Teaching Our Children To Be Kind To Every Kind

It has been 13 and a half years since David’s stroke. I will never forget sitting in a little family side room staring at the MRI picture of David’s brain. The Pediatric ER doctor pointed to a large, black area of David’s brain and informed us that was the area which had been affected by the stroke. In that moment I wanted to punch the man. I had never had that feeling before and I didn’t know whether to throw up, run out, or bawl. No matter my feelings, I knew in the blink of an eye my life had changed. I was now the mom of a child with a disability. We didn’t know what David’s disability would look like, but we knew there was a long road ahead of us.

In those moments, and in the time since, we have been surrounded by friends and family who have embraced us and David’s disability as we have walked this path. We are so grateful. Community always makes it easier, no matter what hardship you are walking through. And, let’s be honest. We all face hardship.

Recently a young mom asked me, “How do I teach my children to love kids with disabilities?”

There are a lot of practical ways to answer that question, and yet, one very simple, absolutely crucial answer. I’ll start with the simple answer and follow with a few practical ideas.

The simple answer is to show love. That seems cliché, but honestly, what families with special needs children need is a lot of love. Teaching your child to love those who are different is a task that all parents are called to and it begins with the parent.  Parents must be able to see a child with a disability and then be intentional in showing that child, and that child’s family, love.

Here are a few practical ways people have shown our family love:

  • Meeting physical needs:  Right after David’s stroke, and really until he was about 4, we had to be in Lubbock for appointments 2-3 times a week. People were so faithful to help in so many ways, bringing food, giving gift cards, etc.  I am not necessarily talking about something that was organized, although that did happen. I’m talking about people hearing from the Holy Spirit, calling and asking if they could bring us dinner, or gifting us in other tangible ways. It was always at just the right time and such a sweet expression of Christ’s love to our family.
  • Including David:  When you have weakness on one side of your body, every physical activity is more difficult. You cannot carry a plate of food at a birthday party or open your own juice box. You are not able to ride a bicycle in the neighborhood with the other boys, and people often have to adjust their plans or activities to meet your needs.  I was always so grateful for friends who would call and honestly ask, “Can David come over, and what do we need to do to help him?” Although that can be a bit uncomfortable to address, it is so helpful to the child with special needs and their family.
  • Giving a needed respite:  Raising a child with special needs is constant. It is hard to explain unless you are doing it. I am so thankful for my family and a handful of friends who were happy and willing to keep David and care for him so Brad and I were able to have a few days away.
  • Speaking words of life and truth:  I cannot tell you the number of people who have prayed for David. We have received cards from all over the world. At first it was hard to hear these prayers of concern, largely because of my own disappointments. However, even in my less than grateful response, people continued to pray and believe for David. What joy it brings when people speak words of assurance and blessing over David. His life is different than we imagined it would be when we brought him home from the hospital, but he is the perfect gift that God intended him to be and he will continue to be as he grows and walks in the paths God puts before him. To this day we have a dear doctor friend who believes in David’s complete and total healing. To say the least, it is always refreshing when David sees him.

This post just scratches the surface of our life with David. My prayer is that people will always see those in need and respond in the way God is calling them to respond. Early on God showed me a verse in Proverbs 31. I think it directly speaks to those with a disability and how we should respond. 

Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.

Proverbs 31:8-9 

David is a normal 14 year old who has minimal limitations, for that we are grateful. But we are surrounded by so many who have extreme limitations. Let’s be sure we are always an expression of Christ’s love to them.

We would like to thank Julie Snellgrove for writing this post!

Ice Cream Recipe

Summer is coming to an end, which is hard to believe, and I must say, I am not all that happy about it. I LOVE summertime! God’s beauty is ever-present, but summer glows with His canvas of amazing color and loveliness: lots of warm sunshine, long daylight hours, swimming pools, painted toenails, refreshing tea, boats gliding across lakes, hummingbirds, shorts, kayaks, thunderstorms, green grass, sandals, beautiful sunsets, tanned skin, ice cold water, flowers, bike rides, ponytails, and Jeep rides. I think heaven will be very similar to summer. One of my most favorite things to do in the summer is get together with family. Early bedtimes for the grandkids are not in effect (at least not at my house), and we really have time to enjoy family. I believe one of God’s greatest gifts to us is our family, and He blesses the time we get to spend with them.  

Another one of my favorite summertime things is ICE CREAM! I have made many gallons of homemade ice cream throughout the years, and it is yummy. But…I didn’t get the recipe perfected without many trials and errors. Johnny and I come from a long line of very good cooks, and I have been fortunate to get many wonderful recipes and cooking lessons from some of the best cooks. The first time I made ice cream, I was sooo excited to prove to Johnny that I could cook as good as his mother. If you know Johnny, you know what a jokester he is, and he has always told me that my cooking was good but not as good as his mother and his “Sissy.” How many of you have heard that before? At the beginning of our marriage, I’d like to say I didn’t take a little offense to this statement. But I did. And I now know he loves my cooking and is just giving me hard time. It was a hot summer day and he came in from moving pipe on the farm. I prepared two bowls of what seemed like perfect ice cream and we dug in. After about two bites, Johnny asked me, “What are these hard, yellow nuggets?” Well, guess what… I didn’t beat the eggs before I put them in the freezer, so we had frozen egg yolks embedded in the ice cream. HA! Ladies, beat your eggs before you add them to the rest of the ingredients! I have several other “first time” cooking stories: fried chicken, piecrust, jello – haha! Ask me about them sometime. 🙂

My early cooking experiences remind me of how God molds and transforms us. At first, we are a little rough around the edges and may have some hard, yellow nuggets that need to be beat out of us or we are not quite done and need to cook a little longer, but if we place ourselves in the company of good Christians that have fruit oozing out of their beings, dig deep into God’s word and let Him transform our hearts, we can perfect our “recipes.” And just like adding to or revising our recipes, we need to let God sprinkle a little love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control into our lives, adding to and revising our recipes as we grow in His love.

My favorite Bible verse is Ephesians 3:20:

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.”

Wow! Sit outside in His glorious sunlight, take delight in His colorful landscape and ponder on those words. What a joy we have in Jesus! Oh, and dig into a big bowl of ice cream!

Ice Cream Recipe

(This recipe is for a 6 quart freezer.)

9 Eggs (well beaten!)                                                

1 pint Whipping Cream (whip before you add)                                  

1 ½ cups Sugar                                                   

1 can Eagle Brand Milk   

2 tsp. Vanilla

1 can Evaporated Milk

Mix all the ingredients together and put in an ice cream freezer can. Fill remainder of freezer with milk. Insert freezer can into bucket and lock into place. Add ice and rock salt in the space between the can and the outside of your bucket. Run machine until it slows down or stops. Enjoy!!

We’d like to thank Kim Street for writing this blog!

Family Game Night

Is your home fun? Psalm 118:15 says that “the sound of joyful shouting and salvation is in the tents of the righteous.” We, above all people, should have homes where laughter and joy ring out, homes that are fun places to be. In our Kingdom Families trainings, Myles Sweeney talks about the walls of our houses being saturated with laughter. Canadian blogger and pastor’s wife Elisha Galotti even goes so far as to challenge us, “Believe that laughter is as important for our children as proper nutrition.”

As mothers, we are extremely influential in setting the atmosphere of our home, and then RE-setting it again and again, as many times as it takes. It doesn’t mean we have to be perfect at it — but it means we do have that power. Let’s access that power to make our homes those pleasant places where people want to be. 

One excellent way to cultivate that atmosphere at your house is to schedule a family game night this summer. Playing games together builds a family culture, breaks up any routine monotony, and gets everyone interacting around the table. Our family has so many hilarious memories from game nights with aunts and uncles and grandparents. Just mention a naked mole rat to one of my boys and see where the conversation might lead…

When our boys were very young, we did our fair share of CandyLand, Chutes & Ladders, and Go Fish, later graduating to Monopoly, Scattergories, and Clue. We also like to change up the rules on the ol’ classics. Our personal versions of Yahtzee abound — roll straight down the card in order; speed round where everyone plays at once; roll 4 times each turn instead of 3. What about trying a twist on Pictionary — “Charade-tionary,” anyone? Teams take turns acting out the 5 words listed on the cards with a 1-minute time limit. Scrabble tiles can be used to build individual little crossword puzzles. Just pick up 2 additional letters every time someone uses up all their letters. Similar to Bananagrams, this quick-moving little gem is otherwise known as “Take Two.” Sometimes we pass Catchphrase around the dinner table without worrying about teams or score-keeping, and it basically turns into a happy-shouting free-for-all. 

Other Brown favorites that might be less well-known include Telestrations, Guess Who, Pass the Pigs, Ticket to Ride, Whoonu, and 15,000 (played with 5 dice). Creative brain games like ABC’s, Name 5, and logic puzzles have kept us occupied for hours on road trips. We’ve been known to hold Talent Shows, Comedy Nights, and Wii bowling tournaments when the big family comes to town for the holidays. Speaking of tournaments, a group of our friends even prints out championship brackets and awards prizes when we get serious about Marbles. (Competitive, much??) You probably have your own repertoire of favorites. Share them with us in the comments below?

Even if you don’t feel like a “game person,” even if your family members moan or resist the idea at first, I challenge you to be the initiator. This summer might be the perfect chance to shake things up! Try something new! After you get over that initial hump, I’d bet you money that everyone will be laughing and making memories in spite of themselves before the night is over. Game on, girls!!

We would like to thank Jill Brown for this blog post!

Oh Summer, I Love Thee

Let me count the ways.

I love the slower pace. I love ice cream. I love working out. I love a cleaned up yard. I love flowers. I love watching the kids swim. I love movies. I love walks with the kids and chatting with neighbors in the cool of the day. I love reading books. I love reading books. I love reading books. LOL

I love opening the sun roof on our super-sassy minivan and pumping up the bass on Kirk Franklin’s “Revolution” as the kids scream, “OOAH! OOAH!” (I don’t really know how to type out that sound, but I’ll bet if you’ll go listen to that song, you’ll figure it out.)

I love impromptu dinners with other families when they come over and bring what they have and I haven’t cleaned the house. I love when my hubby takes the girls on Triple Daughter/Daddy Dates to Sonic to get a coke. And I love how even when I say I don’t need anything, he goes ahead and gets me a milkshake. And I drink it all.

I love the chance to go to the lake with my family and watching the kids with their cousins. It is an all-or-nothing experience. There are sometimes 20 people sleeping under one roof. The kids are never guaranteed a bed and they don’t care. They love exploring the barns, of which they affectionately renamed The Kids Only Club. Summer is for reconnecting with family. And we’ve been blessed with great family on both sides.

I love that we can take naps at 9:30 in the morning if we want. I love making a list of to-do’s that the girls have to complete before they watch TV. You know those giant math consumables their teachers send home with them at the end of school??? We use them! For a moment in time, I feel like a super-intentional mom.

I love that summer gives me freedom to try new things. Last night I sat on the turquoise bench my husband made out of a bedframe his grandfather made many decades ago. I sat there with a cup of hot tea and read a book. And I started to cry because I was looking at the grass and it was so beautiful to me. I hadn’t even mowed it yet! I was moved by our imperfect yard with a whole variety of grasses and weeds growing. But they’re all green, so whatever, right??? The bench on which I was resting my rear hadn’t even been dusted. I didn’t even care. I could BREATHE. I could HEAR. I could FEEL the blessing of God allowing me to experience a moment to refresh my soul. And there were no mosquitoes. So I know that we are living in the will of God. Haha! Summer brings some of that out in me.

I love summer because it reminds me that God created a season where all of nature shouts, “THRIVE! BLOOM!” And it feels sooo good!

We want to thank Jodi LaFrance for writing this blog post!

Sibling Love

Sibling Love

Editor’s Note: This is a post from a couple of years ago. Teaching the value of loving our siblings is important. This is a great post to revisit as we begin summer!

When we really stop and think about the people who have impacted our life, there are certain qualities that they all have.

They show care: when you’re hurting, they’re there to see what they can do to help.

They show concern: when they see something is different in your life, they ask you about it. They’re concerned for who you are, what you’re going through and what you need.

They display kindness. They let you choose first. They give you gifts out of kindness. They speak words of encouragement over you. They smile and are welcoming. You feel and know their kindness.

Care, concern, and kindness mark the people who impact us. As I think about my boys and raising them, I’m keenly aware of who I want them to become. But I’m also aware that more is caught than taught. I’ve been asked many times, “Do your boys really like each other?  Are they really friends?”  The answer is yes.

Although friendships are never easy, especially within a home, when we model healthy friendships, it rubs off onto our kids. When we show care, concern and kindness, our children learn this as the norm.  When we remind our kids that we are people who show care, concern and kindness, it helps them remember to “be”not to “strive for “—those attributes.

Parenting isn’t easy, but really everything worth doing has its challenges.

I’d rather fight the battle at home and raise men who impact the world, than make excuses for why my children are unkind, self-consumed, and careless. How about you?

Practical To-Do’s for Siblings:
– Always say sorry
– Always say I forgive you
– Always hug it out (sometimes I make my boys sit on the couch and hug each other, or hold hands until they stop fighting…some days that’s worse than a spank)
– Remind them they will always be best friends
– Play together
– Work together
– Pray for each other
– Show gratitude and say thank you to each other

Here’s a few cheap summer activities for you and your kids:
* Go get snow cones
* Buy a decent, over-the-door basketball hoop and shoot hoops indoors
* Make tents out of blankets in your living room and watch movies, read books, have tea parties inside it
* Pour all the Legos out in the living room and build a gigantic Lego fortress
* Visit Palo Duro Canyon
* Run through the sprinklers
* Use mini marshmallows and toothpicks to build mini-tower structures
* Bubbles… all ages love bubbles
* Fly a kite
* Build an obstacle course through the house or in the backyard
* Watch your favorite sports team and make up chants
* Play video games
* Get a month free subscription to Netflix
* Have a sleepover in the living room
* Laugh a lot
* Enjoy the ones God gave you

I love my boys, as I know you love your kids. May we continually remember what precious gifts they are to us and that God has picked you to mother the children he’s given to you, and me to mother the boys given to me.

Be blessed my sweet friends, enjoy your kiddos and enjoy the summer.

This post was written by Julie Snellgrove. To read more about her, click here.

Made To Love

Editor’s Note: May is National Foster Care Month. It’s a time to recognize that we each can play an important part in enhancing the lives of children and youth in foster care.

I’ll never forget the evening I spent packing up my first foster loves’ clothes for the last time. They were going to their “real” home. And my heart was broken.

I fully believed that this was God’s plan.

I knew they were in good hands; their family loved them. But man did it hurt saying goodbye! I put a smile on my face, and I hugged and kissed them, and when an unexpected tear ran down my face,  I explained it away. “They were happy tears.” I was just so happy they were going to be with their mommy. That is what we had been working and praying so hard for! And God had been preparing my heart for this day for years.

Before I welcomed my own babies into this world, God shared 2 others with me. Though only briefly, they were mine and I’ll love them forever. But for reasons beyond my understanding, God needed them in heaven. After reflecting on that, it made perfect sense. He was teaching me how to love someone with my whole heart and hand them back over to Him. 

I wrestled with the thought of this silently for a long time. I had many conversations with God about how I was not foster mom material. They were something like:

“I’m just a regular person. I can’t save these kids.” He said, “You were never made to be their savior. You were made to love them.”

“But I am far from a perfect parent. I make mistakes daily.” He replied, “Your job is to be present not perfect. You were made to love them.

But it will be so hard…I will get attached. How can I let them go?” He answered, “Yes it will be hard but it will be worth it. And you will never be alone. You were made to love them.”

I was given this verse and man did it hit me!

John 13:34-35 “A new command I give to you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

What God told me was all these expectations I had put on myself of what the perfect parent was supposed to be, didn’t matter. He wanted to use me in some of the most difficult situations these kids will have to live through. My job is not to be perfect, just to show them His perfect love and to love them so much it hurts, because they deserve it!

One Sunday the sermon jumped out and slapped me in the face. I will paraphrase because as far as I’m concerned this was what I was supposed to hear.

When you step out and follow your calling it’s not going to be easy. Get over yourself and the fears that tell you you’re unworthy. It’s going to be uncomfortable…do it anyway.

Luke 9:23 “And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.”

Ok God, I hear you.

That day Brandon and I went for lunch and randomly he brought up the idea of fostering. I think he was a bit shocked when I jumped right on it. I explained how this had been laid on my heart as well and how I had secretly been looking into an agency already.  

We later had a conversation with our kids. This decision would change their world, too. How would they feel about sharing us? Will they understand the why? The answer was yes! Our son said “Mom, if we can show 1 kid that there is good in the world and teach them how we love, then we have done our job.” He gets it!

Fast forward to the heart wrenching day Brandon and I had to send home our 2 foster loves. By the end of the day we had received 2 calls from our agency; more children were needing homes. We were faced with a hard decision. Who do we take next, and how can you choose?! There are children right here in our community that are hungry, neglected and feel alone. God calls us to rise up and love them.  

Our world has been flipped, tripped and thrown upside down. And what a blessing it has been! We are planting seeds of love in their hearts and although we may never see the end results, we are doing what we were called to do. We were made to love.

We want to thank Misty Rowell for writing this blog post!

Gardening from the Heart

Genesis 1:11-12
“Then God said, ‘Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.’  And it was so. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.”

As I prayed about what to share about my garden and my experiences with gardening, my heart was continually drawn to look at the heart of the one true Gardener… God!

God has created each of us to plant our own gardens with His seeds. He has directed us to plan, prepare, plant and enjoy time in the garden, live in freedom, and enjoy our lives! 

In scripture, God refers to seeds as His words that are not perishable seeds, but imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God (1 Peter 1:23).

Just as God has given us His seeds (words) to plant, sow, water and nourish, He has also given us talents to plant and grow flower gardens for beauty or vegetable gardens for nourishment. Which ever garden you desire, here are a few tips to help you design and grow your gardens.

Gardening tips : Easy Gardening 

  • Make a plan – Find a space – Check out amount of time for sun or shade in that space.
  • Check out Better Homes and Garden – Free garden plans (5 Easy Garden Plans ) or other websites.
  • Prepare – Clean it up and add necessary nutrients with fertilizer, compost and/or garden soil.
  • Flowers – Look around your neighborhood, visit with professionals or friends or check out Pinterest. 
  • Head to Nursery – Read the cards – Annuals vs. perennials – Sun vs. shade.
  • Budget – Know what you can afford and shop around! Sometimes people are thinning out their flowers and you can get free flowers – start from seed if you have time.
  • Plant – use a variety, mix colors and textures, add rocks or other decorative items.
  • Feed/Water – Water daily and feed once a month (dry fertilizer).
  • Deadhead – Cut off dead flowers. This allows for a second flush to develop. Weed. Add or move flowers as needed.
  • Mulch – Helps to control weeds and holds moisture.

My encouragement to you is: as you plant flowers and seeds in your gardens this Spring and Summer, take time and speak to the Ultimate Gardener and ask where your spiritual seeds can be planted! 

…Be patient, bearing with one another in love (Ephesians 4:2) as you wait on The Lord for His seeds (words) to flourish in the hearts of the people God places on your heart. The Lord will bless your efforts as you design, plant, nurture and love your gardens.

“The glory of gardening: 
          hands in the dirt,
          head in the sun, 
          heart with nature.
To nurture a garden
          is to feed not 
          just on the body,
          but the soul.”
                           Alfred Austin

Happy Gardening!

We would like to thank Bambi Lutrick for writing this post!