The Unexpected Expiration Date: Divorce

Editor’s Note: We have asked a few women to share their talks from our last Life Giving Saturday. If you weren’t able to attend, this is a perfect opportunity to hear these women’s hearts. We know they will encourage you!

Every story is different. He cheated, she cheated, finances, loneliness, abandonment, alcohol, drugs, mental and physical abuse, etcBut such stories end with an unintentional expiration date leaving many women not knowing where to turn.

We had just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary when a series of events began to unravel that revealed betrayal, defrauding, and sexual immorality. At one point, there were hopes of reconciliation, but a turn of events left our family shattered, in shock, and broken. 

No one gives us a book on how to be divorced when we first get married, yet community and family love to tell us how we should act or how we should “handle” our situation.  NOTHING can prepare a woman of faith for the demise of wearing The Scarlet Letter: D among your believer friends and family. 

I did not know how to be single.  It was so difficult to hang out with a singles Sunday School class.  Even being divorced, I did not feel single.  I DID NOT KNOW HOW TO BE DIVORCED. 

What I discovered after being raised in a church community is the church community is “family-centered”.  The divorced single is not always the most welcome in a “family community”.  The adjustment is not easy. I hated being alone. 

What I did discover through the guilt, the anger, the bitterness, and the daily emotional roller coaster was that I learned to embrace something new I had not known. And that was SILENCE.  And in that silence with God and his ultimate stillness, I just learned to listen and let God be God. There were no dramatic downpours of spiritual renewals, but stillness and peace became my comfort and solace at night when coming home from work that finally granted me SLEEP I had not experienced in a long time. 

“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10

When I learned to BE STILL and LISTEN, I learned to embrace SILENCE and hear God’s words and voice for my life. I became a better person and a better mom to my college age girls. I asked God to use what I had gone through to help others find their way through this path of divorce, so they would not feel so alone as believers. 

No matter your story Women of Faith, JESUS PRAYS FOR YOU when you don’t know what to say or where to turn. 

Even as a believer, when you don’t know what or how to pray, Christ intercedes and prays for us. His grace is bigger than our insufficiencies.

“I have prayed for you” Luke 22:32

“Jesus prays for you as well” John 17:11, 20

There must be a recovery and restoration of YOU. RAISE the BAR for yourself and expectations of relationships.  

“You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you” Isaiah 43:4

Don’t settle for less than God’s best for YOU.  There is life after divorce.  There is HOPE.  

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope” Jeremiah 29:11

No matter how difficult the situation, FORGIVENESS must take place in your heart.  The need to SALVAGE (not required to go back into a relationship, but gain insight and understanding) a relationship when there can be no RESTORATION to the relationship…Pastor Brad, Sept. 2018

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for those who love God….” Romans 8:28

I finally realized that I was OKAY being alone and understood the basis of truly relying on Christ instead of another human being for my happiness.  When I came to that place after being single for 5 years (went back to school for Ph.D.) following 25 years of marriage, the Lord allowed me to meet Chris Buford.

And a new chapter in my life began……  

We would like to thank Debra Flournoy-Buford for writing this blog!

The Blood of Jesus

School’s started back, which means we’ve gotten back into a routine. I actually make sure my kids bathe more than once a week.

Along with routines of personal hygiene come some other great routines. A spiritual hygiene routine, if you will. One of my favorites is declarative prayer over my family. Recently a friend from church encouraged me to plead the blood of Jesus over my kids.

What does that even mean?
“Pleading the blood” is a biblical reference to placing someone or something under the protection of the Lord. In the Old Testament, God told Moses to apply the blood of an unblemished lamb on the doorposts of their dwellings so the Angel of Death would see that a sacrifice had already been made, therefore he could “pass over” that home. Everyone in that home was protected from death (separation from life). In the New Testament, Jesus is our sacrificial Lamb because He was without blemish and shed His blood for us on the cross.

His blood is powerful. Here are a few of the priceless things Jesus gave us through His blood.

The blood of Jesus:
Purchased us (Acts 20:28)

Because He purchased us with His blood, He takes responsibility for us. The enemy has no legal claim on me or my kids. Whoever is under His blood is under His protection. Doesn’t that sound like a great position to place your children in?
Made peace between us and God (Col. 1:20)

Between God and me, things are good. I’m not an utter disappoint to Him. And neither are our kids.
Redeemed us and forgave our sin (Eph. 1:7)

His blood didn’t just sweep my sin under the carpet. His blood made eternal payment for sin I’ve committed or will commit. This is very good. Especially when I think about my behavior during some of those Get-The-Kids-to-School-Morning-Routine.
Cleanses our consciences from acts that lead to death (Heb. 9:14)

We’ve all done things that create gaps of separation between those we love most. Jesus’ blood cleanses our consciences and give us courage to mend those gaps, ask people for forgiveness, and do better next time.
Purifies us from all sin (1 John 1:7)

Pure. I love that word. Not only does Jesus’ blood cleanse us, but He makes a way to purify our heart to the deepest depths and makes good come from it. Illustration: not only does He cleanse the polluted river, He goes back to the source up in the mountains and purifies it to where what issues forth from the rock is good.
Gives us confidence to approach God (Heb. 10:19)

I don’t have to clean my act up before I go to God to spend time with Him or ask Him for help. Our kids need to know this too.

There are gobs more verses about the value of Jesus’ blood. It makes God happy when we take Him at His word. Pick up your sword and get busy declaring God’s truth over your loved ones.

We would like to thank Jodi LaFrance for writing this blog post.

7 Must-Wins: Forgiveness

7 must winsWe are continuing our fall blog series, “7 Must-Wins.” With a uniquely personal twist toward us as women, we will address seven topics that must be understood and walked out in order for us to have success in this life. If you missed Part 1 of this series, click here.

“I Forgive….”

That may be one of the hardest things to say some days, much less do. Many times it’s so hard to even say that one simple word out loud. I am currently reading the book Lead Like Jesus. The author states that the opposite of forgiveness is judgment. I think I must have re-read that statement 10 times…the opposite of forgiveness is JUDGMENT??!!! Makes sense if you think about it. Forgiveness is very difficult for most of us, but judgment, well that comes pretty naturally….When we feel wronged by another, whether intentional or not, it is so much easier to judge them, isn’t it? We do it in a moment; it’s sadly often my first response.

In that moment it feels good, it feels necessary, it feels justified. Someone pushes my ‘bad mom’ button, my ‘bad friend’ button, my ‘bad wife’ button…well, BOOM, you’re getting judged by me, in my head, all by myself! How do you like them apples?? Well, the problem with those apples, is that they are all ours. Ours to carry, ours to hold, and eventually as all apples do, they rot. We are left with that feeling…rotten apples.

I was reading a verse the other day that I have probably read a hundred times, but for some reason on this particular day, it popped out at me in a way it never has before.

Luke 23:34, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Jesus said those words while hanging from a cross, after being beaten brutally beyond recognition by the very men he was now forgiving. He had been mocked, spat on, ridiculed. He said these words literally feeling the weight of all of humanity’s sin upon him. I can’t even imagine the pain He felt, the agony, the anguish. He knew what he was there to do. He knew why his Father had sent him. He knew his fate was to die so that we might live. He knew He was there to provide a way to forgiveness. He knew those men would have been forgiven, yet He chose to voice His forgiveness anyway. He chose to say those words out loud, not only for them to hear, but for any to hear.

Three incredibly powerful words…”Father, forgive them.”

I have never been beaten, I have never been publically mocked, I have never even been spat on (well, not intentionally anyway). I never have, and never will be, hung from a cross. I have felt embarrassed, I have felt less than, I have felt shame, I have felt unloved, I have felt forgotten, I have felt pain. But, to choose forgiveness, is to choose HIM!! It’s a choice. No one promised it would be easy or happen in a moment. And even to choose forgiveness doesn’t guarantee restoration in a relationship, but it does guarantee restoration in your heart.

So, when the choice is hard, and it seems impossible, I will remember those three words that changed my life forever.

”Father, forgive them.”

This post was written by Kristen Wright. 

**For Part 3 of this series, click here.