hcfwomen

Thoughts on Parenting from an (Near) Empty-Nester

April 10, 2017February 20, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

teens The year was 2012, and our son Logan was graduating from high school and moving away to college. I found myself in a bit of a panic, thinking, “Yikes! Have I instilled in him every value I want him to live by?” Well…the answer is hopefully yes but probably not (As a parent, you’re encouraged by that, I’m sure).

In truth, there are lots of things I wish I had known over the years of raising my kids. I wish someone had informed me that no matter how many times you help your son clean up his room, there will be that one random Lego under his bed that you suck up in the vacuum cleaner, causing racket that will make you believe that every screw is vibrating loose and rendering said vacuum useless. Or that junior high girls turn into oversized whiny toddlers with competing desires to wear makeup and NOT deodorant. I should have mentally prepared…

Reflecting back, though, there were principles that became pivotal to how Lyle and I raised our kids to pass along our faith. We lived with Deuteronomy 6:6-8 as our guide: Teach the Word to our children as we walk through our daily lives. I am going to assume that you already want to read the Bible with your children and pray with your kids as you parent, so I hope these additional ideas will be fresh for you:

1) Boys need to hear the voice of their father in their ear (as their father is listening to THE Father!). In John 12:49, Jesus says He only speaks what His Father commanded Him. As a wife, I have prayed for my husband to hear what the Lord tells him to do, just as Jesus did. I grew up with a Marine father and am generally about as tough as a mom can be, but all that toughness often translated to nagging in our son’s ears. The concept of respect is deeply engrained in males, however. So enter Lyle, the father, who could say LITERALLY THE SAME WORDS as I did, but Logan—because he desired his dad’s respect—would obey. Mamas, let your man take the reins, even when it’s difficult to agree with his method of discipline. You’ll earn your husband’s admiration and (hopefully) your son’s cooperation.

2) Show interest in your daughter’s interests so that you can remain connected and speak truth to her. We spent our time with Leah hearing about My Little Pony, reading Lemony Snickett books, talking about school friends, boys, and watching romantic comedies…and through that investment God provided unexpected opportunities to share our perspectives (and the Word). I will admit that paying attention is not always easy, especially if you disagree with your daughter’s latest pastime, but combining that questioning with a loving community allows them to grow.

In creating an environment where sons and daughters are loved and guided, your home will be a place where faith will be taught AND caught!

This post was written by Shelli Jarvis. To read more about her, click here.

Marriage

It’s Okay: Ask for Help!

April 3, 2017April 1, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

Last week, I had to go to the store after work—and then Howell went with me again after I got home because of an important item I’d forgotten in my hasty visit.

I’d spent hardly any time at home between grocery store one and grocery store two. We had dinner plans after that, so we jumped from one place to the other.

We didn’t get home until after 9:00 p.m., and I still needed to make sausage balls for a work event the following day.

As we were leaving dinner, I grabbed Howell’s hand and said, “I need help!” 🙂

Y’all. I know I say it a lot, but my husband is the best.

We got home, and he pulled out the mixing bowls while I pulled out the ingredients, and we stood—side by side—rolling 100 sausage balls.

I finished in probably half the time it would have taken me (rolling takes the most time, really), and I was grateful for his help.

That got me thinking: I’ve written before that our husbands want to help; we need only ask them.

Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m trying to do it all until I’ve completely worn myself out.

Any time I ask Howell to help me with something (“Can you pick up the dry cleaning?” “Can you run to the store on your way home?” “Can you do…?”), he’s always happy to do so.

The problem is, I forget to ASK FOR HELP.

Can anyone relate?

Wives, we weren’t meant to shoulder all the weight.

Although 1 Peter 3:7 is addressing what husbands should do, I love what Julie, our pastor’s wife, pointed out recently at our women’s event. She said, the Bible calls US the WEAKER vessel. It’s okay. Get over it. Accept it. Be happy about it.

#Truth

Sometimes I’m so busy trying to be strong, that I forget it’s okay to be weak. Not only does the Lord tell us that when we’re weak, He’s strong, but also He gave us husbands who are strong for us.

Culture tells women to be independent–not in need of a man. I’m all for empowering women from subjugation, but in marriage, that still must be balanced with biblical truth.

And the truth is, we were made to be a helpmate for our husbands, and our husbands are to lead and cover us.

If you feel overwhelmed today, ask your husband for help—or ask him to help you say no if there’s too much on your plate. Let him lead you—and let him share the weight. He is strong and able, I promise.

This post was written by Laura Brandenburg. To read more about her, click here.

Faith, God's Presence

In a Moment’s Time

March 27, 2017February 20, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

father-daughter Moments are what truly make up the fabric of my time these days. With a toddler in tow, anything and everything can change in a moments time. Peace can turn to chaos, to-do lists float out the window to the sweet land of “Mañana” (Where nothing ever really gets done ‘Tomorrow’), and a moment to myself translates into little fingers creeping under the bathroom door. So for me, it is easy to let moments tic-tock right out of my memory and go by unnoticed while the next moment of my day begins.

However, I did have a moment with God that did take up residence. My husband and I have been on a financial roller coaster these past couple of years, and God has provided more abundantly than I could have thought possible. In January, God even provided my husband with a new job. I thought that with this transition my heart would brim over with joy. Instead, I went into complete task mode. All of my focus and attention went into our budget: Shoring up the last year and trying to “get ahead.” I found myself getting stressed and worried on how to get it all accomplished.

It was then that God took a moment with me and revealed that I had applied a cultural norm from our society onto him and his kingdom. Traditionally, and in some ways even biblically, when a person either turns a certain age, gets a “big person job” or even gets married, they are to leave their parents’ home, authority and provision. The parents, in essence, have given their child the tools needed to fully provide for themselves. I had believed that since God blessed Derek with this job, that it was fully up to us to provide for all our needs. God had given Derek a big boy job and we were on our own. It was then that God spoke:

“Your age, marital status or income doesn’t determine my character and how I relate to you. You will always be my daughter, and I will always relate to you as your Father. Nothing can remove you from my Kingdom, you are forever in my home and under my provision.”

So I leave you with this passage from Matthew 6:30-33 (MSG)

What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Love you all!

Abbie

This post was written by Abbie Kellum. To read more about her, click here.

Fruitfulness, Gratitude, Grief, Kindness

An Attitude of Gratitude

March 20, 2017March 20, 2017by hcfwomen4 Comments

Starting my mornings off in my cozy bed with my personalized Bible verse has really been a positive action for me. Rise and shine!

This is the day the Lord has made. Let ME rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:24

I try to say it out loud and declare it to be so.

It is very important for me to talk myself into a positive grateful mood to begin my day and often to continue that positivity throughout my day. You see, my precious husband of 46 plus years has had Alzheimer’s Disease for a long time. I have been a caregiver for others with Alzheimer’s also. My husband’s aunt, my wonderful Mother, my special Mother Mother-in-Law, and numerous patients. I have been a RN for over 45 years.

Forming the habit of being positive in each situation that arises is difficult, but not impossible with God’s help.

l can do anything through Jesus Christ who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13

Find something affirmative in each situation that arises. Even if whatever is taking place at the moment is not so good, expect God to bring good out of it.

Surrounding yourself with Christians, such as your family, church family, neighborhood friends, colleagues, support groups, etc., is extremely important. You can cry, laugh, express your anxiety, get angry when you need to, and hopefully without judgement. Praying with a group is so refreshing, healing, and empowering.

The act of grieving is so very hard when your loved one is leaving you mentally while his body is shriveling slowly away. Gratefully, he’s not in pain. I have laid next to him reminiscing about our life—especially how we met, holidays, birthdays, trips, harvesting, sport events, friends, etc. Not crying, for his sake, was extremely hard, but then on my long drive home from Lubbock back to our farm a flood of tears came. Many times I had to stop off the side of the highway to get my crying over with so I could drive home safely.

I truly enjoyed my days of laughter with my husband. I could not laugh AT him with his very bizarre actions or things he said caused by his Alzheimer’s. I did laugh about those things later though. “A cheerful heart is a good medicine.” Proverbs 17:22

Making out a list of your blessings is cathartic. Thanking God for the love of my life, our 2 wonderful sons, our 2 fantastic daughter-In-laws, and our four terrific growing-up-way-too-fast grandchildren is at the top of that list. Having the finances for my husband’s care is such a blessing. I am so very grateful for the good care he is receiving though the nursing home and hospice staff. What a blessing these hardworking loving people are.

Care givers, take care of yourself!! Ask for help. Accept help. Take care of your medical needs. Exercise, find some form of activity that you like so that you will do it. Get with a buddy so you will be accountable. Make your exercise a routine habit. You’ll feel so much better. Feed yourself healthy meals. Your body is a temple of God. Treat it that way. Show your body the GRATITUDE it deserves.

~*~*~*~

Helen Teeple is our guest writer today. She has been married for over 46 years, and has 2 sons, Brian & Keith. They have 1 granddaughter and 3 grandsons. Helen has been a BSN, RN for over 45 years. “I knew I want to be a nurse when I was 6 years old. When a RN friend called me to come to work as a Hospice Nurse I felt God was preparing me for the season of my life I am experiencing now.”

Helen is a member of the First United Methodist Church of Floydada, TX. She grew up in Irving, TX, and graduated from TWU in Denton, TX. She lives on their farm in South Plains. “I never thought or dreamed I would marry a farmer, but God sure had other plans for us, and I’m glad I followed His directions!”

Faith

The Illusion of Control

February 27, 2017August 19, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

map-and-compass Growing up, I always had a plan. Every January, my parents would pull out the calendar and we would plan events, vacations, school obligations, and sports activities for the entire year. My summers were spent doing math and science workbooks, including SAT and ACT prep. Our family schedules were synchronized and carefully executed.

When the time came, I attended a great University only 20 minutes from Disneyland and 5 minutes from the beach—yet I never actually went to Disney and rarely frequented the beach. Instead, I spent my time doing homework, researching topics related to my major, practicing piano and serving on various academic leadership teams. By the time I received my B.A., I was full of energy and zest: I knew where I was going in life (straight to grad school), what I would accomplish with my degree, and how I would do it. I had complete control over my life…which finally became a problem for the first time.

In the fall of 2009, I drove to Dallas for grad school, ready to work on my M.A. and satisfied with my new job as a dorm pastor of a local college. Only 45 minutes outside my new home, I got a phone call from my new boss. She apologetically explained that my predecessor had decided not to move after all and, though regrettable, they had to retract my job offer. Within 10 minutes I became jobless, homeless, and hopeless. I had no money and realized for the first time that life couldn’t always be controlled by me.

I spent the first month of grad school sleeping on kind stranger’s couches. While this was a hard time in my life, it was also my greatest blessing. As I slowly started getting back on my feet, I learned that surrender didn’t mean giving God the excess or things I didn’t want to handle; it meant giving him authority over situations I desperately clung to and tried to control.

In 2011, my life flip-flopped again as God called my husband and I to Northern Asia for missions. We left our family and friends in 2012, without any church backing or fundraising, to a place we didn’t know. While I didn’t have a plan, God always did. I’ll be honest: there were some times it was overwhelming to have an unknown future. However, I was learning to trust God and not myself. Our journey would lead us back to California and eventually Texas, where surprises still abound.

While I still make plans and try to live my life with excellence, I know that it no longer depends on my strength. For that I am grateful. I would have never picked Amarillo, Texas, to be the city of my dreams… yet in this season of life (and hopefully many more) that’s exactly what it is. After all, God knows me better than I know myself and He wants His people to rely on Him.

‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’

(Jeremiah 29:11)

What area of control do you need to surrender today?

This post was written by Jess Bell.

SaveSave

Boundaries, Fruitfulness, Health, Identity

Caring for “Me”

February 20, 2017February 19, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

“Who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved?” Song of Solomon 8:5

I have never in my life had such a definitive change in seasons.

All my past season changes were kind of blended like fall blends into winter and winter into spring.

This season change is almost like a nuclear holocaust…just a blank landscape with a wide open space of nothing except the debris of what used to be.

I have been a care-giver most of my life, starting as a child of a single parent. I gave care to my mama, my brother, and our home to help relieve some of my mama’s burden. Then came the season of marriage and child-raising. We all know what that requires of a wife and mother. Then all of a sudden the season of caring for the elders in my family arrived, and it lasted longer than the season of child-raising.

Now that all of these seasons have come and gone, I find my soul is weary and so is my body. As I sit in my woman-cave, I look around at all of the clutter that has accumulated during this past season and ponder: “Is this indicative of my heart, Lord? Is my heart so cluttered from the weariness and emotions of this past season that I need to be decluttered?” And as I quietly sit here, I hear my Jesus’ voice:

Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you. Let Me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.

(Matt. 11:28-30 NLT).

So, I have a choice. I can get in my normal “who” of being task-oriented and ABC-123, and slog through this wilderness in my own effort and keep on keeping on. Or I can stop and wait.

I can wait at the edge of this new season until I am refreshed in my soul. I can wait until I can see clearly God’s plan for me in this new season. I can wait and not be discouraged as I allow Holy Spirit to clear the clutter of emotions out of my heart and help me clear the clutter in my home. I can wait while the “Mary” in me is refreshed and revived, and the “Martha” takes a rest.

So, for now I plan to do some self-care, taking time to rest by not having so many self-expectations. I can enjoy doing life with my husband without having to put others’ needs before ours. I can be content keeping busy at home. I can still care for others through being diligent in prayer. And I can look forward with expectation to what God has for me.

This post was written by Kitty Shipman. To read more about her, click here.

Books, Family, Honor, Identity, Marriage, Parenting

Wild Men

February 6, 2017February 7, 2017by hcfwomen1 Comment

wild-men-1 Even after being raised as the only girl among brothers, this little lady had some eye-opening learning curves to scale as a young wife to a real-live, flesh-and-blood man and a mother of two rough-and-tumble sons. Oh, I should have been used to the constant wrestling, the competing, the bleeding…the frequent stitches, athletic events, and sheetrock repairs. However, when I found myself yoked together with the love of my life and responsible for managing our active household of little lads whom I absolutely adored, I’m afraid my uber-responsible, controlling side rared up and rather ruled the day.

You probably know the feeling. That twitching, worried, hyper-protective maternal instinct kicks in, and we believe with all our hearts that Momma Knows Best in All Things! And what Momma wants is to keep all her babies close and safe and free from trouble, preferably surrounded by bubble wrap.

Now, I’m not going to tell you that I had an instantaneous transformation, laid down all my control issues at the altar, and have walked 100% free all the days thenceforth. What I can say is that my Father God gave me moments of insight and revelation into the masculine heart and soul—and that led me to come into agreement with Him and how He wired these guys we all love.

Reading the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge was so impactful in that season of my life. I accepted how my husband and sons were designed by God to be aggressive warriors, adventurers, and leaders. For example, they desire to be respected and trusted as they do hard things, carry heavy responsibility, face danger, rise up to meet challenges, and overcome adversity without being rescued or micromanaged by me.

Truthfully, God used all of this revelation to start healing deep places in my own feminine soul as well, inviting me to get in touch with beauty, softness, nurture, comfort, and the freedom of submission in a way I had never experienced until then. I made crazy-wild choices to actually trust my husband’s decisions for our family instead of resisting, learning to lean into his leadership and trusting the Father’s voice in and through him, to me and to our children.

Over seasons of walking with the Lord as a wife and mother, I continue to relinquish my fears to Him when they arise. Basically, I have come to such a solid and peaceful place of faith in the fact that God’s will is for there to be order in our home. I invite you to join me in that place of faith for your home. That order and peace is totally worth fighting for!

What a generous gift that the masculine and feminine hearts are absolutely being restored and healed in our generation, as we continually surrender to the ways of our Father’s kingdom.

This post was written by Jill Brown. To read more about her, click here.

Faith, God's Presence

Re: Awareness of His Presence

January 30, 2017December 24, 2016by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

During the month of January, we will be reposting some of the top posts from 2016. We hope these will encourage you and connect to your heart. Stay tuned for all new posts coming in February 2017!

When I was in my early 20’s, I attended a Walk to Emmaus. During one of the talks, a woman told us how she spent her quiet time with the Lord every day. She had a cozy chair, in a specific spot in her house. She had a CD player that continually played worship music. She had a journal that she faithfully wrote in every single day. She read a chapter in the Old Testament, a Psalm, and a chapter in the New Testament. She used different colored highlighters to mark certain topics in her Bible. She seemed like she had it all together! So I took out my paper and made a checklist of all of these things. I figured that if I did everything she did, my personal time with the Lord would be….…EPIC!

Unfortunately, keeping up with her checklist for myself left me frustrated, feeling inadequate and like a failure. Can anybody relate to this?

I had to learn this truth: I will never experience abundance or fulfillment in my personal time with the Lord if I am fixated on the process itself. It’s not God’s intention for us to just feel good about ourselves, because we read our Bible today. Psalm 86:11 says, “Teach me Your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear Your name.” He wants us to know Him, and He wants to reveal Himself to us. This takes practice, patience, perseverance, living in your truth, having an undivided heart, being aware of His Presence, and being vulnerable and obedient to His Spirit.

This looks different at different seasons in our lives. Currently, all four of my kids are in four different schools. I’m also a preschool teacher to fifteen 4-year-olds. I’m a pastor’s wife, a worship leader, and a life group host. I have thousands of loads of laundry to do. Somebody has to feed all of these people in my house. Then there’s the “driving everybody to all of their stuff” everyday! Life is pretty overwhelming right now in this season. BUT, my Father has things to reveal to me. And I want to know Him more every day. So I wake up very early, and I spend time with Him. I pray. I worship. I read His Word. And I listen.

But that’s not all!!! I have friends who speak life to me. I have a church family that surrounds me in prayer and love. God even reveals Himself to me in the 4-year-olds that I teach. You see, He is everywhere all the time. The time you spend with the Lord doesn’t have to be confined to your comfy chair in your special place in your house, with your vast assortment of highlighters, and all the right worship music. It is living life, being aware of His presence, and responding to His love by bearing good fruit to all He puts in our lives. Jesus says in John 15:16,

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last.

You, Beloved, have been chosen by the Father. He has great things in store for you! Make the choice to commune with Him today and see what He reveals!

This post was written by Allison House. To read more about her, click here.

Honor

Re: Honor in the Workplace

January 16, 2017December 24, 2016by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

A little child is walking in the woods holding a light and looking at a glowing red door on the path for a mystery or imagination concept. During the month of January, we will be reposting some of the top posts from 2016. We hope these will encourage you and connect to your heart. Stay tuned for all new posts coming in February 2017!

When my husband and I moved to Plainview, we were newly married, swimming through life with love and a whole lot of immaturity! We joined Harvest, and God began to put my husband and I on a path of learning honor that started in our home.

I began to learn that honor was a state of my heart. It didn’t matter what Jodie did or didn’t do or deserve, my heart was called to honor this man. Wait, what??
That would require me to humble myself, bite my tongue, and allow the Holy Spirit to transform my heart? YES!

I was given the incredible opportunity to have a family and be called to work outside the home. I was also put on another path: learning to honor in the workplace. As much as I often struggled with whether to work or stay home with my kids, God always led me to a place of work outside the home. For a long time, I beat myself up over what I thought Christian women would say about me if I didn’t stay home with my kids. But I knew God had called me to work outside the home; so I embraced it, gave it my all, and have chosen to not be ashamed to walk in God’s best for me!

So, how do we as women embrace honor in the workplace? How do we cultivate a heart condition/environment that honor will flourish in?

There will always be many work situations that are both positive and negative. You may work for the best boss in the world, or you may have a boss that is controlling and rules with an iron fist. Either way, does it change God’s desire for us to live from a place of honor?

How do I respond when my boss makes me mad? What if I disagree with a decision that was made? How does my “talk” about him/her show honor? What if they make a mistake? How do I respond? What if others try to draw me into their negative conversation about my boss? Do I do the same amount of work when I am monitored and when I am not?

Ephesians 6:5-8 says,

Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free.

This scripture is pretty straightforward. Do your “work” as unto the Lord. But if the state of our heart has not embraced the foundational truth of honor, then this scripture will be offensive, out of reach, and defeating.

How do we begin this journey and get on a path of honor?

It begins with surrendering and believing who we are in Christ. If I don’t believe who I am in Christ—that I am righteous, whole, and lacking nothing—then my boss, husband, or any authority figure can send me into a “tizzy” real quick. No matter what my boss does, I am ok and secure in Christ. My faith is not in man but Christ alone.

I can honor my boss and cover him/her because of who I am, not because of his/her merit. We can’t change anything on our own. We can’t “will” or try harder for our heart to change; only the Holy Spirit can do that. In the process of allowing God to transform our beliefs, our choices can start to mirror God’s heart. When I learned this powerful, life-changing truth, my world was turned upside down, and my “work” blessings have multiplied 100-fold!

As I began living out the truth about honor, God began to show me, as the picture above so beautifully portrays, I was like a child who needed foundational truth. I needed to embrace the reality that honor is not about the other person; it’s about the condition of my heart. The result of growing in honor is a doorway to endless possibilities and blessing.

Come join me on this journey?

This post was written by Amy Meek. To read more about her, click here.

Honor, Marriage

Re: Honor in Marriage

January 2, 2017December 24, 2016by hcfwomen1 Comment

Happy New Year! During the month of January, we will be reposting some of the top posts from 2016. We hope these will encourage you and connect to your heart. Stay tuned for all new posts coming in February 2017!

Not long after we were married, Curtis and I moved into a small, old farmhouse WAY out in the country. We were pretty much newlyweds, and I was blissfully unaware of what life would be like out in the country. For the most part, it was fun. Some of our favorite memories of marriage are when we lived in the country. But it was also where we had our first big argument.
Well, it was a fight. I’m just going to be real.

I came home one afternoon after work, and the toilet was in the dining room. In. The. Dining. Room. Curtis had a saw and was cutting a hole into the wall of our one and only bathroom. He proceeded to tell me that we had a leak, and he was fixing it. I asked him, WHEN HE WAS GOING TO PUT THE TOILET BACK IN THE BATHROOM!? He told me we would be without water for several days, but he put a bar of soap out by the windmill and some toilet paper outside if I needed to go to the bathroom. Y’all, he was serious. I FREAKED!!!!!

Although we both come from good, God-fearing families, we came into our marriage with two TOTALLY different experiences. For example, when something broke at Curtis’ house, they fixed it. When something broke at MY house, we called a professional to fix it.🙂 This seems very insignificant. But I soon found out that this was important to me. Honestly, the toilet in the dining room was merely an inconvenience that I had to experience. It was certainly not the end of the world, and we laugh about it now (Because when things break, he still fixes them himself).

In hindsight, this was one of the first lessons I learned about HONOR in my marriage. My expectation was disappointed by reality. Ladies, this happens in every marriage. If it hasn’t happened to you yet, it will. We all react differently when we are in our “pain cycle.” As for me, I spoke loudly and erratically. Well…I yelled, ok?

After I calmed down and we talked about it, Curtis informed me that it was not ok for me to speak loudly and erratically to him when I’m upset. That’s just not how things were going to be resolved in our home. And he’s right. Even though I felt like I had the right to be angry with him, I still had to learn how to honor him when we disagreed (Or when he was going to fix something that was broken).

Proverbs 31: 12 speaks of a wife of noble character relating to her husband: “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

Notice it doesn’t say she will bring him good, not harm….only when she feels loved and cherished by him; or only when he listens to all of her problems and gives her his undivided attention; or only when he comes home from work and helps her cook dinner, cleans up the kitchen, helps with bath time, and puts all the kids to bed. It doesn’t say she will bring him good, not harm…only when he becomes the spiritual leader of the home; or only when he stops looking at pornography; or only when he treats her the way she expects to be treated.

If I’m honoring my husband ONLY when my expectations are being met, then I’m not really honoring with God’s grace. Actually, if this is the only time I honored Curtis, I would be setting myself up for an unhealthy marriage, an unhappy husband, and an unsatisfied life.

So what does HONOR look like in a marriage when your expectations are constantly being disappointed by reality? It looks like:

praying for your husband even when you really want to speak loudly and erratically
learning to be patient when you really want to nag
treating him the way you want to be treated when you are frustrated with something he’s done (or not done)
being his cheerleader even when you think you know how to do it better
being his advocate when others put him down
learning how to manage your home so you’re not co-dependent on him

So what if your problems aren’t just the run-of-the-mill marital problems? What if there is abuse or addiction? Get help. There are so many incredible professionals who can help you walk through any and every kind of situation.

We’ve got to start letting go of trying to “fix him,” and start seeking the One Who created marriage, knows our every desire and need, and brings us complete joy in this life when we surrender to Him. We all have the ability to be a wife of noble character, whose husband has full confidence in her–to be a woman who fears the Lord. This takes honesty, diligence, vulnerability, repentance, and perseverance. This will take a lifetime of learning who you are in Christ and how you can be one flesh with the man God gave you. Don’t give up, friend! I want to encourage you to examine your heart and look for new ways you can honor your husband today!

This post was written by Allison House. To read more about her, click here.