Peace With Your Children

Editor’s Note: During the month of November, we are going to learn how to build healthy, Godly relationships. Whether it is with yourself, your spouse, your kids, your friends, your co-workers, who we surround ourselves with matters! Relationships can be life-giving and sometimes not. Looking to the Word gives us clear direction and instruction on how to foster healthy relationships. Enjoy reading these just in time for the holidays!

Many years ago, when I was expecting my first child, a dear friend said something to me I have thought about many times since. “This baby is coming into your world, not you into it’s.” At the time, we were discussing schedules, but over and over again as a mom, I have had to remind myself of this. As a wife, and a mother, I am not merely a thermometer in my home, but I am the thermostat. God has given me authority over my home, and I get to choose what the atmosphere is going to be at any given time. Do I want an atmosphere of chaos or peace? Personally, I prefer peace. That choice is mine.

Part of how we establish peace in our homes is through boundaries. One huge area in which we must establish those boundaries is with our kids. Contrary to what my dear friend told me many years ago, culture encourages us as moms to “be present” with our children. Yes, we absolutely need to be present. Our children need our hearts more than anything else. But the underlying myth that comes with the statement that we need to “be present” is that we need to be available at their every beck and call. I have four kids age 8 and under. I don’t know about you, but if I make myself available to their every beck and call, I am going to be CONSTANTLY called in MANY different directions. That in no way is going to establish peace in my home. It is going to bring, chaos, dissension, and discord.

So how do we strike a balance between being present, and bringing peace? There are lots of ways that you can do this in your home, but below are a few of the ways that I have been able to find that balance in my home.

1. Tell your children no.

As moms, our hearts are for our children. We want them to be happy. We want what is best for them. Sometimes, that means learning how to deal with the disappointment of being told no. God places us in families, and that can mean that there are different needs and wants at coinciding times. Part of our job as moms is to take all of the information in, and then make the best decision for our family. I’m sure you have discovered, this doesn’t always make everyone happy. In those moments, I like to remind my kids that they have an opportunity to “value others above ourselves” as Paul instructs us to do in Philippians 2:4. 

When you make a decision and you tell your children no, stand firm. When we concede to their pleas for a different answer, it may bring peace for the moment, but it does not bring an enduring peace to your home.

2. Be honest – with your kids, and with yourself.

Many times, my children ask me to play with them. I hate telling them that I can’t right at that moment. So what I find myself saying is “in a minute” or “let me just finish this one thing” when I know that what I need to get done is going to take more than a minute, or that I have more than one thing to finish before I can sit down and play with my children. What we are doing when we answer our children like this is just kicking the stone down the road. We don’t want to deal with the repercussions of telling our child no, so we delay the consequences. This isn’t honest, and it isn’t honoring to our children. 

1 Corinthians 13 tells us that “love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.” So, instead, be honest with your child. Tell them that you would love to play with them, but you have some things you need to get done first, and you will come find them when you are ready. Another thing that works really well in my house, is to invite your children into what you are doing. Let them come along with you and help. Whether that is folding laundry, or making dinner, or even working from home. Find a way for them to be in the room with you, helping, or doing their own “work” from home.

The other thing we need to be honest with ourselves about is the actual “needs” on our to do list. Sometimes, when I look at my child’s eyes, and I stop and listen to the Holy Spirit, I can see that a few minutes spent with my child is actually a much greater need than folding the laundry on the couch.

3. Expectations and Routines

Kids respond well when they know the expectations and boundaries that are in place. Creating a habit out of the expectations and boundaries we have can be difficult, but putting in the effort at the beginning to create habits will reap rewards for years to come. If I thought that establishing a schedule and a routine for one child was important, it only gets more important for each child you add to the mix, and for each activity you add to the list. It is much easier to move a herd of animals when they are all moving in the same direction. The same is true with a family. A schedule has been crucial in our home because not only do my kids know what to expect when, but they know what the expectations are for that specific activity. If I tell them that it is time to get ready for school, they know that means they need to go and do their morning checklist. On Sundays, when we get home from church, it’s cleaning day, (yea for help!) and then they know that everyone takes a nap. They don’t fight us on this or whine about it, because they know what is coming. If my kids want a snack, they know they have to say their memory verse first. These are simple examples, but having these routines in place means that I don’t have to make extra decisions or answer extra questions throughout the day. My kids know what to expect, and this brings peace and order to our home.

Peace in our homes is something that the enemy fights against with all that he can. So moms, let’s not let all of our circumstances dictate the atmosphere in our homes. Let’s stand firm, and choose peace for our homes, so that the peace of Christ may also reign in our hearts, and in the hearts of our husband, and our children.

We would like to thank Brooke Kellum for writing this post!

An Eye Opening Flight

An Eye Opening Flight

Editor’s Note: During the month of November, we are going to learn how to build healthy, Godly relationships. Whether it is with yourself, your family, your friends, your co-workers, who we surround ourselves with matters! Relationships can be life-giving and sometimes not. Looking to the Word gives us clear direction and instruction on how to foster healthy relationships. Enjoy reading these just in time for the holidays!

When our daughter was 8 years old, I remember watching her little figure disappear down the tunnel to board a plane to visit her grandparents in Dallas. It probably would have felt like a big deal, except she was so confident and fearless that I just went with it!  

Until she was out of my sight. Then I basically freaked out, realizing that my child was now alone in the world for the next hour until she arrived in Dallas, where HOPEFULLY my parents were there to meet her.  

I mean, logically, I figured she’d be fine. But I think my fear was more that something crazy would happen and she wouldn’t know what to do. Like a flight diversion or the oxygen masks falling down or the old lady next to her having a heart attack. As I stood there doubting our parenting wisdom in sending her, just as clear as ever, the voice of the Lord said in my spirit:

“Playing it safe will not get this girl where she needs to go.”

Say what? This was a little terrifying and somehow comforting all at the same time! It brought peace to my momma heart as I stood in the airport that day, and it opened my eyes to the bigger picture that the risk involved in this plane ride was a tiny step toward her destiny in the Kingdom.

Have you ever felt stuck in your relationship with your kids? Maybe your own fears keep you from letting go as a parent, or your child has a personality that’s COMPLETELY foreign to you and keeps doing things that you just don’t understand. Tension builds up in your relationship and you’re just not sure how to relate and help them become all they’re meant to be.

I get it!

Friend, God is 100% for us and our children. He isn’t hiding stuff from us when it comes to our kids.

Through the years as our family has talked through decisions big and small, this word over our child has helped define our relationship. It’s affected decisions all the way from whether or not she could go to a certain party or event, to making a bold decision to change schools. It’s been so important in our relationship because it’s helped me as a mom to understand my daughter enough to push past my fears over her. It’s given me a God-confidence for her future. It has given our daughter the freedom to take risks, and to fail, and to GROW.

What truth has God shared with you about your children? It could be a phrase, a scripture, maybe a picture, or a prophetic word delivered by someone else to you. If you aren’t sure of anything specific, that’s okay. Begin asking the Lord to show you, and I fully believe he will. When you feel fear or anxiety about your kids, like I did in the airport, that’s the perfect time to listen. These are the moments when the Lord wants to remind us that he’s the Good Shepherd, always seeking us out, leading us, tending to us, and strengthening us.

God says, “I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I myself will make them lie down, declares the Lord God. I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them in justice” (Ezekiel 34:15-16). 

The Good Shepherd wants to keep you and your children close to Him. Sometimes He prompts me to knock on our daughter’s bedroom door late at night and initiate a conversation, to unexpectedly check her phone, to probe deeper with my questions, to share something with her that’s on my heart. When you receive that word from him about your kids, let it inspire your confidence and move you. It’s not comfortable, but it’s a gift and will lead you into deeper connections with your kids than you ever imagined.

The challenges of 2020 are leading our kids into their destiny. Do you believe that? Don’t listen to the voices that say that the future is bleak. As moms, let’s partner with God in raising kids who know who they are and who take their rightful place in their homes, their communities, and the world.

We would like to thank Jill Moudy for writing this post.

I Belong

I Belong

Editor’s Note: During the month of November, we are going to learn how to build healthy, Godly relationships. Whether it is with yourself, your family, your friends, your co-workers, who we surround ourselves with matters! Relationships can be life-giving and sometimes not. Looking to the Word gives us clear direction and instruction on how to foster healthy relationships. Enjoy reading these just in time for the holidays!

One summer during a Fourth of July weekend, I was invited to a cookout where I watched fireworks with a group of friends. Music was blaring, kids were splashing down the water slide, and of course there was good food. I was able to hang out and visit with my friends, laughing and enjoying their company. For one of the first times in my life, I knew that I belonged. I was not an outsider. I was wanted and welcomed. 

I didn’t put words to it until the next morning in my journal, but as I sat there with my friends, another thought came up. I don’t feel like I have anything of real value to offer. I mean, I think I’m a good friend; at least I’m trying to be. But what do I really bring to the table as a person? Just sitting there being me? I’m not criticizing myself, and I don’t have low self-esteem. I just felt like I came to the table empty-handed. If I’m not doing something to help or serve in some way—if I’m just sitting there “being with” my friends—what do I bring to the table?  

Many of us have believed these lies (or something similar) about ourselves:

“I am alone.”

“I am the outsider looking in.”

“I am not invited.”

I have struggled with these lies as well. And to tell you the truth, I still struggle with them. I often wondered if I should write about it, because I’m still learning to receive my invitation from God: You are invited. Your presence matters. Take a seat at the table. Only after we have received this truth can we turn around and make room for others at the table. 

Here’s the catch: These lies are not my friends. Until you and I realize this, we will keep holding onto them as truth. But they are not true. And they will only hurt us further. 

Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, an author and internal medicine doctor, writes that because of a troubled childhood, she did not trust God. Even after she became a doctor, she had no relationship with God until later. She writes, “My spiritual journey was never about finding God. My journey has always been about finding home—a place of rest.”

No matter who we are or where we’ve come from, don’t we all long for home, a place of belonging? C.S. Lewis writes: “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” This world is not our permanent home. And yet we are called to make home for ourselves in this world. We know it’s temporary, but God has still called us to create spaces for His heaven to meet the earth. We get to make room for God’s kingdom and beauty and creativity here. This includes intentionally building healthy relationships within the family of God. 

Author Emily P. Freeman writes, “When Jesus walked the dusty roads of earth, many followed Him, but then changed their minds. He was too much for some and not enough for others. He turned to His friends, the disciples, and asked if they wanted to go away, too. As we continue to learn what it truly means to be home, may we say, along with Peter, ‘Lord, where else would we go?’”

After Jesus in His physical form went to heaven, He came in spiritual form to live inside of us—not in a physical body, but as the Holy Spirit. He says it right there in John 14: “I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth…No, I will not abandon you as orphans—I will come to you…All who love Me will do what I say. My Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with each of them” (John 14:16-18, 23, NLT).

I love this: The God of the universe came to the earth so that He could make His home with each of us. We are never alone. As a result, we can then make the conscious decision to build relationships within the family of God–His Body, His Church. 

We have to remind (even sometimes “coach”) ourselves who God says we are. Speak God’s truth and your feelings will follow. Sometimes this looks like asking to be part of a group (instead of wishing someone would ask you). Sometimes it looks like saying yes when you’re invited to go somewhere with someone. Stop telling yourself you’re not wanted. That lie is broken off! It’s gone now. As you step into your place in God’s family, live out the truth and claim it with confidence: I belong here, I have a place, I am valued, my showing up matters, my presence is a gift to these friends. Sometimes we have to take action and step into places that reflect the truth. People won’t always think to invite us. But if we already know God has invited us, we can join in with confidence. 

We would like to thank Heather Dillard for writing this post!

Fasting to Feast

Editor’s Note: This summer we will post a new blog every other Thursday. In August, we will start a new series. I am praying that you would be refreshed and enjoy your SUMMER!

Fasting. What images or feelings does that word conjure up in you? I don’t know why I didn’t practice fasting as I grew up. It’s just not something we did as a family. I’m not sure I ever heard it talked about much. We read our Bibles often, but maybe we just glossed over those portions of scripture that mentioned that particular spiritual discipline. I certainly believed there was no way I could ever do that.

For some reason in the past two to three years, I have been exposed to people who fast from food on a regular basis, and they seemed pretty normal. I am not sure what really captured my fascination with it other than I felt a conviction in my spirit that my physical and spiritual appetites were out of control. John Piper wrote in his book A Hunger for God, “If you don’t feel strong desires for the manifestation of the glory of God, it is not because you have drunk deeply and are satisfied. It is because you have nibbled so long at the table of the world. Your soul is stuffed with small things, and there is no room for the great.”

I knew God was calling me to action.

Let me say that there are all kinds of fasts you can do. I choose to fast from food after supper to the next day’s supper one day a week. I don’t believe that the spiritual discipline of fasting meant that God was extra proud of my sacrifice or spirituality. Fasting isn’t meant to be a tool whereby we manipulate God and others into doing what we want or projecting a holier-than-thou image. In fact, it exposed all kinds of stuff in me. I’m not proud of this, but there was a spoiled child inside me who demanded to have what she wanted when she wanted it. I learned to take those strong emotions and issues to Christ as often as I had to in order to bring myself into submission to Him and His word.

It became a powerful practice to help me in my relationships with Christ because I was more aware of His nearness in my daily life. In John 6:22-35 Jesus and a group of seeking people have an interesting interaction. Go read it. There’s a lot going on in that text, but one of the things that speaks to me is how much Jesus wants us to know Him. 

Jesus answered them and said, “Most assuredly, I say to you, you seek Me, not because you saw the signs, but because you ate of the loaves and were filled. Do not labor for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to everlasting life, which the Son of Man will give you, because God the Father has set His seal on Him” (John 6:26-27 NKJV).

Do you find yourself jumping from hobby to hobby, job to job, diet to diet, or friend to friend just hoping that maybe this next one will be “it” for you? Do you ever look back over the seasons of your life and notice that your soul is unsettled or unsatisfied?

Friend, there is another Bread. Are you willing to fast from food for a short period of time so you can feast on the Bread of Heaven?

God knew our souls were made to crave connection and fulfillment with Him. He designed us that way. But we medicate that hunger with what seems like everything but time with Him. Fasting is one of the quickest ways I know to create capacity for our relationship with Christ. Wendy Speake, author of The 40-Day Sugar Fast puts it this way: “When God sets us free from the strongholds in our lives, we’re free to experience His strong hold.”

And that’s what I’ve been craving this season. So much has changed in my life over the past few years that I am desperate to experience the friendship of Christ like never before. I want to hear His voice because the world is screaming loudly these days with a new crisis every week, it seems. Fasting helps clear out all the spiritual clutter. I believe God has very important things to impart to us in this season of our lives. Let’s embrace a fasting lifestyle so we can listen, hear, and respond quickly to His voice.

We’d like to thank Jodi LaFrance for writing this blog post!

Having Peace as a Working Mom

Editor’s Note: During the month of May, we will focus on learning to have peace in every aspect of our lives. Lean in and ask the Holy Spirit to cultivate this fruit in you. Let’s “seek peace and pursue it” (Psalm 34:14) together! 

As a CFO for Covenant Health System, one of the phrases I use often in my line of work is, “No Margin, No Mission.” If we are not good financial stewards and do not have a good margin, we cannot fulfill our mission of being the hands and feet of Jesus. One day I had a revelation: this should apply to my personal life, too! If I do not have margin in my life, meaning, I do not set boundaries and seek peace, I cannot fulfill the mission of being a disciple of Jesus, an uplifting wife, a fun and positive mom, and a good friend and coworker. Without peace, and I mean the peace that only Jesus can offer, it will be impossible to have anything that resembles margin.  

What does it look like to have peace as a working mom? How do you create margin? I think we often view peace as sitting in a quiet place, drinking coffee, and listening to worship music or reading a book.  We equate it to its true definition, which is freedom from disturbance. In all fairness, in a worldly sense, that is what peace looks like. Those things are great, and goodness I would give anything to have the time to do those things, but the reality is that most days, I do not have that kind of time. Sometimes we have a false sense of what peace looks like because we have false expectations or worldly views.  Routine looks different for everyone, but as disciples of Jesus, peace should not. Peace is not found in any earthly person, place or thing; it is a promise from God, and it is Jesus himself! There are countless verses in the Bible that tell us if we will fix our eyes on Him, He will give us peace. Here are just a few:

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27). 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).     

Peace to me lately has looked like truly believing that God wants only good for me and He works all things for my good (Romans 8:28). I was asked to write this blog prior to COVID-19 (insert laughter here). As a hospital administrator, you can imagine my life has changed some since that time. I’m still working fulltime, attempting distance learning with Marek (heavy on the word attempting), and we also moved in the middle of it all. One might say my world has been turned upside down, as many of ours have, but through all of this I have remained at peace. Are the days stressful? Of course! Am I exhausted at the end of most days? Absolutely! But peace does not equate to a relaxed schedule, and true peace is not circumstantial; peace simply equals trusting God.

I’m going to trust that God is who He says He is, and that manifests peace in my soul.

Anxiety is a lie. It tells you that you are not enough, you are not equipped to handle your purpose, and it causes you to live in a world of worst-case scenarios. I choose the peace of Jesus over anxiety! 

As for creating margin, last week I drove to Sonic and ordered a chili cheese dog, turned on worship music, and sat in my car eating junk food and worshiping Jesus, proclaiming that we are going to see a victory. Margin will look different for everyone, but find those small moments in your day, even if that’s all you have, to create margin.    

May mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance (Jude 1:2) my friends, as we face whatever trials might come our way.

We would like to thank Cassie Mogg for writing this blog post!

Loving Your Husband When It’s Not Easy

Editor’s Note: During the month of April, we have been focusing on marriage.  The following post is a bit more vulnerable in nature. We’ve chosen to leave the author anonymous in order to protect those involved.  Many of us fight battles behind closed doors and are struggling to find  healing in those dark places.  We pray this will bring hope and encouragement if you’re walking through a similar situation.  As always, Harvest Christian Fellowship is here to help you.  Please reach out at anytime.  We are praying for you and we know God is always working things out for good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose.  Much love, Julie Snellgrove (julie@harvestchristianfellowship.org)

I could’ve easily titled this blog, “Dealing With My Husband’s Porn Journey,” but I’ve realized, this isn’t only about him; it’s our journey. And yes, I’m going to talk about pornography today.  (Insert smile here)

I came into our marriage with trust issues because of choices I made in my past. I was a guarded woman, and fear had taken root in my heart about infidelity and lust. As newlyweds, there were a lot of career and family distractions, so it was easy to shove my pain and my hurt under the rug and pretend I didn’t know my husband had a problem with lust and pornography. I was scared to face it, honestly. I was scared to address it because I knew that meant pain for us both. 

One night, I’d had enough and called him out when I saw him looking at another woman.  We had come to a spot in our marriage I never dreamed we’d find ourselves in: broken.  I’m not sure I will ever forget the pain that I felt that night. Women are emotional beings, and we tend to attach our self-worth to the attention we get from our husbands. And when our husband’s attention is not 100% on us, we get jealous. We feel hurt, inadequate, less than, betrayed, violated, not good enough, ugly. To compensate, we put up walls, cover up, and aren’t as willing to have sex. Is anyone with me? I became very jealous and hyperaware. The enemy had a foothold at this point. 

The evening that I lost it was the night the Lord began healing us both. My husband didn’t change instantly, and I didn’t trust instantly. Things actually got worse before they got better. I had a really hard time trying to understand; I felt so betrayed by these fake images.  It took some hard conversations, some honest evaluations of where we were in our relationship, some boundaries, and a lot of counseling to get through.

The Lord graciously gave me insight to this specific addiction. Desire for the opposite sex in itself is not sinful; it’s what we do with those desires.  I’ve found that pain from old wounds is what drives a man to look at porn. It’s a deep-rooted problem. If this is a struggle your husband is dealing with, he probably hates that he does it. He probably prays for enough strength to not look at those images and asks other men for wisdom and prayer for healing. He probably lives his life in constant shame. Through this process, the Lord brought enough healing to my heart that allowed me to see that my husband was being honest and had a desire to change. I realized that I needed to find a way to help him.

Here are some things that really helped us:

  • HONESTY. One evening, we sat down and my husband allowed me to ask some really tough questions under the agreement that we wouldn’t get mad at each other. I would much rather know and have him be honest with me about where he is than keep it from me. Warning: these conversations are NOT fun. But there is something supernatural that happens in your marriage when you get to this place of honesty (Proverbs 12:22). 
  • BOUNDARIES. We put boundaries in place and made a commitment to stay within them. Boundaries bring safety and cultivate deeper intimacy (1 Corinthians 13:6-7). 
  • COUNSELING. We went to counseling together, and I unloaded a bunch of pain that I had been holding onto. I realized that my husband was wrong for looking at porn, but I was wrong in assuming wayyyyyyyyyyy too much because of pain I had not dealt with in my own life. I had to swallow my pride (Ephesians 4:32). 
  • FRIENDSHIP. I was completely vulnerable with a few friends and they supported me, listened to me, grabbed my hand and told me I was strong and brave and could do hard things. They spoke life into my bones (Proverbs 17:17). 
  • COMMUNICATION. This is the bottom line: had we talked about our struggles years before, they wouldn’t have bled into more than 5 years of marriage. It’s taken a long time to take off each brick that has been put around my heart as a result of lust and porn. Our marriage isn’t perfect; we aren’t perfect. But we have learned some very valuable lessons along the way, and one of the most important is to communicate with your spouse (Proverbs 16:24). 
  • LOVE. I learned to love him through the sin. Together, we didn’t accept or support the sin; we acknowledged the sin and agreed to love each other through the sin. It was hard to love him while I knew he was still struggling with looking at porn. But love conquers all. Even a porn addiction (1 Peter 4:8). 
  • PRAYER. I prayed like crazy over my husband and myself. I prayed for freedom from this addiction. I prayed for empathy to rush over me. I wasn’t perfect, and I had to humble myself and realize I am a sinner, too. I prayed for forgiveness and understanding (1 Peter 3:8-9). 
  • SCRIPTURE. I saturated myself in the Word of God and in His Truth. I did my best to take every evil thought about my husband captive and submit it to the Word of God (Philippians 4:6-9). 
  • SUBMISSION. I learned that my husband was created for intimacy and has a sex drive, and my role as a wife is to submit to him and his needs. If I’m not giving my husband what he needs, it may be a stumbling block. Sex with your husband is a weapon of unity against the enemy (1 Corinthians 7:3-4).

With confidence, I can say the Lord met us in these hard places, and with a lot of hard work, He delivered my husband from his sexual sin, and my heart was healed from jealousy and filled with trust. And I can confidently say that the Lord will meet you. He will walk with you through this valley (Psalm 23:4).  We had some very ugly fights and hard conversations, but the rewards are worth it. We now have an open and honest relationship with more intimacy than I ever thought possible.

Never be ashamed of seeking help; we ALL have issues. You may feel hopeless or feel like the pain is too deep. But know there is always hope! Our God is a God of healing and restoration. Please send an e-mail to the church office if you’d like more information on counseling. We are here for YOU!

Setting Boundaries With Your Time

Editor’s Note: During the month of March, we will be focusing on setting boundaries in different areas of our lives. It’s our prayer that the posts we share this month will inspire you to set healthy boundaries that will help you live the abundant, blessed life that scripture promises, which glorifies the Lord and points those around us to Jesus. 

Time. It seems there is just never enough of it. Not enough hours in the day to do all I need to do, much less all I want to do. But God has been teaching me how to number my days that I might gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12) and to redeem—or make the most of—my time (Ephesians 5:16). He is showing me that my time should be spent on things of eternal significance. What does that mean? For me, it has meant three things.

First, I made a list of priorities, then took that list to God and allowed him to re-prioritize as needed so that he is the one establishing my steps (Proverbs 16:9). Our lists will be different depending on the season we are in, but God desires for all of us to commit each day to the pursuit of honoring and glorifying him. In each moment and season, it is our opportunity and responsibility to show Christ and make him known, but all too often I have allowed opportunities to slip right by because something insignificant was consuming my time. 

Second, I had to set personal boundaries to guard and protect those priorities. Like priorities, personal boundaries are just that—personal. No one but God can truly help you set them, but doing so will be for your good and his glory. The Oxford English Dictionary describes boundaries as “lines that mark the limits of an area, a dividing line.” When it comes to my time, I have learned that I must set dividing lines and limits to keep my heart, soul, and spirit healthy and my life fruitful. Setting boundaries includes learning to say no. As a recovering people-pleaser and yes-girl, saying no has been the hardest part for me. But, as John C. Maxwell said, you must “learn to say ‘no’ to the good so you can say ‘yes’ to the best.

Not too long ago, I found myself once again saying yes to too many good things. Fear of letting others down and, worse yet, fear of what others might think about me if I said no caused me to step out of bounds, which led to bitterness and resentment. God, in his infinite grace, helped me through it all and I actually found joy at the end, but the journey there wasn’t pretty. On another recent occasion, I found myself saying no to a really good thing in order to stay true to my priorities. Great peace washed over me as I said no, but guilt, regret, and envy tried to take over later as I listened to others tell of the time they had.

Saying no is a choice and it is not always easy but God hears and sees.

When the desire of my heart is seeking and honoring him above all else, he rewards me with inner peace and joy that can never be robbed by my negative emotions.

Finally, I had to learn the importance of Sabbath rest. Honoring the Sabbath is the only one of the Ten Commandments we believe is optional. It’s not. God intends for us to set aside time each week to rest and be with him. It’s how he refreshes, renews and sustains us as we pursue all he designed us to accomplish. Sabbath is a gift from God and he expects us to honor it. 

Setting and staying within boundaries takes effort and intentionality. But I have found that when I do, I have more than enough time for all God desires for me to do. The result is a peaceful, joyful, fruitful life that glorifies God!

References:

Cloud, Dr. Henry and Dr. John Townsend. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take control of Your Life. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992.

Morris, Robert. Take the Day Off: Receiving God’s Gift of Rest. New York: FaithWords, 2019.

We would like to thank Melissa Hooks for writing this post!

Boundaries of the Mind and our Self-Talk

Editor’s Note: During the month of March, we will be focusing on setting boundaries in different areas of our lives. It’s our prayer that the posts we share this month will inspire you to set healthy boundaries that will help you live the abundant, blessed life that scripture promises, which glorifies the Lord and points those around us to Jesus. 

Let me set the stage: I teach 5th grade math. Yes, I know some of you just thought to yourselves, “Oh bless your heart,” but I’ve got a story for you that I pray will bless YOUR heart. 

I had just put a problem up on the board when I heard a collective sigh from my entire class and the moaning and groaning started. “This is too hard,” “I don’t get it,” “I’ll never be able to do this.” I stopped them and motioned to a poster in the back of my class that had been there all year but none of them had read. It said, “Don’t decide you can’t before you discover that you can.” One of my little girls looked at me and said, “Ms. Ludecke, why are you always so positive?” That got me thinking, and honestly, I’m positive because I spent so long allowing myself to be negative.

Self-talk is the inner monologue that directs every moment of every day. If we choose not to set up boundaries over our mind and the self-talk that flows through it, we make ourselves powerless against attack. A boundary is a wall that is built to protect our hearts and minds. Most people see boundaries as only being physical, whether that be in a relationship, a job, or with our time. All of these are important; however, if that is your only focus, it’s like putting a Band-Aid over a gushing wound. 

I recently read a quote that said, “Your brain is a supercomputer and your self-talk is the program it will run.”

The Bible says something similar in Philippians 4:6-7:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything with prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Our minds were created to be the thing by which all of our lives happen. If we allow the thoughts that stem from anxiety, depression, and insecurities to rule our lives, we will become the things that we have told ourselves we are. 

I’m reminded of a time not so long ago (lets be real—4 months to be exact) when I was struggling with a bout of depression. I allowed myself to go “there.” You know, the place in your mind where you wake up in a slump and find that you can’t do anything. I felt like I was failing as a woman and I was failing at my walk with Christ. I felt alone. But God never leaves us there. Sister, if that is you today, you are not alone in your fight! I love that God predicts how we are going to react to suffering before we ever do. He says, “Do not be anxious” because He knows this to be our tendency.

He also knows that the cure for anxiousness is our thankfulness and His peace. These two things together is what forms the ultimate weapon in guarding our minds, but let’s not forget: it takes an active stance to guard. 

So many of us just allow our minds to go unchecked. Another verse says it like this:

“We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Ladies, this is a fight. Build up your boundary walls because if you don’t, you are giving the enemy free reign to come and destroy. Even worse, he doesn’t have to do a single thing because your self-talk is doing the work for him. 

When I was younger I told myself lie after lie that I wasn’t talented enough, outgoing enough, or spiritual enough to have life-giving friendships. I even ate in the bathroom all throughout high school because I felt inadequate (don’t worry; I don’t do that anymore). God gives us the key to stopping this spiral of negative self talk. He says in Philippians 4:8 to think about “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, whatever is excellent and worthy of praise.” 

So start by taking one negative thought captive and feed your mind the truth of scripture. You don’t have to tackle all of the negativity at once. Just start with one thought, then move on to the next. As this practice becomes a habit, God will completely change the way you think about yourself and give you peace. 

We would like to thank Savanna Ludecke for writing this post!

Being a Mary in a Martha World

Do you wonder if you’ve ever entertained angels at some point in your life without even knowing it? I bet you have. The Word says in Hebrews 13:2, “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”

I grew up with one older sister and a very hard working single mother. She was gone to work before I woke up and would get home when the sun was down. She worked in the hot and dry heat of Yuma, AZ for a lettuce company. I remember when she would get home, I would take her muddy boots off while she took off what seemed like hundreds of bobby pins that held the bandanas up for covering her face. She would tell us about her day and we would tell her about ours.

My mother was and still is a beautiful example of what a heart of serving and hosting looks like. It’s a heart that says, “I’m so stinking tired from work, but these people are so important to me. I will be tired later and give them my attention and listen to what’s on their minds now.” She showed me that anytime someone comes to your house you offer them anything you have, even if it’s just a glass of water. Let people know that they are important and worth your attention.

Hospitality to me is when someone can feel at home in your presence. It’s us imitating what Jesus did in His life and in His death. His heart was always for others. The best hospitality focuses on the people you have invited—or even the ones you haven’t—who make their way into your home. It’s about making them feel welcomed, comfortable, and valuable. 

Take a look at Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42: 

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’ ‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’”

Mary had chosen to focus on Jesus. Martha maintained focus on the busy preparations, even after the company showed up. Yes, the meal still needed to be cooked and the house was not ready. But we need to change the way we think and start to truly believe that genuine hospitality maintains a focus on the people and not all the other stuff. I looked up the definition of hospitality: friendliness, hospitableness, welcome, warm reception, helpfulness, neighbourliness, warmth, warm-heartedness, kindness, kind-heartedness and so on. 

Sometimes as women, we’re too much like Martha and begin to believe lies: my house is not beautiful enough, I’m not a good enough cook, I have to “people” all day and don’t want to “people” anymore, what if they pull one of my daughter’s bras out of the couch (yeah, it happened). My friends, trust me when I say they are not there for the food or to see if you have been Chip and Joanna Gaines-ing your home. I can guarantee you that if you send an invitation to someone to come to your home, they are going to feel so loved just by the simple thought that you noticed them and are intentional enough to say, “Hey, come over and hang out with me!” Don’t shortchange yourself by believing the lies that keep you from enjoying the wonderful connections God has for you. 

I remember one day at church I heard someone say that Facebook is so misleading because it can make you feel like you’re already connected to people. That opened my eyes so much because yes, you do think you and all those people are tight already simply because you watched the video of their child in the ballet recital that they posted or know that this person changed jobs because they announced it or that they are on a keto diet and you know what they are eating for breakfast, lunch, and dinner because you saw their pictures and even know how many calories that was, so why do I need to hang out with them?

Let’s be intentional, friends. Let me challenge you by saying call someone up today. Yes I said it: CALL. Don’t text them, don’t marco polo them. Call them and say, “Hey, would you like to come over for some frozen Red Baron pizza?” Stuffed crust Digiorno if it’s close to payday :). I guarantee you that they will be so ecstatic that you called and thought of them. And when they do come, don’t be like Martha and tell them what all is wrong with your house. Be like Mary and sit at their feet and listen to them with all attentiveness as if it were Jesus himself. 

We would like to thank Christina Parker for writing this blog!

Sexual Immorality Vs. Sexual Purity

Editor’s Note: This fall we will be doing a 10-part series on Flesh vs. Spirit. We hope these ladies’ testimonies will encourage and inspire you to keep pushing through, to keep battling, to keep believing in God’s truth that says you are an OVERCOMER. Though it sometimes feels like we are losing the battle, we have overwhelming victory though Christ and His blood shed on the cross. Be encouraged today!

In today’s culture, it’s obvious that sexuality is a hot topic. But what is God’s view on purity vs. immorality, and how do we get to the place where we all want to be, with a healthy view of sexuality no matter what stage of life we are in?

Purity is not just a subject that we teach teens about one Wednesday night each semester at church when they become the right age. It starts with building a relationship with your 4, 5, or 6 year-old. No, I am absolutely not saying to discuss the topic of sex with your young children, but I am saying that these are the years that the foundation of a good relationship is built between you and your children. These are the years that you engrain in your kids the truth about who God says they are. These are the years that you teach them how to treat others in a way that is pleasing to the Lord. Your children need to know that they are loved and valued members of your family and that their thoughts and opinions matter. There should never be a doubt in their mind that they belong in your family. It is important for kids to know that they too can be an example of faith and purity (1 Timothy 4:12).

And what about the season of singleness? Being a young, single woman is the perfect time to learn and grow deeper in the Word, allow God to speak to your heart, and seek spiritual mentorship and guidance. Abstaining from sexual immorality is not designed to hurt you by any means; it is designed by God to protect your heart. God is a good God, and when the time comes for you to enter into marriage, everyone will celebrate with you and guide you to a healthy sex life. Do not try to fast forward and miss out on all the good things God has for you in this stage of life. By waiting and keeping yourself pure, you are declaring that you are in agreement with what God has for you and your future and you will wait on his timing (1 Timothy 5:22). When a foundation is built on biblical truths and healthy relationships, it’s much easier to trust that God is designing and forming your mate, even as you wait in singleness.

My married friends, you aren’t off the hook! Hebrews 13:4 states, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” With this in mind, I propose that purity is not something we attain, but something we have to keep moving toward. Even immorality can exist in our marriage when our hearts aren’t right before God. Sexual purity is a pathway that leads to intimacy in the marriage bed.

Intimacy in marriage is not just about the sex; it’s about being known and seen deeply. Intimacy is about deeply connecting emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically with your spouse. However, we need to take a deeper look at why we are being intimate with our husbands. Is is a “to-do” you need to check off your list? Or is it to be known and seen deeply, they way that God sees you?

Right after Kambree (our oldest) was born, I was diagnosed with secondary infertility. Simply put, I could not conceive or carry a child after having a successful pregnancy. Because our desire was to have a large family, Josh and I were heartbroken. This diagnosis led to 4 years of surgeries, infertility treatments, pregnancy losses, heartbreak, feelings of lack, frustration, and the list could go on. Because of this, my healthy intimate life with my husband was immediately turned into a task and the “perfect timing” for the medication to have an optimal effect so we could potentially grow our family like we both desired.

Changing my unhealthy view of sex, and getting back to a healthy place was difficult to say the least. In Matthew, we find that the pure hearted will experience and hear from God (5:8). God does not desire sex to be a task on your list. In fact, He has given sex to a couple to grow and learn together but, most importantly, to be known and seen deeply how the Father sees you.

When a relationship is built in the earlier years, discussing this hard topic with your children in the later years is easier and better received. My prayer for you all is that you would desire a pure heart with Godly intentions no matter what stage you find yourself in. God is the God who sees your heart and your desires. You have permission to speak freely with Him!

We would like to thank Mallory Burgett for writing this post!!!