hcfwomen

Mom Guilt…

August 14, 2017June 2, 2017by hcfwomen1 Comment

Teething. Sickness. Growing pains. Sleep regression. TWONAGERS…. (I wish I could use the big-eyed emoji right about now) You guys know what I’m talking about!

You’ve had a long day of trying to keep your patience, your child chose not to eat anything at dinner; it’s time for bed and he says, “I’m hungry.” UGHHHH!!!! You get him something to eat, then something to drink, then re-brush his teeth, finally get him to bed, and sit down with a big sigh…FINALLY I can rest!!

Hop on some sort of social media, and the first thing you see is some motherhood quote about being patient because they grow up so fast (or something like that). And BAM, mom guilt strikes again! The devil creeps in through that one post and whispers in your ear, you weren’t good enough today.

Y’all, this is 100% true! Since becoming a mom I have figured out that if I’m not proactive when those words are whispered in my ear, then they don’t stop. If I don’t speak life into myself, I can’t speak life into others, including my child! The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy and the first thing he is after is your happiness.

Before I was aware of what was going on, I would spiral into this negative way of thinking, and attack my every move. “Not good enough” became: not patient enough, not healthy enough, not loving enough, not enough…but is that what our Father in Heaven says about us? NO WAY!!! He says,

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:9

He made you the perfect mom for your children. Your kids don’t need Daniel Tiger’s mom—they need you!!

They need the mom who is able to speak life into them, because she speaks life over herself. The mom who spends time with the Lord because she makes the time to do it. The mom who is confident in who she is, because you are His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10).

So next time the devil whispers in your ear, remember that you are enough, and tell him to shut it!

This post was written by Dana Kimmell. To read more about her, click here.

Honor, Marriage

Dearly Beloved, We are Gathered Here to Witness…

August 7, 2017June 2, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

I am an old married lady. Well…not really old, just old married. A conference I attended a few years ago brought to my awareness the rarity of my marriage’s condition. Apparently, being first-time married 20-plus years and my husband and I both having parents with 45-year first marriages put us in a minority of around 10% of the nation’s population.

I remember celebrating our fifteenth wedding anniversary at a nice restaurant in Albuquerque. Our waitress inquired how long we’d been married, and when we told her fifteen years, she looked surprised and said, “Wow, that’s a really long time!”

Our culture is becoming increasingly unfamiliar with marital commitment. I believe we have a unique opportunity to communicate a kingdom message to those around us by building marriages that endure.

If you are like me, I imagine you are not thinking your marriage is your primary evangelistic tool. And, if you are like me, you might even cringe at the thought of how you’ve “witnessed” to others in the past (Thank you, Husband’s 1990’s Wardrobe, for being an all-too-easy prey of wifely jokes). But let me encourage you with the words Jesus spoke to his (very imperfect) disciples in John 17: 20-23:

I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one… And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me… May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.

If we think about the context of this passage, very few of us would tie it to marriage. Most of us relate it (and rightly so) to the universal body of believers. It is about being unified, and not fighting over nonsense like church building carpet colors.

But stretch your minds for a moment with me: the context of marriage is definitely “becoming one” and living in unity. Therefore, we have a position to communicate a message through our marriages.

As an old married person but with limited space here, I’d like to offer one pointer for marital harmony and improving our kingdom witness: Speak kindly ABOUT your spouse TO others.

Years ago, before Lyle and I married, we decided there are enough people in the world who tear others down, so we needed to build each other up, especially when we’re in conversation with acquaintances. We all know how easy it is to unload on a friend about your husband’s pile of dirty socks, but do we realize the detriment that can do to our kingdom impact?

In Titus 2:5 (Amplified Version), Paul asks wives to honor their husbands so that the Word of God would not be dishonored.

People of the world often only see the Word through how we handle life. If we, as wives, speak praise of our husbands, we will honor our men, and thus help create an enduring marriage.

Who will be witnesses of our message?

This post was written by Shelli Jarvis. To read more about her, click here.

Parenting

Inviting God’s Kingdom into Our Parenting

July 10, 2017June 2, 2017by hcfwomen1 Comment

So, let’s face it, there are days when I’m not functioning at my best. Especially at being a momma. This whole parenting gig has been such a challenge…nonstop…every day…all day.

Being a first-time mom, challenges are at every corner—at least that’s what it seems like! And from what I have heard, every age has its challenges. So learning how to raise children seriously takes a village. When I seem to grasp how to handle a situation with my daughter (with wisdom from INCREDIBLE women), new sets of challenges pop up within…

a few hours.

At times, I get distracted by this myriad of challenges, feeling as though I’m putting out fires all day, and making little to no progress. It can lead me to believe that I’m defeated, the time and effort I put in is useless, and that these challenges are still popping up because I’m not doing a good enough job.

If I do a good enough job, I won’t have to do it again. Right? Not necessarily.

I once worked in an office as a receptionist. One of my responsibilities was to take out the trash and clean the dirty dishes. At one point, I became frustrated with this responsibility. It didn’t matter how many times I cleaned the dishes or took out the trash, I had to do it again. Even if I had done an excellent job the day before—I had to do it again. The job was never done.

One moment when I was washing the dishes, God spoke so plainly: “You do your job, not so that you won’t have to do it again. You do it because it needs to be done. See this as an opportunity to fulfill your outlined responsibilities with excellence on a daily basis.”

The same holds true with raising our daughter. Every challenge that arises, I have a choice to make. I can either see it as a sign of defeat—that what I had sown into her previously was a failure—or I can choose to see it as an opportunity to fulfill my responsibilities of sowing into our daughter’s heart.

Parenting is all about inviting God and his truth to rule and reign in your heart and the heart of your child. It is a never-ending process. We are to be consistent in meeting challenges in light of God and his ways. I don’t discipline my daughter and sow into her heart to complete a one-time task. I do it because it needs to be done in that moment and every moment thereafter.

Some days, I wish sowing into our children with discipline was a one-and-done system, but that’s an unrealistic expectation that only leads to frustration. I choose to believe that every challenge is an opportunity for our family to encounter God and his power through discipline, forgiveness and healing.

So I ask, how are you choosing to meet your challenges today?

This post was written by Abbie Kellum. To read more about her, click here.

Marriage

Seeking Wise Counsel

July 3, 2017June 27, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

Proverbs 12:15 says,

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise.

The Message Version of Proverbs 19:20-21 says,

Take good counsel and accept correction—that’s the way to live wisely and well.

Don’t we all want to be wise? Don’t we want to live well?

Listening to advice—namely, seeking wise counsel—is hard, but I’ve found that it’s essential in all areas of our life, especially in our marriages.

Howell and I were having dinner with three other couples a few months ago, all of whom had been married anywhere from ten to twenty years longer than we have. Somehow the topic of counseling came up, and every single one of us shared how counseling had positively impacted our marriages at one point or another.

I’ve been thinking about that since then. Some people might have a certain fear about counseling, especially marriage counseling. Maybe it feels like failure—and they want to keep holding on to the secret that their marriage is falling apart. Maybe it feels too personal—and they don’t want someone all up in their business.

Can I tell you the truth, dear friend?

It’s neither shameful nor scary.

Bringing your “stuff” into the light brings freedom and healing—and wise counsel becomes a balm to those broken places.

There’s something about an outside perspective that helps you see things in your marriage, in yourself, or in your spouse that you couldn’t have seen otherwise. And wise counselors have good tools to help us better understand each other.

Howell and I went through some intense counseling early on, and I genuinely believe it set us up for a solid foundation. We learned so much about ourselves—as much as we learned about each other.

In those first few years of marriage, when we would argue, I would want to leave—the room, the house. Always, I wanted an escape. And Howell would say, “But Mary Ann said we should…”

And for whatever reason, that worked. (FYI: Mary Ann was our counselor. :)) It’s not that she had a certain power over us, but when he said that, it would remind me of my behavior: what the root of it came from, what it meant to me, what it communicated to Howell. And I would remember: I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want to be the person who leaves in an argument, who can’t settle a disagreement, who can’t listen to wisdom.

And so I would stay, and I would talk, and I would listen.

We have the power within us to choose how we behave. I suppose the second step of counseling is application, right?

Wise counsel comes in many forms—not only the professional kind (though it is a worthy investment!). You can also surround yourself with wise counsel—your parents, your mentors, your friends. Always, the Bible instructs us and gives us tools for how to live.

Even now, Howell and I seek wise counsel when we make big decisions, especially financial ones. We have people in our lives who speak truth to us, and we heed their advice.

If you’re struggling today—especially if your marriage feels like it’s failing, I encourage you to seek wise counsel and heed good advice. May it bring healing and freedom and restoration to your relationship.

This post was written by Laura Brandenburg. To read more about her, click here.

*Note: If you and your spouse need to see a trusted marriage counselor, please contact the church office for a list of referrals.

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Family, Fruitfulness, Kindness, Love

Honestly

June 19, 2017May 23, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

Honestly, I never thought myself as much of a caregiver. Yes, I loved my ministry as a mom and wife, but that was in my wheelhouse. I was MADE for it!

Yet, God chose to stretch me.

In 2001, an elderly couple asked me and my husband to be their medical guardians. Their only child had been killed in 1997 at the age of 40. So, they chose us and we chose them. From that moment on, we were their ‘Smith kids.’

We sailed along for several years…no major hiccups. Even in their mid-70s, they were able to take care of themselves. I stayed in the wings, taking them to appointments, knowing their medical issues but leaving it up to them.

Then, in 2009, Mrs. Roberson was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. The stretching I spoke of earlier, this is where it starts. The decision was made to fight it. Since I’m a cancer survivor (that actually came in handy!), I knew the lingo and the cancer community in Lubbock. The race was on. Chemo, radiation, surgeries, colostomy, and the devastating side effects of all that. They looked to me for strength, guidance, and hands-on care.

Mr. Roberson wasn’t in good physical condition, so I learned quickly to love even though my flesh was saying ‘no’ when treating the chemo side effects and changing a colostomy bag. I learned to fight for her because, frankly, the elderly are often ignored. When I thought I had reached my limit I would rely on Psalm 71:9:

Do not cast me away when I’m old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone.

Mrs. Roberson died in 2012. I had promised her she wouldn’t die alone, and that I would take care of Mr. Roberson. I kept those promises. I learned so much from her graciousness and strength in the battle.

Mr. Roberson never left the nursing home after her death. Battling years of obesity, a bad heart, old and worn out joints that left him in agony, a slight addiction to pain meds, and many other issues…it often proved too much. Hard decisions legally fell to me and my husband. Decisions that were made somewhat easier by the promises we had made to Mr. Roberson: he wouldn’t die hurting, he wouldn’t die alone, and we would take care of him and fight for him.

He died this last November.

I’m so happy to have allowed myself to care for them. We were related by choice, not blood. After we had chosen each other as family, I came across this scripture in my prayers:

If anyone doesn’t provide for their family, he has denied his faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

1 Timothy 5:8

I was created in part to take care of those two old people. I see now that by allowing God to use me in ways that were so uncomfortable, He taught me humility and compassion. He taught me to get over myself and my hang-ups and discomfort with sickness and disease and death. The lesson is to love with unflinching compassion.

This post was written by Deborah Smith. To read more about her, click here.

Boundaries, Parenting, Prayer

Peace in Parenting

June 12, 2017May 23, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

I’ve been doing this mommy-thing for a little over eight years now, and I’m getting a few things figured out.

God really is who He says He is.

Every family is different. I’ve decided I can compare notes with other moms if I want to get a little inspiration here and there, but nothing will bring the peace I crave like spending real time in prayer. The Lord wants to Father me in my parenting. In all things, really. But most of my life I have depended on my human understanding to plow through challenges that might arise. This is a mistake. I can only plow for so long before I run out of resources.

Praying with my husband really works.

I know this is a no-brainer. We all know this, but I’m not sure many of us are practicing this on a regular basis (and I don’t mean regularly once a year!). I can’t tell you how many times I have felt frantic in my heart about a parenting issue. When I carry inner angst, I start to behave like a scary momma. Like monster-under-the-bed momma. I have no idea why I don’t think that it would be an excellent idea to tell my soulmate and have him pray with me. Without fail, anytime I’ve asked my husband for help he’s shared the load and stood in the gap for me. Just knowing that my husband is my teammate means the world to me. I am not alone and we can tackle anything together. Why, WHY would I not make prayer a priority with my husband when we get such amazing results?

My kids need structure and healthy boundaries.

If I’m going to help my kids learn healthy boundaries, then I must learn what my healthy boundaries are, too. I recently started seeing a counselor to help me work through some of my own issues, and it has been one of the most positive experiences of my life. I see myself differently, and I feel more empowered to lead my children than ever before. I’m learning what makes my kids tick, and that means we can cooperate better. I am in authority because I am under my husband’s authority. My children understand how that looks in our home. When they push the boundaries, they know that we’ll enforce them. Because we’ve laid this groundwork, we have a spiritual peace in our home even when we’re loud, creative and adventurous.

I’m grateful for all the Lord has taught me throughout the years and I’m excited for all that’s yet to come. If you’re looking for a breakthrough in your parenting, may I suggest getting involved in a Life Group and getting prayer as a first step?

I’m curious, what was your “aha moment” that brought peace to your parenting?

This post was written by Jodi LaFrance. To read more about her, click here.

Faith, God's Presence, Marriage, Parenting

The Birth of Peace

June 5, 2017May 30, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

Five years ago, after three years of trying, we became pregnant with our sweet miracle Jude. From the very beginning we had complications with the pregnancy. I was always in a constant state of fear. We waited so long for this baby and our hearts ached for him.

At 34 weeks, my placenta ruptured. I found myself in the middle of the floor, and Bret called 911. I started to replay my night. Did I feel him move last night? Fear crept in. I started to doubt, thinking, Did we make it all this way, and we are going to lose this baby?

The ambulance arrived within minutes. I was put under anesthesia and rushed for an emergency C-section. When I woke up I had an empty belly and a 6″ incision. As I waited to see Jude, anxiety and fear overwhelmed me, crippling me into multiple anxiety attacks. That anxiety and fear basically became a part of me and ruled the next year. I would be so distraught with Bret leaving the house or simple day-to-day tasks. It took many months of constantly calling that fear out before I felt “normal” again. There was no way I was going to have another baby. Why would I knowingly put myself or my family through all of those emotions of another pregnancy?

Fast forward to almost a year ago. I said that the only way I was going to get pregnant was if we had a “Mary” kind of moment, where she wasn’t planning on having a baby but God had better plans. There was still so much fear that surrounded being pregnant, anxiousness for whether we would have the same pregnancy with bed rest, or if we would have an early baby, or an awful post-partum that included emotional and physical stress in our marriage.

At the beginning of January, I was in such denial that I could be pregnant that it took a friend coming over with a test and a Starbucks to actually confirm I was pregnant. I took the test(s) and… No fear, no stress, no anxiety. Peace. God gave me this immediate and overwhelming peace over the pregnancy.

At 32 weeks Bret and I hit our knees in prayer about home birth. In my mind, I thought I was crazy for even pondering the idea of giving birth at home, but it was around this time I had a dream. The dream took place in our home with worship music in the background, and during each contraction I was on my knees with my hands lifted high, giving glory to God. It was after that dream that each time I thought of having Scarlett at home, I thought of that God-given word… peace.

The night that Scarlett came the lights were dimmed. Worship music was blaring in the background. As each contraction passed Bret would pray and proclaim over the labor, me, and Scarlett. We sang worship songs through contractions, words like “It’s your breath in our lungs.”

Not an ounce of fear ever swept in. That spirit of fear was replaced with boldness and peace. Scarlett made such a fast appearance it was unreal. This baby girl took her first breath in the most peaceful, spirit-filled way I could have imagined. The Holy Spirit was undeniably there. He transformed a birth that was surrounded by fear and anxiousness into a birth of peace and boldness.

I pray that by sharing our story, it can bring someone hope during the trials. God is eagerly ready to release us from whatever it is, fear, anxiety, or shame. He hears our prayers and truly wants to give us our heart’s desire by giving us power through His Holy Spirit.

Isaiah 41:10 –

So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Romans 15:13 –

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

This post was written by Kendra Huey. To read more about her, click here.

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Hospitality

Creating a Welcoming Place

May 29, 2017May 25, 2017by hcfwomen3 Comments

I want to be like Betsie ten Boom when I grow up.

She was a sister to Corrie ten Boom, who wrote The Hiding Place, which chronicles their family’s courageous decision to hide Jews in their home during WWII. Betsie found joy in flowers, cups of tea, and the blue sky. Even while in the concentration camps, she was astoundingly able to create a place of order and beauty. God gave Betsie dreams and visions of establishing places of refuge and peace for those ravaged by the war…even though she never saw it actually come to pass. She wanted these places to have gardens and lots of flowers.

Betsie told her sister, “It will be so good for them…watching things grow. People can learn to love, from flowers.”

I love that. I want to create a place of beauty and welcome for those around me.

One of the first places that we create beauty is in our own homes. We create places of peace for those who daily live in our home, and we also open up our homes to others.

It doesn’t have to be perfect. In a way, this is opening up your life and heart to people, and extending the invitation for them to do the same.

To invite people into our homes is to respond with gratitude to the God who made a home for us.

It can be simple. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Use what you have. Be creative. Improvise. One of my favorite things is to have a bowl of mints on my desk at work. In a small way, I am saying, “Come in, you are welcome here; you are valuable.”

It does have to be intentional. As impersonal as it may sound at first, get out your calendar and write down when you want to have people over. Schedule a time and stick to it.

Take time to make things around you beautiful. What does beauty look like for you? What makes you take a deep breath and relax a little bit more? What makes your heart happy? Surround yourself with these things.

When you are at ease and your heart is open, your guests’ will be, too.

This post was written by Heather Dillard. To read more about her, click here.

Faith, Fruitfulness, Health, Scripture

My Struggle with Depression–and My Healing

May 22, 2017May 12, 2017by hcfwomen3 Comments

God has done so many wonderful things in my life, giving me many stories to tell of His goodness. One story involves a battle that I have fought three different times in my life—chemical depression. I have often had background skirmishes, but three times the battle has been more intense.

When I say they were major battles, I am not saying that flippantly. Each episode had different degrees of symptoms but some overall themes were: great anxiety, strange physical symptoms, total lack of hunger, inability to sleep, feeling hopeless (and you sure need hope in this!), and inability to concentrate. My whole body would feel weird, and it seemed like I couldn’t remember feeling normal.

This particular story was during the worst episode which occurred after the birth of my first daughter in the form of post-partum depression. I hardly even want to go there to explain how dark a time period that was, but that’s also when I saw God’s hand move in a miraculous way. When you have endured several months without sleeping, without much eating, and with no peace whatsoever it can wear on you in a big way, especially when caring for a baby. We lived in Houston at the time, and my mom came to help me.

I remember crying out to God out of total desperation in my closet one day (yes, I sometimes pray in my actual closet). The next Sunday at church I met someone during the greeting time named Sandy. Our church was fairly large (a few thousand people), so I didn’t know everyone and I hadn’t remembered seeing her before. I had to leave to go to the nursery to tend to my daughter which happened so often that everyone knew my number on the screen—0012 (which I still remember 20 years later).

While I was gone Sandy came to my mom and asked her if I was going through a hard time, and my mother briefly explained the situation. Sandy replied that God had put it on her heart for several days to pray for a person named Karen who was going through great difficulty. When we had met, she was very intrigued that my name was Karen and asked the Lord if I was the one she had been praying for which the Lord confirmed. Through that encounter we talked more, and she relayed to me that the battle would end and it helped me get started on a different path. It sure wasn’t immediate by any means, and many dark days were still ahead.

Yet, I cannot describe what comfort it was to me for the Lord to reach out to me in that way to let me know that He saw my pain, that He sent someone to pray for me, and He gave me hope that I would get past this battle. He met me where I was!

God is so great and loves us so much. God not only helped me in this supernatural way, but He revealed to me some ways in the natural to combat the depression as well. When I say depression, that can mean anxiety or depression or a combination. I learned that they are two sides of one coin. They both are the result of a serotonin deficiency, and your body and personality may just manifest them in different ways.

As for supernatural means to fight it, obviously, we should first seek God to show us what we in particular need to do. Due to your brain feeling so muddled when chemically depressed, that may require the help of Godly friends (or a counselor) who will seek God with you. Here are some supernatural weapons that I found to be effective for me:

Praying God’s Word over myself, declaring that I have the mind of Christ (I Corinthians 2:16), that no weapon formed against me will prosper (Isaiah 54:17), that great is my peace (Psalm 119:165), and that God’s peace would guard my mind (Philipians 4:7).
Praying in tongues, especially when I didn’t know what else to pray.
Praising God! The Word says that you put on (like clothing) the garment of praise in exchange for the garment of heaviness (Isaiah 61:3). This could be through music or by pouring out the praise in your heart to Him in plain words.
Keep standing! Sometimes existing for another day is a victory and one step closer to complete victory.

As for natural weapons, medical research is making great strides in this area. (I grew up wanting to be a doctor, and I read these types of things because they are so interesting to me.) Recently, research has pointed to inflammation in the body (or even an allergy to inflammation) as being a cause of depression, but there are many, many causes, and there are many effective natural ways to battle it:

In terms of drugs, in my three battles, one time I used a natural herb (St John’s Wort), once I stuck it out long enough that the depression eased on its own, and once I took a prescription anti-depressant. You have to do what’s right for YOU, receiving no condemnation for what path you feel is best in this area.
Cardiovascular exercise has been shown to be as effective as a prescription anti-depressant if done regularly. (The scientist in me wants to give references for this but it is pretty prevalent anywhere you want to look this stuff up.)
Taking an Omega-3 oil supplement (or flaxseed or walnuts) is great for the brain.
Finding out what is a trigger for you can help. In the most recent battle, my doctor and I realized that the three times that have been true battles for me were all associated with a major drop in hormones.
Seeing a medical doctor to be tested for things like low thyroid or even food allergies/sensitivities.
Making sure to do everything in your power to be thinking right thoughts.
Having a good, loving circle of friends standing with you (or God can even provide a stranger like how He did for me in Houston—He’s limitless!).
Talking to a counselor. I do think that if there are any underlying physical causes then addressing those first helps the therapy to be even more effective.

One more word to the wise: I found that everyone has an opinion about depression and anxiety. Some will say it is only caused by hormones out of whack because that is what their experience has been. Some will tell you that you are just not thinking right, and you just need to start thinking right. Others may say that prescription medicine is the only way to go.

I think of it as how different blind-folded people see an elephant—the one holding the trunk think it’s hard, the one holding the tail think it is feathery, the one holding the legs think it is like a tree. Our understanding of depression is so limited at this time and can have so many DIFFERENT causes and cures. The good news is that God can see “the whole elephant” and knows how to deliver you! Our victory is assured as we follow His pathway to deliverance!

This post was written by Karen Earhart. To read more about her, click here.

**Note: This is one person’s story, and not advice from a professional doctor. If you are in a place of depression, please contact the HCF offices for a list of trusted counseling resources (click here for Campus contact numbers).

Grief

On Grief

May 15, 2017April 5, 2017by hcfwomenLeave a Comment

Grief can occur from a multitude of things. I grieved when Daddy was diagnosed with cancer. I grieved when Mother was diagnosed with dementia and I realized that the mother I had known was lost to me. I grieved when each of them died. All three forms are the same process, the same pain.

There are 5 stages to grief:

denial and isolation
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance

You don’t always go through them in order, and may not experience all of them. Grief is unique to the individual, and can hit you out of the blue: in a movie, at the store, when you pick up the phone to call them and realize that they aren’t there to call.

You have to allow yourself to grieve. There is no correct amount of time and no right way. It is personal, but if you don’t allow yourself to heal, you can move into complex grief, which requires professional help.

One of the hardest things in dealing with grief, is that while you are dealing with yours, and trying to hang on, others are dealing with theirs, and trying to hang on, and you are thrown into the mix together.

There are 3 personality types for expressing grief:

Intuitive mourners– touchy, feely, comfortable with emotion. Sensitive to others. Less able to rationalize and may appear more overwhelmed and devastated.
Instrumental mourners – seek accurate information, analyze facts, make informed decisions, problem solvers. They may appear to others as cold and uncaring, seeming to be dispassionate and detached
Dissonant mourners – in conflict between what they experience internally and what they express outwardly. They are in conflict with themselves and want to avoid it. They struggle to hide their true feelings in order to maintain the image they want to put forth. They may condemn themselves and feel guilty for not feeling what they think they are suppose to feel.

Whichever category you are in, to you that is the right way. It is easy to judge others and be angry, but it is important to remember to have grace for those in the other categories, too.

In the body of Christ, we are gifted in different areas. Some are merciful, others are nurturers, others servants. But as we grow in Christ, we try to develop all of these areas within ourselves, and learn to do what doesn’t come naturally.

The way you handle grief and caring for elderly parents can be viewed in the same way. We need to step up and do whatever needs to be done. Do your part and let others do theirs, in all areas. You need each other, and need to help each other stay healthy.

There are people willing to help you. Let them. Find someone who has experienced it, and ask questions. Turn to your family and friends. They are the physical hug from the Living God Who will get you through this.

This post was written by Darla Carthel. To read more about her, click here.