Faith, Family, Scripture

The True Caregiver

by hcfwomenLeave a Comment on The True Caregiver

I’ve always been a person to take on responsibility for things, even when they weren’t mine to carry.  In fact, I was so bad that when things went wrong I would take the blame and then murmur and complain to the Lord!  The reason I say that is because it carried on into my family after I got married.  This festered in my life for years.

Then, in 1990, at 39 years of age, I found out I was pregnant.  When Sarah was born we soon found out that she had physical obstacles.  Who do you blame?  Well, of course, you blame yourself.  That’s when I began the “blame game.” It’s all my fault, I was too old, blah, blah, blah!  In that place, I forgot to seek the Lord.  I forgot to listen to Him.  On the outside I looked like the godly wife and mother who cared for her family, but in reality I was caring only for myself.  Everything I did, I did for recognition or praise.  It was all centered on me.

In that place, though, I cried out to the Lord and He heard me!  In that place, I truly began to see that I wasn’t alone; the Lord had not forsaken me.  He was there all the time, shining His precious light on areas that I had taken over.

When I realized that I wasn’t in control and began getting my directions for the day from the Lord, my life radically changed.  1 Peter 5:7:

…casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.  Be of sober spirit, be on the alert.  Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.  But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world.  After you have suffered for a little while the God of all grace…will Himself, perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

It doesn’t matter if you are a caregiver for a husband, child or parent, you must be in Him.  Everything you do must be as unto Him! When I truly received this truth, my life and family was totally restored. Now I can’t imagine my life without my daughter.  She has brought so much joy to our lives.

Have I had opportunities to choose my way or God’s way? You bet! I have learned, though, when I go my way it brings exhaustion, frustration, and confusion.  Not a good place to be!  I then take a deep breath and I think on Jesus.  Philippians 4:6 tells me to be anxious for nothing. And in verse 8 –

Whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute…if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Jesus is the true caregiver!

This post was written by Beverly Sharp. 

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Parenting

Raising Warriors

by hcfwomen1 Comment on Raising Warriors

The ranch. It’s a place I have always been able to find the desires and longings of my soul. Over the years that I have known my husband and been taking trips to the ranch, every trip helps me to see the beauty, romance, and adventure that my soul craves.

That is, until I became a mother.

Then it started to become a hassle. An undertaking if you will. All the gear, all the stuff to take “just in case,” all the fear. I will be three hours from anything if something happens. Taking kids to the ranch just isn’t the same as taking only myself.

And so, the ranch began to lose its magic, just as I think we let motherhood lose its magic. We let motherhood lose its power. We as mothers have such an intrinsic need to care for our children, to meet their needs, that we forget what a precious gift we have been given. We forget the power and the purpose with which our feet have been set on this path.

God didn’t make us mothers so that we could aim to keep our house clean, make the perfect meal seven nights a week (in addition to cute breakfasts and perfectly packed lunches), and present perfectly behaved miniature adults to the world on a daily basis. God didn’t give us children so that we could create picturesque monthly photos of our babies for social media, and make Pinterest-worthy projects and nurseries. None of these are bad things, it’s just that we are called to so much more.

God gave us our children to foster the next generation of hearts for His kingdom. He gives us our children so that we can teach them to love, to live from their hearts, and to learn to trust in Him. God gives us our children—entrusts them to us—so that the next generation of warriors are raised with the Word of God implanted into their hearts and a fresh fire and passion for Christ on their lips.

This last trip to the ranch showed me that in the craziness of life, I have missed it. I have been given the opportunity to live a wild adventure every day. And not to go alone, but to take my children with me. I have been given the chance to show my kids beauty all around us, every day. I’ve been given the gift of teaching my kids the greatest romance of all time—the romancing of their souls by Christ our Savior.

Motherhood is not just a list of tasks to be performed every day, or a checklist of thing to do in order to be a good mom. It’s an invitation to participate in the greatest, most rewarding adventure of all time: the adventure of training warriors for the kingdom of God. Motherhood is a chance to change the world beyond ourselves, to have a lasting impact on the world we will someday leave behind.

I sure don’t want to miss this opportunity because I was too busy looking at the pile of laundry at my feet. Do you?

This post was written by Brooke Kellum. To read more about her, click here. 

Hospitality

Your Home, Your People

by hcfwomenLeave a Comment on Your Home, Your People

I love beauty. I love that God is the ultimate creator and source of beauty. And I love the fact that because we are made in His image, we are, by nature, also creators of beauty.

I also love all things “home.” It’s my very favorite place to be. I could spend hours just looking through picture-perfect homes in magazines. But what the magazines don’t share is that God has given each of us an incredible opportunity to express his rich beauty, love, and hospitality through our homes in a way that’s completely unique to how he has created us and the home that he has given us to share.

In the last 6 years, my husband and I have lived in a tiny university-owned apartment, a sweet, small rent house, and our very own home. Through each of our homes, I’ve gathered some practical ideas for creating a beautiful and welcoming environment (that probably won’t be featured in the next home and garden magazine article).

Decorate with what you like. Instead of trying to fit everything into one particular style, choose pieces that you love and that fit your lifestyle. You might find that, like me, you’re somewhat eclectic. Your home doesn’t have to fit into a box, so don’t try to force it. Our homes should be an expression of who we are and our love for the people in our sphere.

Embrace the process of making a home. Unless you have a huge budget (and probably not even then), a home that fits you and your family doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process—a living, breathing, expression that is built over time. When I try to make everything look designer-put-together and finished all at once, I always end up not completely loving it. Let your home breathe a little. Let it become, over time, a place of retreat for anyone who enters your door.

Display your fondest memories. These probably won’t ever be magazine-worthy. They’re amateur pictures from your favorite vacation. Pictures your babies drew for you as a way to show they love you. Papers and sticky notes filled with scripture that some of your sweetest friends posted all over your house while you were gone for weeks in the hospital with your husband. These things make a home.

Prepare your home for guests. Pick up around the house. Put on some worship music. Brew a pot of coffee. Light a candle. Pray for the people that you will be welcoming into your home. Invite the Holy Spirit to minister to them in your house.

Focus on people. It’s easy to get caught up in whether the house looks perfect enough, or whether everything is done before guests arrive. But your people are much more important than any unfinished task. Don’t feel pressure to point out or apologize for every little thing that you think is wrong or unfinished about your home. They won’t care. They probably won’t even notice. Pay attention to the people in your house more than the tasks or things. It’s such a sweet opportunity to love on them that you don’t want to miss.

Like the author Myquillyn Smith shares in one of my very favorite books, The Nesting Place,

It doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful.

This post was written by Catherine Dunn. To read more about her, click here. 

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Parenting

Mom Guilt…

by hcfwomen1 Comment on Mom Guilt…

Teething. Sickness. Growing pains. Sleep regression. TWONAGERS…. (I wish I could use the big-eyed emoji right about now) You guys know what I’m talking about!

You’ve had a long day of trying to keep your patience, your child chose not to eat anything at dinner; it’s time for bed and he says, “I’m hungry.” UGHHHH!!!! You get him something to eat, then something to drink, then re-brush his teeth, finally get him to bed, and sit down with a big sigh…FINALLY I can rest!!

Hop on some sort of social media, and the first thing you see is some motherhood quote about being patient because they grow up so fast (or something like that). And BAM, mom guilt strikes again! The devil creeps in through that one post and whispers in your ear, you weren’t good enough today.

Y’all, this is 100% true! Since becoming a mom I have figured out that if I’m not proactive when those words are whispered in my ear, then they don’t stop. If I don’t speak life into myself, I can’t speak life into others, including my child! The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy and the first thing he is after is your happiness.

Before I was aware of what was going on, I would spiral into this negative way of thinking, and attack my every move. “Not good enough” became: not patient enough, not healthy enough, not loving enough, not enough…but is that what our Father in Heaven says about us? NO WAY!!! He says,

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:9

He made you the perfect mom for your children. Your kids don’t need Daniel Tiger’s mom—they need you!!

They need the mom who is able to speak life into them, because she speaks life over herself. The mom who spends time with the Lord because she makes the time to do it. The mom who is confident in who she is, because you are His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10).

So next time the devil whispers in your ear, remember that you are enough, and tell him to shut it!

This post was written by Dana Kimmell. To read more about her, click here. 

Honor, Marriage

Dearly Beloved, We are Gathered Here to Witness…

by hcfwomenLeave a Comment on Dearly Beloved, We are Gathered Here to Witness…

I am an old married lady. Well…not really old, just old married. A conference I attended a few years ago brought to my awareness the rarity of my marriage’s condition. Apparently, being first-time married 20-plus years and my husband and I both having parents with 45-year first marriages put us in a minority of around 10% of the nation’s population.

I remember celebrating our fifteenth wedding anniversary at a nice restaurant in Albuquerque. Our waitress inquired how long we’d been married, and when we told her fifteen years, she looked surprised and said, “Wow, that’s a really long time!”

Our culture is becoming increasingly unfamiliar with marital commitment.  I believe we have a unique opportunity to communicate a kingdom message to those around us by building marriages that endure.

If you are like me, I imagine you are not thinking your marriage is your primary evangelistic tool. And, if you are like me, you might even cringe at the thought of how you’ve “witnessed” to others in the past (Thank you, Husband’s 1990’s Wardrobe, for being an all-too-easy prey of wifely jokes). But let me encourage you with the words Jesus spoke to his (very imperfect) disciples in John 17: 20-23:

I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message.  I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one… And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me… May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.

If we think about the context of this passage, very few of us would tie it to marriage. Most of us relate it (and rightly so) to the universal body of believers. It is about being unified, and not fighting over nonsense like church building carpet colors.

But stretch your minds for a moment with me:  the context of marriage is definitely “becoming one” and living in unity. Therefore, we have a position to communicate a message through our marriages.

As an old married person but with limited space here, I’d like to offer one pointer for marital harmony and improving our kingdom witness: Speak kindly ABOUT your spouse TO others.

Years ago, before Lyle and I married, we decided there are enough people in the world who tear others down, so we needed to build each other up, especially when we’re in conversation with acquaintances. We all know how easy it is to unload on a friend about your husband’s pile of dirty socks, but do we realize the detriment that can do to our kingdom impact?

In Titus 2:5 (Amplified Version), Paul asks wives to honor their husbands so that the Word of God would not be dishonored.

People of the world often only see the Word through how we handle life. If we, as wives, speak praise of our husbands, we will honor our men, and thus help create an enduring marriage.

Who will be witnesses of our message?

This post was written by Shelli Jarvis. To read more about her, click here. 

Parenting

Inviting God’s Kingdom into Our Parenting

by hcfwomen1 Comment on Inviting God’s Kingdom into Our Parenting

So, let’s face it, there are days when I’m not functioning at my best. Especially at being a momma. This whole parenting gig has been such a challenge…nonstop…every day…all day.

Being a first-time mom, challenges are at every corner—at least that’s what it seems like! And from what I have heard, every age has its challenges. So learning how to raise children seriously takes a village. When I seem to grasp how to handle a situation with my daughter (with wisdom from INCREDIBLE women), new sets of challenges pop up within…

a few hours.

At times, I get distracted by this myriad of challenges, feeling as though I’m putting out fires all day, and making little to no progress. It can lead me to believe that I’m defeated, the time and effort I put in is useless, and that these challenges are still popping up because I’m not doing a good enough job.

If I do a good enough job, I won’t have to do it again. Right?  Not necessarily.

I once worked in an office as a receptionist. One of my responsibilities was to take out the trash and clean the dirty dishes. At one point, I became frustrated with this responsibility. It didn’t matter how many times I cleaned the dishes or took out the trash, I had to do it again. Even if I had done an excellent job the day before—I had to do it again. The job was never done.

One moment when I was washing the dishes, God spoke so plainly: “You do your job, not so that you won’t have to do it again. You do it because it needs to be done. See this as an opportunity to fulfill your outlined responsibilities with excellence on a daily basis.”

The same holds true with raising our daughter. Every challenge that arises, I have a choice to make. I can either see it as a sign of defeat—that what I had sown into her previously was a failure—or I can choose to see it as an opportunity to fulfill my responsibilities of sowing into our daughter’s heart.

Parenting is all about inviting God and his truth to rule and reign in your heart and the heart of your child. It is a never-ending process. We are to be consistent in meeting challenges in light of God and his ways. I don’t discipline my daughter and sow into her heart to complete a one-time task. I do it because it needs to be done in that moment and every moment thereafter.

Some days, I wish sowing into our children with discipline was a one-and-done system, but that’s an unrealistic expectation that only leads to frustration. I choose to believe that every challenge is an opportunity for our family to encounter God and his power through discipline, forgiveness and healing.

So I ask, how are you choosing to meet your challenges today?

This post was written by Abbie Kellum. To read more about her, click here. 

Marriage

Seeking Wise Counsel

by hcfwomenLeave a Comment on Seeking Wise Counsel

Proverbs 12:15 says,

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise.

The Message Version of Proverbs 19:20-21 says,

Take good counsel and accept correction—that’s the way to live wisely and well.

Don’t we all want to be wise? Don’t we want to live well?

Listening to advice—namely, seeking wise counsel—is hard, but I’ve found that it’s essential in all areas of our life, especially in our marriages.

Howell and I were having dinner with three other couples a few months ago, all of whom had been married anywhere from ten to twenty years longer than we have. Somehow the topic of counseling came up, and every single one of us shared how counseling had positively impacted our marriages at one point or another.

I’ve been thinking about that since then. Some people might have a certain fear about counseling, especially marriage counseling. Maybe it feels like failure—and they want to keep holding on to the secret that their marriage is falling apart. Maybe it feels too personal—and they don’t want someone all up in their business.

Can I tell you the truth, dear friend?

It’s neither shameful nor scary.

Bringing your “stuff” into the light brings freedom and healing—and wise counsel becomes a balm to those broken places.

There’s something about an outside perspective that helps you see things in your marriage, in yourself, or in your spouse that you couldn’t have seen otherwise. And wise counselors have good tools to help us better understand each other.

Howell and I went through some intense counseling early on, and I genuinely believe it set us up for a solid foundation. We learned so much about ourselves—as much as we learned about each other.

In those first few years of marriage, when we would argue, I would want to leave—the room, the house. Always, I wanted an escape. And Howell would say, “But Mary Ann said we should…”

And for whatever reason, that worked. (FYI: Mary Ann was our counselor. :)) It’s not that she had a certain power over us, but when he said that, it would remind me of my behavior: what the root of it came from, what it meant to me, what it communicated to Howell. And I would remember: I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want to be the person who leaves in an argument, who can’t settle a disagreement, who can’t listen to wisdom.

And so I would stay, and I would talk, and I would listen.

We have the power within us to choose how we behave. I suppose the second step of counseling is application, right?

Wise counsel comes in many forms—not only the professional kind (though it is a worthy investment!). You can also surround yourself with wise counsel—your parents, your mentors, your friends. Always, the Bible instructs us and gives us tools for how to live.

Even now, Howell and I seek wise counsel when we make big decisions, especially financial ones. We have people in our lives who speak truth to us, and we heed their advice.

If you’re struggling today—especially if your marriage feels like it’s failing, I encourage you to seek wise counsel and heed good advice. May it bring healing and freedom and restoration to your relationship.

This post was written by Laura Brandenburg. To read more about her, click here. 

*Note: If you and your spouse need to see a trusted marriage counselor, please contact the church office for a list of referrals. 

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Family, Fruitfulness, Kindness, Love

Honestly

by hcfwomenLeave a Comment on Honestly

Honestly, I never thought myself as much of a caregiver. Yes, I loved my ministry as a mom and wife, but that was in my wheelhouse. I was MADE for it!

Yet, God chose to stretch me.

In 2001, an elderly couple asked me and my husband to be their medical guardians. Their only child had been killed in 1997 at the age of 40. So, they chose us and we chose them. From that moment on, we were their ‘Smith kids.’

We sailed along for several years…no major hiccups. Even in their mid-70s, they were able to take care of themselves. I stayed in the wings, taking them to appointments, knowing their medical issues but leaving it up to them.

Then, in 2009, Mrs. Roberson was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. The stretching I spoke of earlier, this is where it starts. The decision was made to fight it.  Since I’m a cancer survivor (that actually came in handy!), I knew the lingo and the cancer community in Lubbock. The race was on. Chemo, radiation, surgeries, colostomy, and the devastating side effects of all that. They looked to me for strength, guidance, and hands-on care.

Mr. Roberson wasn’t in good physical condition, so I learned quickly to love even though my flesh was saying ‘no’ when treating the chemo side effects and changing a colostomy bag. I learned to fight for her because, frankly, the elderly are often ignored. When I thought I had reached my limit I would rely on Psalm 71:9:

Do not cast me away when I’m old;  do not forsake me when my strength is gone.

Mrs. Roberson died in 2012. I had promised her she wouldn’t die alone, and that I would take care of Mr. Roberson. I kept those promises. I learned so much from her graciousness and strength in the battle. 

Mr. Roberson never left the nursing home after her death. Battling years of obesity, a bad heart, old and worn out joints that left him in agony, a slight addiction to pain meds, and many other issues…it often proved too much. Hard decisions legally fell to me and my husband. Decisions that were made somewhat easier by the promises we had made to Mr. Roberson: he wouldn’t die hurting, he wouldn’t die alone, and we would take care of him and fight for him.

He died this last November.

I’m so happy to have allowed myself to care for them. We were related by choice, not blood. After we had chosen each other as family, I came across this scripture in my prayers:

If anyone doesn’t provide for their family, he has denied his faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

1 Timothy 5:8

I was created in part to take care of those two old people.  I see now that by allowing God to use me in ways that were so uncomfortable, He taught me humility and compassion. He taught me to get over myself and my hang-ups and discomfort with sickness and disease and death. The lesson is to love with unflinching compassion.

This post was written by Deborah Smith. To read more about her, click here. 

Boundaries, Parenting, Prayer

Peace in Parenting

by hcfwomenLeave a Comment on Peace in Parenting

I’ve been doing this mommy-thing for a little over eight years now, and I’m getting a few things figured out.

  1. God really is who He says He is.

Every family is different. I’ve decided I can compare notes with other moms if I want to get a little inspiration here and there, but nothing will bring the peace I crave like spending real time in prayer. The Lord wants to Father me in my parenting. In all things, really. But most of my life I have depended on my human understanding to plow through challenges that might arise. This is a mistake. I can only plow for so long before I run out of resources.

  1. Praying with my husband really works.

I know this is a no-brainer. We all know this, but I’m not sure many of us are practicing this on a regular basis (and I don’t mean regularly once a year!). I can’t tell you how many times I have felt frantic in my heart about a parenting issue. When I carry inner angst, I start to behave like a scary momma. Like monster-under-the-bed momma. I have no idea why I don’t think that it would be an excellent idea to tell my soulmate and have him pray with me. Without fail, anytime I’ve asked my husband for help he’s shared the load and stood in the gap for me. Just knowing that my husband is my teammate means the world to me. I am not alone and we can tackle anything together. Why, WHY would I not make prayer a priority with my husband when we get such amazing results?

  1. My kids need structure and healthy boundaries.

If I’m going to help my kids learn healthy boundaries, then I must learn what my healthy boundaries are, too. I recently started seeing a counselor to help me work through some of my own issues, and it has been one of the most positive experiences of my life. I see myself differently, and I feel more empowered to lead my children than ever before. I’m learning what makes my kids tick, and that means we can cooperate better. I am in authority because I am under my husband’s authority. My children understand how that looks in our home. When they push the boundaries, they know that we’ll enforce them. Because we’ve laid this groundwork, we have a spiritual peace in our home even when we’re loud, creative and adventurous.

I’m grateful for all the Lord has taught me throughout the years and I’m excited for all that’s yet to come. If you’re looking for a breakthrough in your parenting, may I suggest getting involved in a Life Group and getting prayer as a first step?

I’m curious, what was your “aha moment” that brought peace to your parenting?

This post was written by Jodi LaFrance. To read more about her, click here. 

Faith, God's Presence, Marriage, Parenting

The Birth of Peace

by hcfwomenLeave a Comment on The Birth of Peace

Five years ago, after three years of trying, we became pregnant with our sweet miracle Jude. From the very beginning we had complications with the pregnancy. I was always in a constant state of fear. We waited so long for this baby and our hearts ached for him.

At 34 weeks, my placenta ruptured. I found myself in the middle of the floor, and Bret called 911.  I started to replay my night. Did I feel him move last night? Fear crept in. I started to doubt, thinking, Did we make it all this way, and we are going to lose this baby?

The ambulance arrived within minutes. I was put under anesthesia and rushed for an emergency C-section. When I woke up I had an empty belly and a 6″ incision. As I waited to see Jude, anxiety and fear overwhelmed me, crippling me into multiple anxiety attacks. That anxiety and fear basically became a part of me and ruled the next year.  I would be so distraught with Bret leaving the house or simple day-to-day tasks. It took many months of constantly calling that fear out before I felt “normal” again. There was no way I was going to have another baby. Why would I knowingly put myself or my family through all of those emotions of another pregnancy?

Fast forward to almost a year ago. I said that the only way I was going to get pregnant was if we had a “Mary” kind of moment, where she wasn’t planning on having a baby but God had better plans. There was still so much fear that surrounded being pregnant, anxiousness for whether we would have the same pregnancy with bed rest, or if we would have an early baby, or an awful post-partum that included emotional and physical stress in our marriage.

At the beginning of January, I was in such denial that I could be pregnant that it took a friend coming over with a test and a Starbucks to actually confirm I was pregnant. I took the test(s) and…  No fear, no stress, no anxiety. Peace. God gave me this immediate and overwhelming peace over the pregnancy.

At 32 weeks Bret and I hit our knees in prayer about home birth. In my mind, I thought I was crazy for even pondering the idea of giving birth at home, but it was around this time I had a dream. The dream took place in our home with worship music in the background, and during each contraction I was on my knees with my hands lifted high, giving glory to God. It was after that dream that each time I thought of having Scarlett at home, I thought of that God-given word… peace.

The night that Scarlett came the lights were dimmed. Worship music was blaring in the background. As each contraction passed Bret would pray and proclaim over the labor, me, and Scarlett. We sang worship songs through contractions, words like “It’s your breath in our lungs.”

Not an ounce of fear ever swept in. That spirit of fear was replaced with boldness and peace. Scarlett made such a fast appearance it was unreal. This baby girl took her first breath in the most peaceful, spirit-filled way I could have imagined. The Holy Spirit was undeniably there. He transformed a birth that was surrounded by fear and anxiousness into a birth of peace and boldness.

I pray that by sharing our story, it can bring someone hope during the trials. God is eagerly ready to release us from whatever it is, fear, anxiety, or shame.  He hears our prayers and truly wants to give us our heart’s desire by giving us power through His Holy Spirit.

Isaiah 41:10 –

So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Romans 15:13 –

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

This post was written by Kendra Huey. To read more about her, click here. 

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