hcfwomen

Grief and the New Normal

October 16, 2017September 18, 2017by hcfwomen1 Comment

You’ve lost a parent. The funeral services are over and family and friends have returned to their lives and normal activities, and you realize that the normal you once knew no longer exists. You are faced with a new normal, one you didn’t want and didn’t ask for. There are no more Tuesday doctor appointments or Friday lunch dates. You pick up the phone to call your loved one to only realize that no one is there to answer. A hollow emptiness follows and you feel that you are all alone.

Everyone has moved on and seems to wonder why you haven’t, too. They don’t realize their normal still exists so they have the same platform to operate from, where your normal is gone and your very foundation has been shaken. The solid footing you have known your whole life has crumbled and changed.

You have stepped into a new reality with a new foundation of normal. It is similar to the end of other phases in your life. You graduate high school and can never go back to childhood. You get married and no longer identify with the single crowd. You have children and life is forever changed. A big difference between these situations and the one you are facing now is that you looked forward to those changes. You were happy about them, dreamed about them, planned for them. You shared your joy and excitement with your family and friends. But this is something different. The joy and excitement is missing, and you don’t jump in with both feet ready to get this new life started. You stand on the edge of your new normal looking back at what you no longer have, remembering, wanting.

You feel lost and alone. Your emotions are all over the place, and sometimes you question your sanity. “Is this normal? Do other people feel this way?”

You are not alone. It is like an elite club whose membership requirement is to have experienced the loss of a parent and faced the transition into a new normal. We see you and feel your hurt. Even if we know nothing else about you except that you have lost your parent, we feel a bond with you. It is like a secret handshake in the brotherhood. We identify with you.

You may not hear us or see us, but we are thinking of you and praying for you. We think of you in the days and weeks following the services, when all of your family and friends have gone home. We think of you each time we think of our lost loved ones: on holidays; in the grocery store seeing the cherries that Daddy always bought; sitting and watching the grandkids and remembering the patience Mother had, sitting for hours watching us; seeing you praise and worship in church, and knowing that the Lord is meeting you in a special way and touching you deep in your spirit.

I just wanted you to know. You are not alone.

This post was written by Darla Carthel. To read more about her, click here.

Holidays, Singleness

Experiencing God’s Love During Singleness

October 9, 2017September 18, 2017by hcfwomen3 Comments

Have you ever paused, reflected on your life and thought “How did I end up here? This is not where I thought I would be.” This is the very place I found myself last November, right before the holidays. It was a rough season to get through, but I also look back at that time with such joy and thankfulness. I was in the beginning stages of learning how to become more intimate with my Lord and Savior.

At the beginning of this journey, Satan often reminded me of my track record. I’d had glorious moments with God since I became a Christian at the age of 13, but I had never been consistent. But. God had begun a work in me, and I final started having the faith that He would and could complete it (Philippians 1:6). I begged God to show me how to have consistency and intimacy with Him. He didn’t give me answers overnight, but He has taken me on a beautiful adventure that has required time, trust, and willingness. I want to share with you a few things that I’ve learned so far on this road to being content in my singleness.

God’s love is unfailing, and unconditional. One night, my youngest son was sick, and I was getting some serious baby snuggles as a result. The weight of how much I love him swept over me. I touched his soft baby skin and held his tiny finger in adoration when my eyes were opened wide to the love the Father feels for the Son. I am one of His adopted daughters (Galatians 3:26) and He loves me with that love I feel for my children, multiplied by an amount unfathomable.

For the longest time, the way I thought about God’s love was twisted and conditional. Over time, by meditating on the truth, I have come to realize that I am valuable to Him (Psalm 139:14; Matthew 10:31) and that His love and grace really can transform me into who He created me to be (2 Corinthians 5:17; Galatians 5:16; 2 Corinthians 3:18). If you are reading this and doubt in the least bit the love God has for you, ask Him to show you. He will.

I gain more of God by letting go. Tragically, sin has been blocking intimacy with God since the very first sin recorded in Genesis. Praise God that 1 John 1:9 states:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Letting go of my past and accepting His forgiveness was a process, but I’m finally starting to see myself the way He sees me, and it’s so freeing! I am free to be close to Him and have joy.

Spending time with God is the best way to want more of Him and purify our desires in other areas. Prayer journaling was a great start for me, because I had a hard time focusing on my prayers at first. I still love to write my prayers, but I also tend to connect faster when I’m looking at His beautiful creation. If you are having a hard time feeling His presence, please try something new….be willing.

Whatever season God personally has you in today my friend, my prayer for you is that He will bless you with more of Himself.

This post was written by Korey Coffman. To read more about her, click here.

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Faith, Giving, Marriage

The Words You’re Probably Avoiding

October 2, 2017October 3, 2017by hcfwomen1 Comment

Finances. Budgets. Bills. These are words most couples dread, right?

This topic has been on my heart, so I wanted to share a few principals we follow that I believe bring peace to this area in our finances.

Tithe/Give. If you’re on the fence about tithing, I can promise you it’s worth it to be obedient to the Lord. When we follow His word and do as He asks, abundant blessing follows. Our first couple years of marriage, our combined income was below the poverty level, and yet, we followed this principal of giving 10% of our income to the Lord—and we never went without. God has always provided everything we need.

We’ve always had the mindset that everything we own is God’s, and from the very beginning, we’d ask him, what do you want us to do with your money? My dad used to tell me, even as a young girl, “You can’t out-give God.” How incredibly true! From the beginning of our marriage, we not only tithed, but we prayerfully considered giving to specific ministries every month. At first, we couldn’t give much, but as we were diligent to give away the little that we had, God quickly and immeasurably provided a blessing in return. With every raise we’ve ever had, our question has always been—Okay, God? How much and where to?

Save. We saved enough for a down payment to buy a house within one year of being married on an income that certainly felt teeny-tiny. Want to know how? We save 10% of our income each month. 10%–that’s all. Give 10, Save 10.

We’ve been supernaturally rewarded by being stewards of our money in this way. We’ve been married 9 years, and we’ve paid off roughly $90,000 in debt. Today our only debt is our house, which will be paid for in 13 years or less. I don’t say that to brag—in fact, I was humbled when I started totaling it all up in preparation for this post. But because I know it’s possible to tackle what might even feel impossible, I want to encourage you: it can be done!

Mutually submit. We get paid twice a month, and we immediately tithe and save 10%. We do it on the gross income (though we don’t think there’s anything wrong doing it the other way), so we’re a little more stretched. What’s left after that is the money we live on and the money we give away.

So what do I mean by mutually submit? Every couple has a spender and saver—and sometimes to more or less varying degrees. Whether you’re one or the other, remember that every financial choice you make affects your spouse. You’re communicating love and respect by how you spend your money (or by what you withhold in spending).

If your spouse has asked you not to purchase something or to be conscious of the “leftover” money this month, then honoring that amount is the way you honor him or her.

And I believe the Lord blesses us, not only when we honor each other with our spending but when we honor Him with our money as well.

I know money isn’t everyone’s favorite subject, but I hope you’ll be encouraged this week. If your bills feel too high, if your savings feels too low—begin to ask the Lord how He wants you to steward your money (and then be obedient! 🙂 ).

His word is true. Psalm 23 begins,

The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not lack.

Believe that, my friends. He will always provide for you!

This post was written by Laura Brandenburg. To read more about her, click here.

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Faith

Lessons that Came from Pain

September 25, 2017September 18, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

In the summer of 2015, Eloise was bit by a rattlesnake. It is only by the healing hand of God that she is still alive today. We are grateful for her testimony and we pray it speaks to your heart.

I was walking on the freshly mowed grass on a warm summer evening when the fiery pain shot through my foot. I knew I had been bitten by something. Afraid to look down, I screamed as Emily turned to see a rattlesnake clutching my ankle and refusing to let go. The seconds felt like an eternity as I kept my eyes forward, refusing to face the reality of the moment, until finally, the serpent released its fangs and cowardly slithered under the fence.

LESSON 1: YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THE SERPENT WILL STRIKE.

A few days before the snake bite, Miles and I took a marriage retreat. We spent time praying, talking, and having fun together. God gave us specific visions for every area of our lives. We anticipated seeing God’s plan transpire. We also worked on our bucket lists. “Miles, #15 on my list is going to be: witness a physical healing. How awesome that would be!”

LESSON 2: GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS. IT MAY NOT BE THE WAY YOU THOUGHT HE WOULD.

Just days later, I found myself in the ER, taking injections of anti-venom. Compartment Syndrome in my leg was a probability, and the swelling continued to creep up my body. Once out of the woods for surgery, the condition of my blood was the next concern. Toxins were throwing my blood into complete chaos. Venomous snakes do not tend to hold on to their prey. In my case, the snake held on, releasing every bit of toxic venom it had. Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation (DIC Syndrome) was the diagnosis. DIC can lead to multi-organ failure, widespread bleeding, and even cause death if not treated correctly.

In this situation, I had absolutely no control. I began to see things from a new perspective when I accepted God’s sovereignty. My situation did not change, but my mindset did. Trusting God took the focus off myself and put it on my Savior. “God, where are You in this?” changed to “I cannot do this by myself. I cast my cares on You.” [1 Peter 5:7]

LESSON 3: I DO NOT HAVE CONTROL. CAST MY CARES UNTO THE LORD.

I learned to praise God in the miracles along the way. On the terrifying days, I cried out, “Jesus hold me!”, and He was faithful to do so. Rollercoaster, yes. Constant God, Yes.

Fifteen days in the hospital and 34 vials of anti-venom later, I was released to go home and begin the process of recovery. “Miles, you should be planning Eloise’s funeral,” explained Dr. Sharp. What a miracle! I had witnessed a physical healing.

LESSON 4: DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF PRAYER AND THE BODY OF CHRIST.

With a room filled with flowers, Scripture, and food, how can you not experience the Presence of God? The Church is the avenue for God’s love to be expressed. I experienced love mainly through intercessory prayer. Intercessors are people who can carry us to the throne of God when we are unable to get there by ourselves. Jesus intercedes for us [Romans 8:34], and we intercede for each other. I was anointed with oil and prayed over by complete strangers. I could not have come out on the other side without the Body of Christ.

The truth hurts, but it will set you free!

LESSON 5: PAIN IS NOT WITHOUT PURPOSE.

That is the promise of Romans 8:28. God did not make this happen to hurt me, but He used it to build me. God turns misery into ministry. God promised this in the beginning,

Then the Lord God said to the snake, ‘You will be punished for this…You will crawl on your belly and eat dust as long as you live. I will make you and the woman hate each other…Her offspring will crush your head and you will strike her offspring’s heel.’

[Genesis 3:14-15, GNB]

This was a foreshadowing of the Gospel. Jesus’ death on the cross was the strike of the serpent. But the resurrection was Jesus crushing his head, leaving the serpent in defeat. Psalm 91:13 says “You will crush under your feet the lion and the snake.” Yes, Lord, I will!

There were many more lessons learned from my experience two years ago. My human mind cannot conceive a God that is so powerful, loving, and good, but my heart accepts it without reservation.

This post was written by Eloise Bell. To read more about her, click here.

Faith, Family, Scripture

The True Caregiver

September 19, 2017September 13, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

I’ve always been a person to take on responsibility for things, even when they weren’t mine to carry. In fact, I was so bad that when things went wrong I would take the blame and then murmur and complain to the Lord! The reason I say that is because it carried on into my family after I got married. This festered in my life for years.

Then, in 1990, at 39 years of age, I found out I was pregnant. When Sarah was born we soon found out that she had physical obstacles. Who do you blame? Well, of course, you blame yourself. That’s when I began the “blame game.” It’s all my fault, I was too old, blah, blah, blah! In that place, I forgot to seek the Lord. I forgot to listen to Him. On the outside I looked like the godly wife and mother who cared for her family, but in reality I was caring only for myself. Everything I did, I did for recognition or praise. It was all centered on me.

In that place, though, I cried out to the Lord and He heard me! In that place, I truly began to see that I wasn’t alone; the Lord had not forsaken me. He was there all the time, shining His precious light on areas that I had taken over.

When I realized that I wasn’t in control and began getting my directions for the day from the Lord, my life radically changed. 1 Peter 5:7:

…casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while the God of all grace…will Himself, perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

It doesn’t matter if you are a caregiver for a husband, child or parent, you must be in Him. Everything you do must be as unto Him! When I truly received this truth, my life and family was totally restored. Now I can’t imagine my life without my daughter. She has brought so much joy to our lives.

Have I had opportunities to choose my way or God’s way? You bet! I have learned, though, when I go my way it brings exhaustion, frustration, and confusion. Not a good place to be! I then take a deep breath and I think on Jesus. Philippians 4:6 tells me to be anxious for nothing. And in verse 8 –

Whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute…if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Jesus is the true caregiver!

This post was written by Beverly Sharp.

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Parenting

Raising Warriors

September 11, 2017August 3, 2017by hcfwomen1 Comment

The ranch. It’s a place I have always been able to find the desires and longings of my soul. Over the years that I have known my husband and been taking trips to the ranch, every trip helps me to see the beauty, romance, and adventure that my soul craves.

That is, until I became a mother.

Then it started to become a hassle. An undertaking if you will. All the gear, all the stuff to take “just in case,” all the fear. I will be three hours from anything if something happens. Taking kids to the ranch just isn’t the same as taking only myself.

And so, the ranch began to lose its magic, just as I think we let motherhood lose its magic. We let motherhood lose its power. We as mothers have such an intrinsic need to care for our children, to meet their needs, that we forget what a precious gift we have been given. We forget the power and the purpose with which our feet have been set on this path.

God didn’t make us mothers so that we could aim to keep our house clean, make the perfect meal seven nights a week (in addition to cute breakfasts and perfectly packed lunches), and present perfectly behaved miniature adults to the world on a daily basis. God didn’t give us children so that we could create picturesque monthly photos of our babies for social media, and make Pinterest-worthy projects and nurseries. None of these are bad things, it’s just that we are called to so much more.

God gave us our children to foster the next generation of hearts for His kingdom. He gives us our children so that we can teach them to love, to live from their hearts, and to learn to trust in Him. God gives us our children—entrusts them to us—so that the next generation of warriors are raised with the Word of God implanted into their hearts and a fresh fire and passion for Christ on their lips.

This last trip to the ranch showed me that in the craziness of life, I have missed it. I have been given the opportunity to live a wild adventure every day. And not to go alone, but to take my children with me. I have been given the chance to show my kids beauty all around us, every day. I’ve been given the gift of teaching my kids the greatest romance of all time—the romancing of their souls by Christ our Savior.

Motherhood is not just a list of tasks to be performed every day, or a checklist of thing to do in order to be a good mom. It’s an invitation to participate in the greatest, most rewarding adventure of all time: the adventure of training warriors for the kingdom of God. Motherhood is a chance to change the world beyond ourselves, to have a lasting impact on the world we will someday leave behind.

I sure don’t want to miss this opportunity because I was too busy looking at the pile of laundry at my feet. Do you?

This post was written by Brooke Kellum. To read more about her, click here.

Hospitality

Your Home, Your People

August 28, 2017August 3, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

I love beauty. I love that God is the ultimate creator and source of beauty. And I love the fact that because we are made in His image, we are, by nature, also creators of beauty.

I also love all things “home.” It’s my very favorite place to be. I could spend hours just looking through picture-perfect homes in magazines. But what the magazines don’t share is that God has given each of us an incredible opportunity to express his rich beauty, love, and hospitality through our homes in a way that’s completely unique to how he has created us and the home that he has given us to share.

In the last 6 years, my husband and I have lived in a tiny university-owned apartment, a sweet, small rent house, and our very own home. Through each of our homes, I’ve gathered some practical ideas for creating a beautiful and welcoming environment (that probably won’t be featured in the next home and garden magazine article).

Decorate with what you like. Instead of trying to fit everything into one particular style, choose pieces that you love and that fit your lifestyle. You might find that, like me, you’re somewhat eclectic. Your home doesn’t have to fit into a box, so don’t try to force it. Our homes should be an expression of who we are and our love for the people in our sphere.

Embrace the process of making a home. Unless you have a huge budget (and probably not even then), a home that fits you and your family doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process—a living, breathing, expression that is built over time. When I try to make everything look designer-put-together and finished all at once, I always end up not completely loving it. Let your home breathe a little. Let it become, over time, a place of retreat for anyone who enters your door.

Display your fondest memories. These probably won’t ever be magazine-worthy. They’re amateur pictures from your favorite vacation. Pictures your babies drew for you as a way to show they love you. Papers and sticky notes filled with scripture that some of your sweetest friends posted all over your house while you were gone for weeks in the hospital with your husband. These things make a home.

Prepare your home for guests. Pick up around the house. Put on some worship music. Brew a pot of coffee. Light a candle. Pray for the people that you will be welcoming into your home. Invite the Holy Spirit to minister to them in your house.

Focus on people. It’s easy to get caught up in whether the house looks perfect enough, or whether everything is done before guests arrive. But your people are much more important than any unfinished task. Don’t feel pressure to point out or apologize for every little thing that you think is wrong or unfinished about your home. They won’t care. They probably won’t even notice. Pay attention to the people in your house more than the tasks or things. It’s such a sweet opportunity to love on them that you don’t want to miss.

Like the author Myquillyn Smith shares in one of my very favorite books, The Nesting Place,

It doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful.

This post was written by Catherine Dunn. To read more about her, click here.

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Parenting

Mom Guilt…

August 14, 2017June 2, 2017by hcfwomen1 Comment

Teething. Sickness. Growing pains. Sleep regression. TWONAGERS…. (I wish I could use the big-eyed emoji right about now) You guys know what I’m talking about!

You’ve had a long day of trying to keep your patience, your child chose not to eat anything at dinner; it’s time for bed and he says, “I’m hungry.” UGHHHH!!!! You get him something to eat, then something to drink, then re-brush his teeth, finally get him to bed, and sit down with a big sigh…FINALLY I can rest!!

Hop on some sort of social media, and the first thing you see is some motherhood quote about being patient because they grow up so fast (or something like that). And BAM, mom guilt strikes again! The devil creeps in through that one post and whispers in your ear, you weren’t good enough today.

Y’all, this is 100% true! Since becoming a mom I have figured out that if I’m not proactive when those words are whispered in my ear, then they don’t stop. If I don’t speak life into myself, I can’t speak life into others, including my child! The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy and the first thing he is after is your happiness.

Before I was aware of what was going on, I would spiral into this negative way of thinking, and attack my every move. “Not good enough” became: not patient enough, not healthy enough, not loving enough, not enough…but is that what our Father in Heaven says about us? NO WAY!!! He says,

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:9

He made you the perfect mom for your children. Your kids don’t need Daniel Tiger’s mom—they need you!!

They need the mom who is able to speak life into them, because she speaks life over herself. The mom who spends time with the Lord because she makes the time to do it. The mom who is confident in who she is, because you are His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10).

So next time the devil whispers in your ear, remember that you are enough, and tell him to shut it!

This post was written by Dana Kimmell. To read more about her, click here.

Honor, Marriage

Dearly Beloved, We are Gathered Here to Witness…

August 7, 2017June 2, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

I am an old married lady. Well…not really old, just old married. A conference I attended a few years ago brought to my awareness the rarity of my marriage’s condition. Apparently, being first-time married 20-plus years and my husband and I both having parents with 45-year first marriages put us in a minority of around 10% of the nation’s population.

I remember celebrating our fifteenth wedding anniversary at a nice restaurant in Albuquerque. Our waitress inquired how long we’d been married, and when we told her fifteen years, she looked surprised and said, “Wow, that’s a really long time!”

Our culture is becoming increasingly unfamiliar with marital commitment. I believe we have a unique opportunity to communicate a kingdom message to those around us by building marriages that endure.

If you are like me, I imagine you are not thinking your marriage is your primary evangelistic tool. And, if you are like me, you might even cringe at the thought of how you’ve “witnessed” to others in the past (Thank you, Husband’s 1990’s Wardrobe, for being an all-too-easy prey of wifely jokes). But let me encourage you with the words Jesus spoke to his (very imperfect) disciples in John 17: 20-23:

I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one… And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me… May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.

If we think about the context of this passage, very few of us would tie it to marriage. Most of us relate it (and rightly so) to the universal body of believers. It is about being unified, and not fighting over nonsense like church building carpet colors.

But stretch your minds for a moment with me: the context of marriage is definitely “becoming one” and living in unity. Therefore, we have a position to communicate a message through our marriages.

As an old married person but with limited space here, I’d like to offer one pointer for marital harmony and improving our kingdom witness: Speak kindly ABOUT your spouse TO others.

Years ago, before Lyle and I married, we decided there are enough people in the world who tear others down, so we needed to build each other up, especially when we’re in conversation with acquaintances. We all know how easy it is to unload on a friend about your husband’s pile of dirty socks, but do we realize the detriment that can do to our kingdom impact?

In Titus 2:5 (Amplified Version), Paul asks wives to honor their husbands so that the Word of God would not be dishonored.

People of the world often only see the Word through how we handle life. If we, as wives, speak praise of our husbands, we will honor our men, and thus help create an enduring marriage.

Who will be witnesses of our message?

This post was written by Shelli Jarvis. To read more about her, click here.

Parenting

Inviting God’s Kingdom into Our Parenting

July 10, 2017June 2, 2017by hcfwomen1 Comment

So, let’s face it, there are days when I’m not functioning at my best. Especially at being a momma. This whole parenting gig has been such a challenge…nonstop…every day…all day.

Being a first-time mom, challenges are at every corner—at least that’s what it seems like! And from what I have heard, every age has its challenges. So learning how to raise children seriously takes a village. When I seem to grasp how to handle a situation with my daughter (with wisdom from INCREDIBLE women), new sets of challenges pop up within…

a few hours.

At times, I get distracted by this myriad of challenges, feeling as though I’m putting out fires all day, and making little to no progress. It can lead me to believe that I’m defeated, the time and effort I put in is useless, and that these challenges are still popping up because I’m not doing a good enough job.

If I do a good enough job, I won’t have to do it again. Right? Not necessarily.

I once worked in an office as a receptionist. One of my responsibilities was to take out the trash and clean the dirty dishes. At one point, I became frustrated with this responsibility. It didn’t matter how many times I cleaned the dishes or took out the trash, I had to do it again. Even if I had done an excellent job the day before—I had to do it again. The job was never done.

One moment when I was washing the dishes, God spoke so plainly: “You do your job, not so that you won’t have to do it again. You do it because it needs to be done. See this as an opportunity to fulfill your outlined responsibilities with excellence on a daily basis.”

The same holds true with raising our daughter. Every challenge that arises, I have a choice to make. I can either see it as a sign of defeat—that what I had sown into her previously was a failure—or I can choose to see it as an opportunity to fulfill my responsibilities of sowing into our daughter’s heart.

Parenting is all about inviting God and his truth to rule and reign in your heart and the heart of your child. It is a never-ending process. We are to be consistent in meeting challenges in light of God and his ways. I don’t discipline my daughter and sow into her heart to complete a one-time task. I do it because it needs to be done in that moment and every moment thereafter.

Some days, I wish sowing into our children with discipline was a one-and-done system, but that’s an unrealistic expectation that only leads to frustration. I choose to believe that every challenge is an opportunity for our family to encounter God and his power through discipline, forgiveness and healing.

So I ask, how are you choosing to meet your challenges today?

This post was written by Abbie Kellum. To read more about her, click here.