Category: Friendship

Comparison. It’s a disgusting cycle of endless “crouch-down moments” or many days of standing tall, feeling like a million bucks. Constantly holding a measuring stick up within a situation or relationship continuously creates gaps in your life.

Whether you are seemingly greater than those around you—or often, feeling less than your surroundings, both types of gaps create separation between others and us.

Comparison keeps us from experiencing community. We fear rejection, so we don’t pursue potential friendships, or we withhold love and acceptance to those who are beyond our comfort zone, those we believe have not measured up.

When we separate ourselves from other people, we deny ourselves the opportunity to experience the kingdom of God within those people.

I neglected people for years because they weren’t like me, but the Lord convicted me for taking it upon myself to place a stamp value on those around me.

During this time the Lord spoke to me, “Natalie, when you reject them, you are rejecting me. You are missing out on an incredible opportunity to experience ME inside of them.”

Tears filled my eyes as I imagined countless people I have hurt by not seeing who God has made them to be as an individual. Not to mention the instances I rejected people and neglected to celebrate with others because their success, in my eyes, threatened my own lack of confidence.

Many times I forget God’s standards and approval are all I need. Not only has God already approved me, but He has approved of others as well.

From that day, my measuring stick came down, gaps were removed, and I started to see the Kingdom of God inside many, even those I once disqualified. I felt fully free to experience God in incredible ways through my relationships with others.

Colossians 3:15 says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts since as members of one body you are called to peace and always be thankful.”

The truth is God has made us all different, but we are called to operate as a body. If you think about the body, there are different functioning parts that all have various but equally important roles.

Until we are at peace with who God has made us to be and how we were made to function, we will never be at peace with who He has made others to be and how he has made them to function. Our differences will become competing factors that work against us instead of complimenting factors that unify us.

Danny Silk once said it like this, “He didn’t give us gifts to separate us, but to assemble us together.”

In my own life, I have come to find out that competition breeds division, whereas confidence invites celebration and appreciation. That, I believe, is the true key to having healthy relationships.

This post was written by Natalie Hallford. 

The science of neuroplasticity: that’s what we all think of when we hear the word friendship, right? I mean, all I’m looking for in a friend is the right combination of elements to come together for good social chemistry…
Wait, this is not an eHarmony commercial. We are talking about friendships–not soul mates, significant others, or whatever your relational term-of-the-day happens to be. But the science is real, my friends, and applies to more than just the dating arena.

Traditionally, it was thought that the physical brain stopped developing in early childhood, but recent studies have shown that we can grow our brains throughout our lives! Neuroscientist Dr. Caroline Leaf points out that connections between the nerve cells change each time we have an experience. Our brain can actually rework its anatomy in a positive love direction or a toxic fear direction by what we choose to contemplate, and successive actions associated with those choices. So, this, my friends, is the science of neuroplasticity (Don’t you feel smart now? I challenge you to toss that phrase into your next conversation).

Let’s link the Bible with science for just a moment and look at some Old Testament friendships. I recently read over the scenario of Job’s friends coming to sit with him while he suffered. After Satan takes his property, children and health, Job’s friend Eliphaz tells him: Of course you’ve done something sinful since you lost your children and your prosperity (Job 5:1-5)! Toxic thought delivery? Check! Job’s friend Bildad goes so far as to call him a windbag (Job 8:2) and tell him that God probably took his kids because they were sinful. Negativity? Yup!

Thankfully, these are not the only models of friendship we have to draw upon. Listen to the words of Jesus in John 15:15: “I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me.” Literally, the smartest choice we can make for a friend is Jesus. Why? Because, unlike Job’s poorly-trained-in-grief-counseling buddies, Jesus offers these brain-altering words: “I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). When you have toxic thoughts such as “I can’t do this” or “I don’t have the energy to change”, reflect on Your Friend Jesus the Overcomer. His Truth will actually re-wire your brain.

The beauty of Jesus’ friendship with us is that our relationships with others are impacted, too. You knew this already, so let me give you some scientific tidbits to back that up. When we choose to help another person and show love in some way, our body produces two chemicals called dopamine and oxytocin to “melt down” toxic thought pathways (Perfect love casts out fear—1 Jn. 4:18). Conversely, if you want to harbor bitterness toward another or wallow in self-pity, remember that you are creating chemical “water” to expand deadly branches in your brain. Choosing forgiveness and repentance physiologically alters those branches to flourish and become healthy.

Jesus wants to be our true BFF and renew our minds! When we choose Him first, we can then love one another and truly experience supernatural spiritual chemistry.

This post was written by Shelli Jarvis. To read more about her, click here. 

I got the chance to eat lunch with one of my dear friends a couple weeks ago, and I came away from that moment feeling so refreshed. We shared our hearts with each other, celebrated exciting news, talked about things that we’re struggling with, and encouraged one another – all in a matter of a couple hours. We were real with each other. And it was fellowship that my heart desperately needed.

In the last few years of working with college students, I have heard countless stories from young women about the struggle of trying to build life-giving friendships with other women. I can easily understand their pain, because I use to live in that cycle of desiring authentic relationships, but not allowing myself to push past the “uncomfortable” enough to build authentic relationships.

When I think back to why I was so hesitant to cultivate deep friendships, I realize that it wasn’t because I’m naturally an introvert (which is true), or even because of stories in my past that have too closely resembled scenes from “Mean Girls.” My problem was that I had no idea who I was in Christ, and therefore had no confidence that I was worthy or deserving of life-giving friendships.

As I began to learn who I was in Christ, my confidence grew. As my confidence grew, so did my ability to build friendships. When I choose to walk boldly in who I am in Christ, I am free to love people without fear of rejection. I’m free to hear God’s truth for my friends when they need it. I’m free to encourage instead of being worried about saying the wrong thing. I’m free to invest in relationships without the fear of being inadequate.

Brené Brown says it this way:

Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.

We are enough today. We can confidently be who we were created to be, and we can build authentic, deep relationships right in the season and place God has us. Will it always be easy? Heck, no! But it’s so well worth it.

This post was written by Catherine Dunn. To read more about her, click here. 

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:7

Anticipation and joy quickly turned to heartbreak. It was hard to breathe. The words “no heartbeat” had been the last thing I expected to hear. I had loved and carried a baby for 13 weeks to find out we would never bring her into our home. With my husband out of town and no family nearby, I drove home to an empty house. I composed myself long enough to send a text to a dear friend.

“Where are you?” was her immediate response.
Within an hour she was at my door. She sat with me, cried with me and carried my weight. The next day the ladies of our Life Group were at our door with meals. We were showered with love and hugs and tears and texts. This went on for months as we walked through the ugly steps of grief. In a time where I felt it hard to continue, my friends were my biggest blessing. I have learned that sometimes the most beauty comes from tragedy. Through adversity my friends became my sisters.

Who is your community? Who can you call on when your life is no longer sunshine and roses? I so hope that your answer to this question is immediate. If it is not—if you find yourself with nobody you can be real and honest and prayerful with—I want to challenge you. I want to challenge you to take a step out of yourself, out of your busy life, and seek real community.

How very thankful I am that God places people in our lives to minister to us. But friends take time.

In our busy schedules we could choose to continue on without making time to foster relationships. In our hard times we could choose to put on our happy Christian masks and act like we don’t hurt or make mistakes or feel insecure. Oh, sisters—this would only be an injustice to ourselves! The world says being Facebook friends is enough, but let our example of friendship set us apart. Let us live out the model set for us in Acts 4:32.

All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had.

I see an immediate need within the body of Christ for people to feel like they belong. Let’s choose to live in community as God has designed us to. Let’s chose to do life with one another. Please don’t miss out on the true beauty there is to be found in friendships with Christ as the center point. If there is one thing I have learned of late it is that God will carry us through the storm, but sometimes he uses the arms of friends.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other back up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to hold them up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

This post was written by Makenzi Wethington. To read more about her, click here.