Five years ago, after three years of trying, we became pregnant with our sweet miracle Jude. From the very beginning we had complications with the pregnancy. I was always in a constant state of fear. We waited so long for this baby and our hearts ached for him.
At 34 weeks, my placenta ruptured. I found myself in the middle of the floor, and Bret called 911. I started to replay my night. Did I feel him move last night? Fear crept in. I started to doubt, thinking, Did we make it all this way, and we are going to lose this baby?
The ambulance arrived within minutes. I was put under anesthesia and rushed for an emergency C-section. When I woke up I had an empty belly and a 6″ incision. As I waited to see Jude, anxiety and fear overwhelmed me, crippling me into multiple anxiety attacks. That anxiety and fear basically became a part of me and ruled the next year. I would be so distraught with Bret leaving the house or simple day-to-day tasks. It took many months of constantly calling that fear out before I felt “normal” again. There was no way I was going to have another baby. Why would I knowingly put myself or my family through all of those emotions of another pregnancy?
Fast forward to almost a year ago. I said that the only way I was going to get pregnant was if we had a “Mary” kind of moment, where she wasn’t planning on having a baby but God had better plans. There was still so much fear that surrounded being pregnant, anxiousness for whether we would have the same pregnancy with bed rest, or if we would have an early baby, or an awful post-partum that included emotional and physical stress in our marriage.
At the beginning of January, I was in such denial that I could be pregnant that it took a friend coming over with a test and a Starbucks to actually confirm I was pregnant. I took the test(s) and… No fear, no stress, no anxiety. Peace. God gave me this immediate and overwhelming peace over the pregnancy.
At 32 weeks Bret and I hit our knees in prayer about home birth. In my mind, I thought I was crazy for even pondering the idea of giving birth at home, but it was around this time I had a dream. The dream took place in our home with worship music in the background, and during each contraction I was on my knees with my hands lifted high, giving glory to God. It was after that dream that each time I thought of having Scarlett at home, I thought of that God-given word… peace.
The night that Scarlett came the lights were dimmed. Worship music was blaring in the background. As each contraction passed Bret would pray and proclaim over the labor, me, and Scarlett. We sang worship songs through contractions, words like “It’s your breath in our lungs.”
Not an ounce of fear ever swept in. That spirit of fear was replaced with boldness and peace. Scarlett made such a fast appearance it was unreal. This baby girl took her first breath in the most peaceful, spirit-filled way I could have imagined. The Holy Spirit was undeniably there. He transformed a birth that was surrounded by fear and anxiousness into a birth of peace and boldness.
I pray that by sharing our story, it can bring someone hope during the trials. God is eagerly ready to release us from whatever it is, fear, anxiety, or shame. He hears our prayers and truly wants to give us our heart’s desire by giving us power through His Holy Spirit.
Isaiah 41:10 –
So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Romans 15:13 –
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
This post was written by Kendra Huey. To read more about her, click here.