of darkness in my childhood. A bad home life and an alcoholic father. I was afraid of…well I am not sure what, but the unstable life was hard. But where there is darkness there always seems to be some light. My brother was part of that light; he took care of me when I was afraid. 

 In 1 John 1:5 we read: “This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you; God is light, and there is absolutely no darkness in Him.” I didn’t know the Lord at this time, but I believe that He put my brother there to show me the light that I would eventually learn about later in life.

Many of you know of the dark time in my life when I wanted so much to have children and couldn’t. This was probably the darkest time in my life. I had found the Lord by this time, but not being able to have children made me a little crazy, so crazy that I left my husband and church and went out in search of some ease from the pain of it. But that hole in my heart that was there all the time could not be filled. It was only the Lord that could fill it, but I couldn’t see it for the darkness that was pulling me away from Him. John 9:5 tells us: “As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” I may have turned my back on God, but He was always there protecting me and waiting for me to come back to Him so He could fill that hole in my heart.  

There was a time when I was on wheat harvest, and we had two young men with us. We were in Wyoming, a long way from home. One morning they were waiting on us to get to the field and decided to take a swim in the irrigation canal. While swimming, they hit some concrete pile-ons at the bottom of a spillway and it killed both of them. Here I was wanting children and 2 boys, 16 and 17 years old, in my charge were killed. It was very difficult to tell their parents and the journey from 1,000+ miles away to get them home was hard. At the time, I had a good church family, and they were the light that God used in this time of darkness. 

“For you are all children of light and children of light of the day.  We do not belong to the night or the darkness.” 1 Thessalonians 5:5

There are many times that I have struggled with the darkness trying to pull me in. When my mom died. When I was called to my dad’s side, who I had only seen a few times in 40 years. He was beaten up badly and some drug addicts were taking advantage of him. He was 86 years old, and we had to step in and take care of him.  The enemy tried to pull me down into the darkness, reminding me of the bad home life I had as a child. But my wonderful Christian friends and church family held me and Dewitt up. Sometimes I would sit in the car and cry while Dewitt took care of my dad. My brother and sister asked me why I was doing it, and I told them that my Bible said to honor my Mom and Dad, and that’s what Dewitt and I did. (From the sermon on the 5th commandment a few months ago)

Recently, when we were caught off guard by Dewitt’s heart issues, I could feel the enemy pull at me. But my church family was lifting us up, praying for us, and visiting us during our 17 days at the hospital and even when we came home. God always sends us light whenever we need it. And now I am going through some health issues. I rarely have health issues; I have been so healthy all my life. The enemy sure tries to use this against me, but when I feel him tugging at me, I tell him that my Jesus is bigger, and he might as well get away from me. I have been pleading the blood of Jesus a lot lately and I know He has me and Dewitt in His hands and that darkness must flee. 

When you feel the darkness pulling you in, always remember you have a Savior that is shining a light very brightly in your path.

The night is nearly over, and day is near; so let us discard the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.  Romans 13:12  

We want to thank Debbie Crosby for sharing this post.

“So where do we go from here?” I looked at my best friend through tears, sitting across from me on my dorm bed. “Do we stop being friends?” I am not sure if you have ever had this type of conversation. A crossroads of relationship where you must decide between continuing to grow closer or go your separate ways. No relationship is exempt from this decision. Friendship, dating, marriage, all relationships have this defining moment where we decide whether to push through the hard into something beautiful, or if we gather ourselves up and go our own ways. But sometimes, this moment isn’t a beautiful one. Sometimes it is born from an earth-​shattering breaking of trust that leaves us shaken and reeling.

​Trust is a beautiful thing when handled with care, but when it’s betrayed, it leaves us bruised and deeply wounded. Like any wound, if not properly and promptly tended to, it can turn into a scar—or worse, an infection. I have heard women proudly proclaim, “I don’t trust anyone,” and “Oh I just have trust issues,” as if it is a badge of protection around their hearts. What we are really doing when we say that is, “don’t get too close, because I will not be hurt again.” Relationship is impossible without trust. Our trust issues don’t end with human relationships, either. Like I said, they can cause an infection of the heart that leads us to a deep mistrust of God. 

​Mistrust of God causes us to run away from Him and everything He says is good, when we are hurt. It could be a coping mechanism, like scrolling on your phone, gossiping with friends, shopping beyond your means, drinking to numb yourself, or watching/reading porn. It could be allowing your feelings and ruminating thoughts to keep you in anger, sadness, or anxiety. I know I am mistrusting God when I feel a reluctance to approach Him in prayer or to read my Bible, but an easiness to doing any of the above activities. The answer isn’t a coping mechanism, but a wholehearted surrender. 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

​Surrender is a beautiful letting go of your pain by placing it in the hands of the One who not only created you but sustains your very being. God doesn’t want us to fear the pain of broken relationships; He wants to be trusted with it. When we surrender, what we are really doing is drawing closer to the One who will hold us, heal us, and eventually send us out to help heal the hurts of others. Surrender begins with prayer. Your prayer might be reluctant but as Anna said in Frozen 2 “just do the next right thing.”

This was my prayer that has helped me through a very recent time of mistrusting God. Maybe it will help you too. Take some time to be with God and pray it, as you surrender your everything to Him. 

“God, my feelings do not want to forgive the person that has hurt me. I don’t want to let them off the hook. I am so angry and crushed, but I know that You have a plan to change this pain into a glorious purpose that brings honor to You. So, Lord, what my feelings won’t allow for yet, let the blood of Jesus cover. Give me strength to forgive and heal my heart. I love You, Lord. Forgive me for running to convenience and sin instead of You. Give me Your steadfast love and remind me of Your faithfulness. Amen”

We want to thank Savanna Rodriguez for sharing this post.

I’ve always been a sports fanatic.  The comradery of team, the growth through practice, the thrill of competition…I love it all! The Apostle Paul shows us he relates to sports fandom by telling us in I Corinthians 9:24 to “…run in such a way to win the prize.” And what is more American than self-reliance and hard work in accomplishing a goal, right? 

My competitive spirit showed up in school and the workplace and my ability to “make things happen” and “take charge” served me well…until I got married. The very traits that had brought me success seemed to cause trouble in our marriage. I knew God’s order for marriage set the husband as the head of our home, but my husband’s ideas didn’t always line up with mine. Surely God didn’t expect me to submit to him when he was obviously wrong! I remember a very wise older woman saying at my bridal shower, “it is better to be reconciled than to be right.” I could have avoided much strife in my life had I taken these words to heart earlier.

Through prayer and Holy Spirit’s leading, I began to understand this was not just a lack of trust in my husband, but rather a lack of trust in God. I was afraid of surrendering to God because I viewed “surrender” in a negative connotation. My competitive spirit saw it as giving up or waving the white flag at my opponent. But God is NOT my opponent, He is my Father and my Friend! He loves me and has proven Himself trustworthy.  

Time and soul-searching revealed that I was afraid to surrender to God because I didn’t know what craziness He had in mind for me. Then one night I read in a Beth Moore Bible study that “the goodness of God and the glory of God are inextricably linked.” That gave me such perspective! I could surrender to God without fear because He is GOOD! I had forgotten that God is my loving Father, not a control freak or a bully. He wants me to trust Him because He can do “exceedingly abundantly above all that I ask or think,” (Ephesians 3:20). By surrendering control of my life, I free God to use His unlimited wisdom and resources to accomplish things I could never imagine.

Don’t get me wrong, following God is not always sunshine and roses. There have been seasons where following Him was hard, sometimes even painful. But He is so faithful and kind, and I know if I surrender to Him, not one of my tears is shed in vain. He uses every difficulty for my good and for His glory!

Although surrendering to God remains a daily struggle, He has provided the following tools to help me:

• He gives me His Word which is full of reminders to “…humble yourselves under the mighty power of God…” (I Peter 5:6) and “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding,” Proverbs 3:5. I simply search “surrender” or “trust” in my YouVersion Bible app, and I can find so much wisdom!  
• He’s provided the ultimate role model in Jesus. Philippians 2:8 tells me Jesus “…humbled himself by becoming obedient to death – even death on a cross.” The more I read and study about Jesus, the stronger my understanding of true surrender becomes. 
• Finally, He’s given me the Holy Spirit who is faithful to show me areas I need to surrender further. Through His tender leading, I’ve seen growth and peace in my life. I’ve also reaped the immeasurable reward of deeper intimacy with Him.

This journey of surrender is not a one-time decision, but a lifestyle. I’m learning to seek and obey God’s direction in all areas of my life because He is loving and trustworthy. What seemed like a scary road has become a path of joy!

I Peter 5:7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.

We want to thank Lea Stukey for sharing this post.

Surrender – to willingly yield to God’s authority and relinquish personal control in favor of His will. 

To most of us women, the idea of giving up control and trusting someone other than ourselves to ensure a successful outcome is difficult. We like to fix things, but sometimes God reminds us it is not our job to fix it or make it better. That’s HIS job and that’s where trust and surrender are keys to our Christian walk. 

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12 

Trusting in our Father God should be the easiest thing we ever have to do – wake up and trust HIM! However, by the time the alarms are ringing and the kids are screaming, we are not thinking that trusting God is the easiest task of the day and giving up control of how the day will go is not on the agenda either. 

But, I stop, take a breath, and pause. God wants the very best for me today, so why should I be so arrogant to think that my plans for me and my family are better than HIS?

The most recent case in point is when my husband and I decided it was time to buy a new home. We had been praying for this since our daughter was born and we experienced the need for more space. I wrote our prayers down and placed them in our prayer pumpkin to look back on later. We had every hope and faith that God would put us in the right house for our family. While driving to work one day, a for sale sign caught my eye. Instantly, I was in love with this house, thinking about all the renovations we could do to make it our own, all the space the kids would have, the fireplace, etc. After my husband and I looked at the house, we went full speed to race to get into this house we wanted, and we ignored red flag after red flag. We clearly heard God say to us, “Be patient. I am not saying no, I am saying not right now,” but we refused to listen and trust and surrender to the plan God had for us, and it cost us. After three weeks, we had spent almost all the money we had saved up to spend on fun things for our new home, and instead had to use the money to fix and repair a house that would never become our home. 

Fast forward to the end of the closing process, and it was time for the house to be inspected. Even after all the money and repairs, the inspection failed, and our mortgage company could not provide us a loan for this property due to an unsafe foundation. So, we were out a lot of money and a house, all while living out of boxes in our old house, because we were in such a rush to move to a bigger space. We were devastated that our plan fell through and that we didn’t listen. It reminded me of the story of a mom and her young son in the car. She is driving and being silly, and he just wants to “go faster, Mom!” However, his tiny head cannot see out the window, the semi-truck heading for their car. We don’t see over the mountains in our lives, but God has an amazing 360° view! 

Jeremiah 29:11 tells us God knows the plans for our lives. He wants nothing but good things, blessed things, to come our way. He just asks that we surrender to Him and trust in Him completely.

As upset as I was about all the time and money spent on a house that would never become our home, I am so thankful we have a loving Father who was looking out for us. Our children could have been hurt, our floor could have collapsed, and things would have been horrific. Our lives, like our homes, must be planted on a firm foundation, and that is Jesus Christ, a foundation that is unshakeable. So as difficult as it is to give up the control, choose to trust and surrender to the Father who loves you so much. He wants you to have a home with a strong foundation, filled with trust, hope, and lots and lots of love!

We want to thank Randi Cason for sharing this post.

When my friend, Kathy, contacted me and asked me if I would write a blog,

I said, “Sure.” Then, she texted me what the topic was. I had to laugh; God is so funny. Anytime I have ever had to write a blog, or a Bible study, or something of that nature, it’s always on something I am having a problem with. Well, maybe not a problem, but something I could use a bunch more practice with. So, join me for a little more practice in trusting and surrendering to the Lord. 

God is good, God is faithful, God is all-knowing. God makes our paths straight, God is with us and in us, He will strengthen us, God works for our good. God gives us peace and joy and has infinite mercy. He is our refuge and fortress. God never changes his plans, God is dependable, He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

We can go to God for all our needs. We never have to worry about the well drying up. He is a never-ending well of goodness, peace, joy, mercy, and grace.  So, what exactly is the problem? Why can’t we just release our burdens to him? Why can’t we just lay it down and surrender?

Daily surrender involves committing each day and each moment to God’s leading, letting go of control, and trusting His plan. There is no limit to the number of times one can rededicate or re-surrender, as the journey of faith involves ongoing growth and reliance on God.

We must come into surrender. If only we understood what surrender holds. Oh, how God waits on us. You have been searching, longing, yearning for something more. You have searched for peace, joy. You have done all that you know how to do, but something is missing.

If you would yield to Him today, if you would choose to surrender everything: your doubts, your fears, your failures. You would find; His desire is to be known by you. If only you could grasp this truth. I’m still trying to grasp it myself. The very life of God Himself is within reach for those who will yield to Him.

The very presence of God Himself is waiting to take control. He longs for you! He is not distant. He is not reserved for a select few. He is available to all who will open their hearts to Him, to all who will surrender.

Surrender changes everything. It is no longer about struggling to be holy, to be righteous, to be pleasing to God. It’s His power working within you, transforming you from the inside out. It’s the supernatural work of God in the life of a surrendered believer. There are those who resist Him, who hold back, who are afraid of fully yielding. They fear losing control, fear what others might think, fear the unknown, but my friends, let me tell you, there is no safer place to be than in the hands of the Holy Spirit. There is no greater joy, no greater peace, no greater power than in surrendering completely to Him. He will never lead you where you should not go. If only you trust Him, if only you let go and allow Him to have His way in your life.

Surrender. Oh, what a word. If we truly understood what it means to surrender, how different our lives would be, how different our churches would be, how different our world would be. So many of us hold back, me included. I resisted, afraid of losing control, afraid of what others might think, and yet, it is in surrender that I found the greatest power.  It is in surrender that we step into the fullness of all that God has for us. 

The Holy Spirit waits for us. He waits for the time we finally come to the end of ourselves, when we finally stop striving, stop struggling, stop trying to do the things in our own strength. He waits for the moment we lift our hands in surrender and say: Lord, I can’t do it on my own, I need You.

2 Corinthians 12:9  Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

We want to thank Julie Duke for sharing this post.

I was at Youth Camp one summer, and we were in small group time talking about faith and trust and our relationship with Jesus.  To bring practical application to what we were discussing, we were asked to participate in a “Trust Fall” exercise.

One by one, we each took a turn standing on the porch of the mess hall, which was about 3 feet off the ground, turning around with our backs to the others standing below, folding our arms, and then free-falling backwards, trusting those below to catch us and not let us hit the ground! I remember I was scared. I didn’t know these people, and I was being asked to trust that they cared enough not to let me fall and hit the ground. Even though I was full of fear, I surrendered and fell into their arms. Had I not gone through that exercise, I never would’ve learned to surrender and trust. Trust and Surrender means to leave everything to the control of another. Trust and Surrender for a Christian means we leave everything in His hands and under His control. Much like the “Trust Fall,” we need to trust and surrender to a relationship with Jesus.

Trust is a firm, confident belief in the reliability and strength in someone or something. Surrender is to cease resistance to and submit to authority. Give up and resign oneself to circumstances out of one’s control. So, recently, Murlyn and I walked and are still walking through a significant life change that required a new level of trust and surrender on both our parts.

Murlyn had been dealing with short bouts of spasms in his neck that would travel to the back of his head, causing headaches and sweating. He didn’t say anything to anyone, because he thought it was stress-related and would eventually go away. Little by little, the spasms were coming more frequently and lasting longer each time. This started back in October. Fast forward to New Year’s Day, he had one spasm worse than the others before. He stayed in his recliner most of the day, because he felt like his heart was racing, his blood pressure was high, and his head was pounding. Eventually, everything subsided, but it left us both feeling uneasy, and fear began to creep in. I didn’t sleep well at all that night. I had all kinds of thoughts running through my head. I was trying to take the thoughts captive but losing the battle! The next morning wasn’t any better. He was still having spasms but went on to work. Mid-morning, he had two intense spasms and went to the emergency room.

His heart was in AFIB. Fast-forward again, and we’re on our way to the BSA Hospital in Amarillo. At that moment, I felt helpless and alone! Fear took over, and I began to think the worst. I can’t help him. All I can do is stand by and let all of this happen to him. I felt angry, and tears flowed down my face as I followed in my truck behind the ambulance. We arrived, and they took Murlyn through the emergency room, but I wasn’t allowed to follow. I had to go to the front of the hospital and wait for them to get him into a room. By the time I was allowed to see him, they already had him hooked up to all kinds of monitors, were drawing blood for tests, were giving him meds to slow his heart rate and bring his blood pressure down. As I sat there watching all this take place, I heard Holy Spirit say, “Let go, and let Me handle this.”

Control is the power to direct people’s behavior or the course of events, to have authority over someone or something. I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me. I felt a peace and released everything to His control. I had to surrender; I had to trust Him; I had to put my faith in Him and be confident in what He said, no matter what the outcome. I knew He was taking care of us. So, we spent the next five days in the hospital, running test after test, trying to find an answer to what was going on. Everyone knows that trying to rest and sleep in the hospital is almost impossible. So, during the times when I just couldn’t sleep, I would read Scripture or talk with Abba. I told Him I was scared. I told Him I was struggling to take my thoughts captive. I told Him how much I love Murlyn, and that I wasn’t ready to live without him. I told Him that, whatever the outcome, I trusted His plan, that I loved Him and knew He would take care of us, of me. But, no matter what, I am surrendered to His will!  During one of those sleepless nights and conversation with Abba, I heard Him gently whisper, “It’s not his time. I have more for him to do.” I felt His peace wash over me. (Phil. 4:7) “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts in Christ Jesus.” I was able to sleep without the intrusive thoughts I had been having. Through trust and surrender, we turn control over to God, and our faith releases His Power. (Luke 17:6)

Though our tomorrows are not promised, Jeremiah 29:11 is a promise from Abba that gives us the reassurance that He is in control. He knows the plans He has for us; He gives us the peace we need! He tells us in John 14:27 not to let our hearts be troubled. He knew we were going to go through this. I just needed to trust Him. During those five days in the hospital and several days after we came home, there was one scripture that kept coming up at different times, when I needed it most:

Joshua 1:9: “Haven’t I commanded you, be strong and courageous! Don’t be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you.”

I stood on and am standing on that Scripture, but not just for what we’ve been walking through. From here on out in everything we’re faced with, Abba can be trusted!

Before we went back for the follow-up visit with the cardiologist in Amarillo, Murlyn’s heart was back in rhythm. The cool thing was, he got to tell Dr. Ali, and he held nothing back in letting the doctor know that it was God! I have been blessed to see what God spoke to me as Murlyn and I walk out each day together! We are full of the joy of the Lord. We have a renewed feeling of knowing the gladness that comes from having a relationship with God and from being filled with the Holy Spirit and abiding in Christ.

Trust and Surrender deepens our relationship with Jesus and grows our faith, as we learn to walk in step with Him. Living in trust and surrender opens our hearts to hear Him speak. It strengthens us and matures us as we learn His promises are true, and He is faithful.

This journey taught me to take my eyes off the circumstances and focus on the Word, fill my mind, direct my steps, and transform my thinking to be obedient to whatever it is that He is doing in my life. Trust and surrender positions us for God to speak through us to bear witness to those we encounter. Murlyn was able to share Jesus with his nurses and doctors and a few others who would listen.

I leave you with one of my other favorite Scriptures.  Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In everything acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path!”

Let go, and fall into His arms fully trusting, fully surrendered! Just jump!

I hesitate to write this blog post today, because I’m still trying to understand and process this situation with the Lord. Last week at Freedom in Christ, the Lord revealed to me that I’m not fully trusting in Him because of this part of our family’s story. So, here is me and all my rawness. 

We adopted 3 of our kids from foster care and then the Lord gave us 1 biological kid. From the oldest to the youngest, there is only 25 months in age difference, so basically, all 4 of our kids are the same age – like Irish quadruplets! Our oldest son, John, has 2 biological siblings. In foster care, especially when the kids are still in care prior to adoption, when a sibling comes into the world, the foster parents are typically the ones who get “the call”. At the time of both kids making their entrance into the world, we were fully and completely unable to handle any more babies in our house, so both of those siblings got placed in other foster homes. The youngest of his siblings was born in November of 2020. Her name is Bella. 

We got “the call” for Bella but were unable to welcome her into our home, but our best friends at the time were also fostering, so we told CPS to please consider our friends, the Russells, for placement. They did! John and Bella were going to be able to grow up like cousins, still living life together, just in separate homes, and with our very best friends as her parents. This was the best outcome for our families, but most importantly, for John and Bella. 

In July 2021, Bella got sick with RSV. They took her to the hospital; she was acting lethargic and not breathing normally. The hospital gave her medicine and breathing treatments and that little girl perked right up! The next morning though, all her vitals started plummeting. We got the call from Mike, her dad, that they were going to air-flight her to another hospital. The medical staff tried and tried to get her stable enough to get in the helicopter, but they were not able. Bella died that day in the hospital in the arms of our best friends. She was a few days shy of 8 months old. 

The next few weeks were a blur. No one should ever have to bury their child. It’s not fair. It’s not right. I was mad that the Lord did not answer my desperate prayers to save her. How can I trust the Lord’s plan when that plan involved this innocent child’s death? 

“We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. For those he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, so that he would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.”

Romans 8:28-29 CSB

If you have been through a hard thing and you grew up in church, you have heard those verses many times. In the depths of grief, you probably have been really mad about that verse being sent your way. GOOD? How can anything about Bella’s death be good? But that’s not what the Lord means in this verse. He’s not calling her death good, or the circumstances of her death good. He is saying that through your circumstances, God will make goodness. What is this goodness? Verse 29 says that we will be conformed to the image of his Son! He works everything in our lives to transform us to looking more and more like Jesus. If we love God, we are constantly looking to the Lord, even in the hardest most grief-stricken times in our lives. 

So how do we trust the Lord after tragedy? We look to His Word and see all that He did throughout history. We look back on our life and see all that He has done in our lives, in the lives of our friends and family. Was Bella’s death fair? Absolutely not. But here, 4 years later, I can see a glimpse of how the Lord has used her story to bring healing to strangers. The Lord used Bella’s death to bring her biological dad to Jesus. Only the Lord can turn complete tragedy into a beautiful story of redemption. 

Do I wish the Lord would have answered my most desperate prayers that day? Yes. And that answer will never change. But am I learning to trust that the Lord already knows about all the tragedy I will face in my life? Also, yes. Like I said at the beginning of this blog, this fully learning to trust in the Lord thing is still a work in progress. I wish I could tell you that with all my heart I trust in Him without any hesitation. I am praying that the Lord continues to mold me and shape me into looking more and more like Jesus. I pray that wholehearted trust continues to grow and establish a place in my heart and mind. But most importantly, dear sister, I pray for you. I pray that the Lord will show you his overwhelming, trustworthy love to you. If you are currently walking through grief, I pray that you cling to Jesus. HE IS OUR HOPE. Without Him, what is the purpose of tragedy and grief? But WITH Him, we have hope. Cling to Jesus. 

We want to thank Megan Hollis for sharing this post.

Do you like to be the person that’s always right? I used to be that way, but GOD. 

When I was a young woman, all the bridal and baby showers in my family always fell on me to host. I don’t know how this got started, but it was always understood that it was my responsibility. I have a very large family, and my siblings would call me and ask when the shower would be. If you’ve never been the one that was in charge of a shower, you probably don’t understand the amount of work that goes into it. Even after you plan the date, time, and place you still have to get together with the other hostesses and decide on a hostess gift and the refreshments that will be served. Of course, it’s up to you to go buy the gift and sometimes the refreshments. The other hostesses all agree to pay you their part, but that doesn’t always happen. That causes you to pay double or even triple what the other hostesses are paying, depending on how many don’t pay you back. Don’t get me wrong, it is fun but a lot of work at the same time and not always appreciated.

At one time, I had to organize so many showers that we decided that we would only give a baby shower for the first child in each family. That is where the trouble began.  

One family member had already had a baby shower for her first son. She expected another shower when she got pregnant again. I reminded her that we were only giving one, so her mother talked her into going to church in hopes that the church would give her a shower. She claimed to be an atheist, so I was thrilled that she was going to church. One week she missed church, and I called her to see if she was okay. She told me not to check on her because she missed church, because after the shower she wouldn’t be coming back. She was only coming to get a shower [her words].  Needless to say, I was not happy with her. I was always a hostess at church showers, so I still would have been involved. I turned down the offer to be a hostess at her shower and that branch of the family stopped talking to me. I didn’t see any reason they should be mad at me. They knew the rule we had about second showers. I WAS RIGHT!!! They didn’t have a right to be mad at me. I stewed about it for a while, getting angrier and angrier each time I thought of it. Then, one day Holy Spirit spoke to me. Not audibly, but my spirit understood. He asked me if it was better to be right, or was it better to be a representative of His love. This really hit me where it hurts! It took me a few days to let go of the anger I had allowed Satan to build in my heart.  

When I finally let go of the anger, I called that family member. I apologized and let her know that I was in the wrong. I didn’t get the response I expected from her. She told me that yes, I was wrong, and I should have given her a shower without complaint. I had to bite my tongue, and I prayed for God to take over the conversation because if I spoke what I wanted to, it would not represent God’s love. I wanted peace in the family, and I had to pursue it through Holy Spirit.  

This family member eventually came to know Christ as her personal Savior. Did this experience with her have anything to do with it? I will never know this side of heaven, but what if I had not surrendered to the will of Holy Spirit that day. I would truly hate to find out that my attitude could have caused a different outcome in her life.

Colossians 3:17

“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

Romans 12:18 says “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone”. This verse encourages striving for peace with others to the best of one’s ability. I never want to be the tool Satan uses to bring dishonor to the Lord.

We want to thank Naomi Jones for sharing this post.