hcfwomen

Re: Honor in Marriage

January 2, 2017December 24, 2016by hcfwomen1 Comment

Happy New Year! During the month of January, we will be reposting some of the top posts from 2016. We hope these will encourage you and connect to your heart. Stay tuned for all new posts coming in February 2017!

Not long after we were married, Curtis and I moved into a small, old farmhouse WAY out in the country. We were pretty much newlyweds, and I was blissfully unaware of what life would be like out in the country. For the most part, it was fun. Some of our favorite memories of marriage are when we lived in the country. But it was also where we had our first big argument.
Well, it was a fight. I’m just going to be real.

I came home one afternoon after work, and the toilet was in the dining room. In. The. Dining. Room. Curtis had a saw and was cutting a hole into the wall of our one and only bathroom. He proceeded to tell me that we had a leak, and he was fixing it. I asked him, WHEN HE WAS GOING TO PUT THE TOILET BACK IN THE BATHROOM!? He told me we would be without water for several days, but he put a bar of soap out by the windmill and some toilet paper outside if I needed to go to the bathroom. Y’all, he was serious. I FREAKED!!!!!

Although we both come from good, God-fearing families, we came into our marriage with two TOTALLY different experiences. For example, when something broke at Curtis’ house, they fixed it. When something broke at MY house, we called a professional to fix it.🙂 This seems very insignificant. But I soon found out that this was important to me. Honestly, the toilet in the dining room was merely an inconvenience that I had to experience. It was certainly not the end of the world, and we laugh about it now (Because when things break, he still fixes them himself).

In hindsight, this was one of the first lessons I learned about HONOR in my marriage. My expectation was disappointed by reality. Ladies, this happens in every marriage. If it hasn’t happened to you yet, it will. We all react differently when we are in our “pain cycle.” As for me, I spoke loudly and erratically. Well…I yelled, ok?

After I calmed down and we talked about it, Curtis informed me that it was not ok for me to speak loudly and erratically to him when I’m upset. That’s just not how things were going to be resolved in our home. And he’s right. Even though I felt like I had the right to be angry with him, I still had to learn how to honor him when we disagreed (Or when he was going to fix something that was broken).

Proverbs 31: 12 speaks of a wife of noble character relating to her husband: “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

Notice it doesn’t say she will bring him good, not harm….only when she feels loved and cherished by him; or only when he listens to all of her problems and gives her his undivided attention; or only when he comes home from work and helps her cook dinner, cleans up the kitchen, helps with bath time, and puts all the kids to bed. It doesn’t say she will bring him good, not harm…only when he becomes the spiritual leader of the home; or only when he stops looking at pornography; or only when he treats her the way she expects to be treated.

If I’m honoring my husband ONLY when my expectations are being met, then I’m not really honoring with God’s grace. Actually, if this is the only time I honored Curtis, I would be setting myself up for an unhealthy marriage, an unhappy husband, and an unsatisfied life.

So what does HONOR look like in a marriage when your expectations are constantly being disappointed by reality? It looks like:

praying for your husband even when you really want to speak loudly and erratically
learning to be patient when you really want to nag
treating him the way you want to be treated when you are frustrated with something he’s done (or not done)
being his cheerleader even when you think you know how to do it better
being his advocate when others put him down
learning how to manage your home so you’re not co-dependent on him

So what if your problems aren’t just the run-of-the-mill marital problems? What if there is abuse or addiction? Get help. There are so many incredible professionals who can help you walk through any and every kind of situation.

We’ve got to start letting go of trying to “fix him,” and start seeking the One Who created marriage, knows our every desire and need, and brings us complete joy in this life when we surrender to Him. We all have the ability to be a wife of noble character, whose husband has full confidence in her–to be a woman who fears the Lord. This takes honesty, diligence, vulnerability, repentance, and perseverance. This will take a lifetime of learning who you are in Christ and how you can be one flesh with the man God gave you. Don’t give up, friend! I want to encourage you to examine your heart and look for new ways you can honor your husband today!

This post was written by Allison House. To read more about her, click here.

Family, Holidays

Surviving the Holidays with Family

November 21, 2016November 20, 2016by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

family-holidays “Surviving” and “Holidays” seem like two words that do not belong together; however, the reality is that the holidays can be a very difficult time for a plethora of reasons. The holidays can be a not-so-gentle reminder of past hurts involving family members, an opportunity to grieve those that are no longer with us, and a platform to build up more resentment in struggling familial relationships. This season also lends itself to helping us lose focus on the most important parts of Thanksgiving and Christmas: We become inundated with school plays, holiday parties, and shopping. We are both so eager for the holidays to arrive and eager for them to be over.

I want to challenge each of us to approach this holiday season differently. I am such a visual and kinesthetic person. In an effort to shift my thinking and also the lenses through which I am viewing people, I often picture the following scenario: I picture different pairs of glasses. There are clear ones that are my correct prescription, sunglasses with orange tinted lenses, glasses with weird shapes in the lenses, and a pair with lenses that distort objects.

The reality is that the truth of what I am viewing doesn’t change when I use different lenses. Instead, it is my perspective that changes.

As I approach the holiday season, I am asking the Lord to provide me his lenses through which I can view his people. Using his lenses allows me to love those individuals that are difficult to be with during the holidays. His lenses also allow me to identify hurting people during this season and position myself to love and encourage them. I am so thankful that, this holiday season, we can be a church that chooses our lenses intentionally so that we can participate in what the Lord is doing in the most incredible of ways.

We have the ability to shift our thinking from a mode of “survival” to a position of opportunity this holiday season. I am excited and eager to see what the Lord reveals to me as I ask for his lenses.

This post was written by Lindsey Wesley. To read more about her, click here.

Gratitude, Holidays

Preparing for the Holidays

November 14, 2016November 12, 2016by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

family-pic The leaves are changing, the air is turning cooler, and the expectancy of the holiday season is upon us! My heart leaps when I think about the holidays! I still feel the same expectancy that I did when I was a child, eager for Christmas morning!

However, I have found myself a little anxious about the holidays this year because of the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping, finding the right presents, scheduling family events, and already feeling behind in my normal holiday routine.

Recently, the Lord has been impressing on my heart a few things that have brought me a lot of peace and joy. Instead of the focus and attention being on what gift we are going to receive, the perfect gift we are going to buy, the menu for Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner, the schedule of who goes where, when, the endless parties to attend, and let’s not forget about teacher gifts…let’s look for the “new” in our traditions and the people we enjoy!

Many of us have the same traditions year after year. Looking back, as a child, some of the happiest memories I had were during this time of year. Instead of taking for granted the “process” and people we love this year, how about we notice and really “see” them? Look for the amazing qualities that we may have missed over the past year (or years). Let’s live our traditions out this year like it could be our last, really taking the time to enjoy the moments we get to spend with family and friends.

The years go by fast, and time is fleeting before us. Our children are getting older, our parents are getting older…our “normal” becomes just memories!

I don’t want to miss a thing this year! I don’t want to take one thing for granted. I want to go to every event with expectation in my heart for something new! I want to buy something for someone that brings meaning to their life.

The Lord has brought forth blessings overflowing in my life. This holiday season, I want to be grateful for every person, every gift, every smile, every endless side dish full of carbs, every Walmart line, every pile of leaves in my backyard, every cup of coffee filled with holiday creamer, and most of all Christ’s love and sacrifice for me!

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Colossians 2:6-7

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:17

This post was written by Amy Meek. To read more about her, click here.

Fruitfulness, Hospitality, Identity, Recipes

How I Defeated Fear with Cherry Pie

November 7, 2016October 28, 2016by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

cherry-pie As a kid, one of my most favorite places to be was in the kitchen. Standing next to my mom and watching her maneuver her way through the kitchen was incredible to me! I wanted her to teach me everything she knew about cooking. I wanted to become a great cook, and not only feed my family, but anyone else who walked into my home. To this day, I get so much joy from being in my kitchen and cooking food for people.

My sister-in-law recently got married and she asked me if I could make a few pies for her wedding. I was honored to be able to help contribute to her special day and immediately said yes. I opened our family’s cookbook and browsed around, and finally decided I wanted to make a cherry pie! But I wondered if it would be “good enough” for the wedding? The thought crossed my mind to make a homemade pie crust, but I was a little unsure about that because I had never made one before.

That’s when the fear, negative thoughts, and doubt started rising up in me. I told myself that I just simply couldn’t do it, that it was going to be way too hard, and if I tried it and failed, then I would be letting my sister-in-law down. After believing all those lies, I made the decision to just go with the good ‘ole store-bought crust.

A few days passed and I started thinking about the decision I had made, and I didn’t like it. Why was I so fearful? I walked into the kitchen and noticed the verse written on our chalkboard: 2 Timothy 1:7 –

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

That was just what I needed to hear! God reminded me just then that He did not design my spirit to be fearful and timid. He designed my spirt to be full of power, love, and self-discipline!

Self-discipline is the ability to control one’s feelings and overcome one’s weaknesses; the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it.

God gives all of us the ability to control our feelings and overcome our weaknesses. The power to do that lives in us and it cannot be taken away!

I want to encourage you to do whatever it is that has been holding you back lately. Whether it is an art project on Pinterest; trying a new recipe for supper; implementing new changes at work; standing up for someone or something you believe in; trusting your children to make the right choices; submitting to your husband, or letting unhealthy relationships go.

Everyone has fears; that’s part of life. But at what point are we going to stop letting fear control us? You have to stand up to that fear, look it in the eye, and tell it, “You have no stronghold over me!” If you don’t, then the enemy has won, because fear is not from God.

I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

Psalms 16:8

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Incredible Pie Crust

2 1/2 C. Flour
1 tsp. salt
2 T. sugar
1 1/2 Sticks cold butter, cut into 1/4in pieces
1/2 C. Cold shortening, cut into pieces
1/2 C. Cold water

Combine 1 1/2 Cups flour, salt, and sugar then mix together. Cut in butter and shortening with a pasty cutter until its all mixed together and resembles cottage cheese. Add remaining flour and mix. Sprinkle water on top of dough and with a rubber spatula, mix dough and liquid with a folding motion, pressing on dough. It will be very tacky. Divide dough into 2 balls. Place each ball onto a large square plastic wrap and flatten into a 4 inch disk. Wrap plastic around dough. Refrigerate 1 hour. May keep in refrigerator for up to 2 days. If not using right away you can put dough into the freezer. When ready to use let it defrost in refrigerator and then roll out for your incredible pie crust. Makes 2 pie crusts.

This recipe was given to me by my cousin Chana Miller Van Houten.

This post was written by Rae Leach. To read more about her, click here.

Family, Grief, Hospitality, Identity

Making a Home: Words for a Care-Giver

October 17, 2016by hcfwomen4 Comments

My perceived golden years were supposed to be the time when ingathering was finished and I could enjoy the fruits of my many years of labor. The time when most of my bucket list could start happening and I could do the things I had put on the back-burner and told myself I’d do when I got old and gray. Then life got in the way and things didn’t go as I dreamed. My Little Mama’s golden years became tarnished by the patina of Alzheimer’s and she needed a care-giver. My golden years had changed into something totally different than I expected.

In seeking God‘s perspective for this season in my life He reminded me of this promise in 2 John 1,3:

To the elect lady and her children (family)… Grace, mercy and peace WILL be with you from God the Father and from the Lord Jesus Christ…

He reminded me that these words were much more than a salutation. They were HIS words of LIFE to me and that if I received each one and laid claim to them for my own as a daily blessing from Him then I could be who He wanted me to be for my family in this season.

GRACE. MERCY. PEACE. These words have nothing to do with what I do to make my home comfortable for my family….they have everything to do with who I am in my home with my family.

It is God’s grace that helps me when I have to parent my parent to make sure she remains safe and healthy. It is His grace that helps me in the times buttons from childhood get pushed and I want to respond in a defensive, emotional, or hateful way. It is His grace that helps me to be able to walk away from the physical clutter and chaos that this disease brings into a home.

It is His mercy flowing through me that gives me compassion for the times Little Mama comes to me scared because she doesn’t know where her parents or her husband or her puppy is. Mercy for when she doesn’t know where she is or why she is living with me so that I can comfort her and make her feel safe. It is His mercy that lets me know it is okay to be messed up emotionally at times when I get frustrated or when I see the confusion and pain in Little Mama’s eyes.

Most of all I find I can have inner peace because I know I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing in this season. Honoring my Little Mama and knowing this pleases my DAD. And if I continue to press in to receive and live in these blessings from Him, my home will flow in abundance of what He wants it to be….maybe not Better Homes and Gardens perfect, but God-Perfect….a life-giving, loving, warm, comfortable and safe haven for my family’s spirits.

This post was written by Kitty Shipman. To read more about her, click here.

Hospitality, Singleness

Making a Home During the Season of Singleness

October 10, 2016October 9, 2016by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

To me, hospitality means creating a welcoming place…for others as well as for yourself. It’s creating a place of beauty and rest. But this will look different for each person.

What does it mean to have a heart of hospitality, and how can you do that during a season of being single?

Some of you may think that you don’t really need to be “hospitable.” No one ever comes over to your house anyway! Or maybe you live in the dorm…How can you show hospitality there? Or maybe this whole idea of hospitality just overwhelms you, and you don’t know where to start. Let me tell you a few stories…

I learned about welcoming people into my home at a young age. When I was in junior high and high school, my parents helped lead the college group at our church. At least once a month (often more frequently), we would have a group of students over to our house. I learned to set the table (or set out TV trays!), greet everyone at the door with a smile, and help wash the dishes after everyone left. I didn’t realize then that I was learning a valuable tool for my future.

Learning how to implement hospitality in different settings sometimes takes creativity.

When I was in college, there was an upstairs lobby in our dorm. Besides using it for weekly dorm Bible studies, it was mainly abandoned. I asked my RHS if I could decorate it, and she gave permission. For less than $30, I blew up some pictures that I’d taken myself (mainly of landscapes or flowers), put them in a whole bunch of empty box frames from my parent’s garage, hung the pictures on the walls, and decorated the window frame. Then I would plug in my hot water kettle and invite people over for tea (Even some non-college adult women friends kindly humored me by coming to my little corner!).

Hospitality is not just for others; it’s creating a welcoming place for you to come home to, especially if you live by yourself. Two things that I learned from the book The Spirit of Loveliness:

Light lamps; It’s always nice to come home to at least a lamp lit in the hallway and in the bathroom (this has been true no matter what apartment I’ve lived in)
Play music; Music changes the atmosphere, and always puts me in a happier mood, even if it’s just for washing dishes

You don’t have to have a big or fancy place. It’s the atmosphere—the feel—that you give people when they come into your space. Do they feel welcomed? Do they feel relaxed? Do they feel at home?

Creating a place for people to come and feel welcomed is a spiritual activity. As we prepare and pray over our “space,” it opens our hearts up to the people who are coming in. And it opens up people’s hearts to experience the welcoming love of our God.

This post was written by Heather Dillard. To read more about her, click here.

Family, Holy Spirit, Hospitality, Marriage

Making a Home: For the Working Wife

October 3, 2016September 3, 2016by hcfwomen1 Comment

We are kicking off a new topic this month about Making a Home.

As women, we play a vital role in establishing God’s kingdom in our home.

We are carriers of His peace, love, and joy, and our homes should be bursting with the manifest presence of the Holy Spirit.

But when you need to get dinner out of the oven while simultaneously moving over a load of laundry, feeding the dog, and checking your kid’s homework, it sure doesn’t feel like a Sunday morning worship song.

For me personally, I have to battle the excuse that hangs on the tip of my tongue: “But I work too!”

And for whatever reason, this is the most challenging for me when it comes to dinner. Those infamous words that put me in my pain cycle: “What’s for dinner?”

The screaming crazy woman in my head—the one in business slacks and a nice blouse, setting her laptop bag down and taking off her heels—wants to shout, “I don’t know! I work too!”

Any working wives relate?

But my job is to establish my home; in fact, Proverbs 14:1 says,

The wisest of women builds her home, but the foolish, with her own hands, tears it down.

Do you see what power we have in our home?

I’ve also learned that I’m not supposed to build my house alone. I’m not a martyr, falling on the sword of unending laundry and “What’s for dinner?” conversations.

Dinner was my struggle, and all I had to do was tell my sweet hubs how hard that was for me to come home and figure out dinner after working all day.

Our guys want to help—yes, your husband too.

They often don’t know how to help us or what we need.

So, how can I build peace in my home between the hours of 5:30 and 6:30 when dinner needs to supernaturally appear?

Well, I work best with a plan. We plan what we can cook—emphasis on we. We plan what nights will be leftovers or something easy (e.g. hot dogs). We plan what can be pre-cooked and frozen—usually those are the best plans.

We grocery shop on Sunday, and we make a plan for the week. The screaming crazy woman disappears and is replaced by joy and peace.

If you want peace in your home, you’ve got to communicate with your family. Get a cleaning schedule. Create a chore chart. Plan your meals for a week (or a month!).

Whatever you need to do, talk to your husband and do it.

When we establish peace in our homes, we are a blessing to our husbands and our children; we bring God’s kingdom there; we invite the Holy Spirit to move; and we influence His reign in our families.

Don’t you want some of that in your house? I know I do!

This post was written by Laura Brandenburg. To read more about her, click here.

Books, Fruitfulness, God's Presence, Holy Spirit

Kitchen Sinks and Quiet Moments

September 26, 2016September 24, 2016by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

Where do you most feel the presence of God? I could give you my Sunday school answers such as: in my quiet time, during a worship service, or while deep in prayer. While all of these may be true (I am one girl moved by worship!) I have a definite time and place I can feel His presence most.

Ladies, to be honest, I most feel the presence of God at my kitchen sink. Something about scrubbing caked-on casserole pans and muddling through dishes that would suggest I fed a small army all day opens my heart in a way to feel God’s presence.

Maybe it is the fact that I am finally alone—no toddler demanding all of my attention. Maybe its because I am worn and weary from a day of serving my family. Or maybe it is simply the fact that I am not rushing about—I am still and fully present.

Here, in His presence, I have received promises of His love and provision. I have received grace to finish the day. I have received comfort for my tears (Please tell me someone else cries while washing dishes!). I have received words of hope and direction.

The fact that I stand in His presence elbow-deep in dirty water suggests to me that He is waiting for me always. I don’t have to wait for Him until my next quiet time or, heaven forbid, until the next time I walk into church. What great news!

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens you are there;
If I make my bed in the depths you are there.

Psalm 139:7-8

Are you fighting to get into God’s presence when you are already there? Has your connection with God been stolen by religious practices? I believe it is possible to miss out on real, true relationship in the pursuit of a religious experience. Sisters, you don’t have to stand on your head while reading the Bible cover-to-cover to get to Him.

I encourage each of you this week to let go of your pre-conceived ideas about being in God’s presence and simply wait for Him in those quiet moments. Your “kitchen sink” might be while you are driving, while tending to your flowers, or in the still of the morning.

Wherever you are, lean your thoughts and your heart to Him, and feel Him embrace you with his presence—because ladies, He is already there.

This post was written by Makenzi Wethington. To read more about her, click here.

God's Presence, Prayer

It’s Not About Rules

September 12, 2016September 5, 2016by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

There seem to be so many rules about spending time with God: You should pray first thing in the morning. But, also pray throughout the day. You need to pray about J(esus) O(thers) Y(ourself). Praying for 30 minutes is a minimum. Pray the Word. Be quiet and listen. Pray in a prayer closet. Pray with others. Pray by yourself. Pray for your children (for sure before bed!).

Nothing seems to be wrong with any of these guidelines. We WANT to pray effectively. We WANT to be taught how. We will do anything in our power to get it right…And that’s where it seemed to break down for me. I realized I am dependent upon God, even for—especially for—prayer.

I recognize that I have rules/guidelines for interacting with my friends and family, but that is not what I am most thinking about when I have fellowship with them. My awesome heavenly Father captures my attention so much more, and woos me into a love relationship with Him. I just want to be with Him. I want to be led by Him as I grow in my relationship with Him in prayer.

Not that my relationship with God has to have parallels with my human relationships, but I think it does bring up some things to think about. Just as I don’t interact with my husband in the exact same pattern every day, I realized it is the same with my heavenly Father.

Sometimes I can sit quietly in His presence and be refreshed. Sometimes it looks more like a great interceding for a matter that He has placed on my heart. Sometimes I sing a love song to Him (although not as often as I would wish, and certainly not with a microphone). Sometimes I pray for those matters that it says specifically in His word that we should pray for (like our leaders and for Israel).

Right now, I have a desire to grow in these things. I also don’t want my life to be so segregated, but to fellowship with God throughout the entire day.

I love having a sweet reminder of His presence when I see the sunrise. I love when I sense His leading as I seek Him silently in the middle of a difficult conversation. I love when He brings a Scripture to my mind. Walking with Him and abiding in Him all day long is my desire. But it is only in His strength. Thank you, Lord, that your strength is all I need.

I love Philippians 2:13 that says,

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

It’s all in Him. He gives me the desire to have greater fellowship with Him, and then He doesn’t leave me hanging—He gives me the power to do it. I’m grateful.

This post was written by Karen Earhart. To read more about her, click here.

Author: hcfwomen