As a child, I experienced rejection from my biological family. Because of this, I think the hardest thing for me to do is receive unconditional love. I have always had this fear that as soon as I begin to trust someone, and let myself believe that I am loved, they will turn around and abandon me. Sadly, not only do I have this fear in my relationships with the people in my life, but I also have it in my relationship with the Lord.
However, I am learning that God’s love is very different from my love. I love the only way I know how to love, and my love language is quality time. However, God doesn’t have any one love language, nor does he show love in the same ways that I would. So, every time I begin to look at a situation and I cannot see God’s love in it, I have to remind myself to sit back and try to see how He wants to tell me He loves me, rather than how I want Him to tell me.
This is so hard for me to do because I’m afraid. What if I choose to believe he loves me and it ends up not being true, like how I believed that my biological family would never reject me? However, I’ve just had to learn that the only way that I can even begin to trust God completely is to meditate on the truths in His word about His faithfulness and unconditional love for me. All my life I have let others simply tell me that God is faithful and let that be enough, rather than seek that truth out for myself and believe it in my heart. So, now, I have to make the decision to trust Him, because I know that God is calling me to live a life that’s so much more than fear and a guarded heart.
In the past, I have felt as though I were Peter, a reed tossed to and fro in the storm. Anytime a situation would come along and I would feel as if God had abandoned me, I simply ran away from Him. I thought I would much rather be without Him than to “draw boldly to His throne of grace with confidence” as it says we should in Hebrews. If I did that, it would give God the opportunity to reject me and that was too big of a risk for me to take!
Nowadays, God has been molding me into Simon Peter: not the reed, but the rock. I was made to be someone who can stand firm when storms come and always trust in the love of God, no matter what I may have done or what my circumstance may look like. I know that He is calling out for me to trust Him and surrender my heart completely to Him.
This post was written by Erica Quebe. To read more about her, click here.