Editors note: During the month of April, we are focusing on “My Words Have Power”. Proverbs 18:21 says that “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Our words can speak life or death into those around us. Which will you choose?
As I began writing this blog post, I fully intended on sharing moments when my children reminded me of how awesome I was at teaching them to be kind… but I only wanted to do that out of pride. So, here’s my blooper reel.
I remember the first time I picked Barrett up from school with a poor report about how he was speaking to others. His teacher informed me that he had called someone an idiot. I instantly felt my cheeks get hot out of embarrassment. Not even seconds later, I started going through the different sources that he could have heard that word from. Surely, it wasn’t learned at home!
Mind you, he had just loaded up in the car with me as I picked him up from school. We were headed through an intersection when someone pulled out in front of me. Out from my mouth, in a rather elevated tone, I said, “My gosh, idiot” as I slammed on my brakes. If you’re wondering whether that humble pie tasted just as terrible as the first helping that I ate moments earlier, the answer is yes.
I often think about the importance of teachable moments in our home, but I’m better at noticing them when it stems from my children’s behavior. This one was clearly a heart issue that I was ingraining into my children and didn’t even realize it until HE was called out for speaking that way at school. That was a tough moment of truth for me.
I knew, before I ever had my own children, that I would have a major responsibility on my hands to raise them up to speak kindness and be respectful to the people they would encounter. Little did I know, I would fall hard on my face once I was actually in the motherhood role.
Now, I can usually find my way out of being wrong if I try hard enough. Can’t we all? I think God had to make this blatantly obvious that I couldn’t blame Toy Story 2 for teaching my child to say the word idiot in the right context, although, we don’t watch that anymore either. I did that. I taught him how to act out in anger and spread hate toward someone who couldn’t even hear me, thank goodness, in traffic.
Here is something that I learned through the situation. I have a responsibility in my home… and my car to teach my boys, who will grow up to be men, that we can spread life in situations where our human flesh prefers death. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of yours mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Little people are all ears and we, as their parents, have the opportunity to expose them to the world through the lens of Christ rather than the lens of a stressed out mom who forgot to check in with Jesus before speaking death over the “idiot” who pulled out in front of her.
The Bible puts it very clearly in Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”
I had a responsibility to use my words wisely LONG before he could repeat what I spoke. I could have ignored the fact that I was the one who planted that seed in my 2 year old’s heart, or I could admit that my tongue is a powerful tool that God intends for us to use to spread life in ALL circumstances, not just the ones that loving is easy. It’s easy to correct your children when they forget to use their manners. It is much more difficult to turn around and realize that maybe they aren’t using their manners because we aren’t teaching them from the way that we speak. Or maybe I’m alone in this. Either way, the driver wasn’t the problem. How I responded to them was, and I can use those everyday mishaps as an opportunity to teach my children how to extend grace or I can use them to demonstrate what it looks like to spread ignorant toxicity. That’s my choice that leads to teaching them how to make their choice later on. Deep breath. We can do this. We can participate in raising up a generation who spreads life. Proverbs 15:1 says, “ A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”.
Let’s be in the business of turning wrath away, starting in our own home!
We would like to thank Bonnie Kate Olson for writing this post.